DON'T LOOK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THE BALD TRUTH

HI AGAIN & BLESSINGS ON YOU ALL. I FINALLY LET MY DAUGHTER TAKE A "BALD" PHOTO OF ME.

SATURDAY WAS OUR 35th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

MY HUSBAND SURPRISED ME WITH A RESERVATION AT A REALLY NICE RESTAURANT WE HAVE WANTED TO TRY FOR YEARS: RUTH'S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE IN FRESNO. I WAS REALLY SURPRISED AS MONEY HAS BEEN REALLY TIGHT LATELY WITH ARTIE BEING SELF-EMPLOYED NOW & ME ON A LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK. WHERE'S THAT PTO WHEN YOU NEED IT? (ALL USED UP I'M AFRAID) ANYWAY, THE KIDS HAVE BEEN HELPING THEIR PARENTS OUT IN A KIND OF REVERSAL OF ROLES. I REMEMBER HOW STRANGE IT FELT WHEN THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME WHEN MY MOM GOT SICK & THE KIDS & I UPROOTED FOR A WHILE TO TAKE CARE OF HER. THAT WAS A REALLY LONG TIME AGO.

WE GOT DRESSED UP TO GO OUT & I LET REBECCA TAKE THE BALD PICTURE BEFORE WE LEFT HOME FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY DATE WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT SHE WOULD ALSO TAKE A "NORMAL" LOOKING PICTURE FOR CONTRAST, WHEN I PUT MY WIG ON. IT KIND OF HELPED TO HAVE NICE MAKEUP ON & NICE CLOTHES  FOR A CHANGE. WHEN WE GOT TO THE RESTAURANT ALL THE GOOD THINGS I HAD HEARD PALED IN COMPARISON. IT WAS SO NICE & THE FOOD WAS SO GOOD.  I HAD SHRIMP & STEAK, BUT THE STEAK WAS SO GOOD, I DIDN'T WANT TO WASTE STOMACH ROOM ON MORE THAN 1 SHRIMP. THERE WAS SOME OF BOTH LEFT OVER TO TAKE HOME. ARTIE SAID IT WAS THE BEST STEAK HE HAS EVER EATEN. IT WAS BROUGHT TO THE TABLE ON A SIZZLING PLATE. THEY SEAR THE OUTSIDE QUICKLY AT 1800 DEGREES TO KEEP IN THE JUICES & FLAVOR. THEY BRING IT OUT KIND OF RARE, BUT YOU CAN SLICE IT UP & SEAR IT ON THE HOT PLATES UNTIL IT'S COOKED TO YOUR LIKING. THEY SEASON WITH SALT & PEPPER ONLY & SERVE IT SURROUNDED BY MELTED BUTTER. YOU MIGHT CONSIDER THAT A HEART ATTACK ON A PLATE, BUT IT WAS SO GOOD! HOPEFULLY A ONCE A YEAR  INDULGENCE WILL BE OK. THERE WERE ROSE PETALS ON THE TABLE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY TOO! THEY SMELLED SO GOOD & LOOKED SO PRETTY. OUR WAITRESS WAS ALSO A PRE-SCHOOL TEACHER BY DAY& A SUPER SERVER BY NIGHT.  SHE PROMISED TO ROLL US OUT OF THE RESTAURANT IF NEED BE AFTER DESSERT CAME.  EACH PLATE HAD "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY" WRITTEN IN HARDENED CHOCOLATE AROUND THE EDGES. THEY EVEN UPGRADED ONE OF OUR DESSERTS FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY FOR FREE. I WAS SO IMPRESSED. WE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. I THINK WE HAVE A NEW FAVORITE FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. WHEN WE GOT HOME, THE KIDS WERE IN BED & REBECCA HAD ME LAUGHING SO HARD I WAS CRYING DESCRIBING THIER SMALL TOWN DINNER ADVENTURES & HER VERSION OF 4 & 9 YR OLD  VERY LITERAL OBSERVATIONS OF EATING IN A DESERTED LOCAL RESTAURANT WHERE THE WAITRESS WAS ASKING THE CUSOMER TO EXPLAIN WHAT THEY WANTED TO ORDER THAT WAS DIRECTLY OFF THE MENU SO SHE COULD EXPLAIN IT TO THE COOK. CALEB WANTED TO KNOW WHY THE WAITRESS WAS ASKING THEM WHAT A FLAUTA WAS. DOESN'T EVERYONE KNOW WHAT A FLAUTA IS, HE QUERIED? NEVER A DULL MOMENT & ONLY IN A SMALL TOWN. ANYWAY, THEY HAD A GREAT TIME TOO.

TODAY WE PLANNED TO GO TO CHURCH & MEET MY DAD & STEP MOM FOR LUNCH. UNFORTUNATELY, THE LAST THREE BUSY DAYS TOOK THEIR TOLL ON MY ENERGY.  MY GET UP & GO GOT UP & WENT BEFORE I EVEN GOT UP IN THE MORNING. I WAS SO TIRED AFTER LABS & ONCOLOGY ON THURSDAY, MORE LABS ANEMIA & TRANSFUSIONS ON FRIDAY, AND SATURDAY'S  SITTING IN THE  GARAGE WHILE BECKY HELD UP THINGS FOR ME TO DETERMINE GARAGE SALE OR KEEP FOR A FUTURE DATE. I THOUGHT I WAS RESTING BECAUSE I WAS JUST SITTING THERE. I ALSO HAD TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE A NEW HANDHELD NEBULIZER SYSTEM THAT TOOK 1 TO 1+1/2 HOURS TO USE.  I WAS SUPPOSED TO USE IT 3 TIMES A DAY & ONLY ENDED UP USING IT TWICE BECAUSE OF BEING FRUSTRATED AT HOW LONG IT TOOK, AND NOT BEING SURE WHETHER I WAS EVEN DOING IT RIGHT. I TRIED CALLING THEIR TOLL FREE NUMBER BUT APPARENTLY THEY AREN'T THERE ON THE WEEKENDS. GUESS WE'LL BE MAKING A PHONE CALL ON A WEEKDAY TO FIGURE IT OUT.THEN  WE WENT ON OUR DATE THAT NIGHT, WHICH I DON'T REGRET IN THE LEAST. TO SAY I WAS POOPED IS PUTTING IT MILDLY, BUT I THINK I NEED TO RELEARN THE PART ABOUT RESTING AGAIN. I GUESS I FORGOT & IT ALL CAUGHT UP WITH ME. REBECCA TOOK THE KIDS & WAS ABLE TO MEET MY FOLKS WITH MY APOLOGIES THEN WENT TO COSTCO TO GET SOME MUCH NEEDED ITEMS FOR ME & THE HOUSEHOLD. WE ALL ARE LEARNING ABOUT CHANGING PLANS & RESTING MORE.

PLEASE PRAY FOR:
1.)STRENGTH & WISDOM IN USING MY ENERGY WISELY
2.)CONTINUE TO REMEMBER MY NEW AQUAINTANCE STEVE &
     HIS DEVOTED FAMILY. MET THEM FRI @ TRANSFUSION.
3.)MY SORE MOUTH. I'VE DEVELOPED 2 MOUTH SORES IN THE
     LAST 2 DAYS WHICH IS KIND OF LATE IN THE GAME. 1 ON MY
     RIGHT CHEEK & 1 ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BACK OF MY
     TONGUE. MY THROAT IS REALLY DRY& SCRATCHY. IT'S BEEN
     10 DAYS SINCE MY LAST CHEMO. I HAD A MOUTH FULL AFTER
     THE 1st CHEMO & BY SUCKING ON ICE DURING #2 AVOIDED
     MOST, SO TWO IS BETTER. COULD BE JUST A FEVER BLISTER
     OR BECAUSE MY RBC & WBC COUNTS HAVE BEEN SO LOW. NOT
     SURE. BUT THEY DO HURT A LOT.
4.)SEVERAL CLOSE FAMILY MEMBERS ARE HURTING BECAUSE OF
     UNEXPECTED DIVORCES FOR 2 DIFFERENT FAMILY MEMBERS.
     PLEASE PRAY FOR THE LORD TO HEAL ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.
     DIVORCE AFFECTS MORE THAN JUST 2 PEOPLE.

     (FORGIVE THE RANTING/ SKIP THIS PART IT YOU LIKE. MY SON
     SAYS I DO IT TOO MUCH & HE'S PROBABLY RIGHT.) IT AFFECTS
     CHILDREN WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THINGS HAVE
     CHANGED OR PERHAPS HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT TOO MANY
     TIMES & COULD BECOME CALLOUS OR CONVINCED THAT THIS,
     IS THE NORM & WILL BE PART OF THEIR PATTERN TOO. PLEASE
     PRAY THAT THE CYCLE WILL END. DIVORCE ALSO AFFECTS
     PARENTS & ESPECIALLY MOMS WHO LOVE THEIR ADULT
     CHILDREN & WISH THEY COULD STILL KISS THE OWIE & MAKE
     IT BETTER, LIKE WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE, BUT YOU CAN'T.
     THERE ARE ALSO CHANGES & STRAINS IN FORMER RELATION-
     SHIPS. PLACES YOU USED TO GO FOR FAMILY GATHERINGS
     & GET TOGETHERS THAT YOU ARE SUDDENLY NO LONGER
     WELCOME TO, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON
     YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN & HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG.
     YOU MIGHT EVEN GET BLAMED FOR SOME OF THE PROBLEMS   
     THAT YOU DIDN'T CAUSE. IT MAKES FOR SOME STRANGE   
     SITUATIONS & STRANGE FEELINGS THAT HAVE TO BE DEALT
     WITH, SOMETIMES MORE THAN ONCE. OTHERWISE YOU CAN
     END UP SEVERELY DEPRESSED LIKE I WAS LAST YEAR. SOME
     TIMES YOU HAVE TO DRAW LINES IN THE SAND/BOUNDARIES
     FOR YOUR OWN SAKE & THAT OF YOUR KIDS & GRANDKIDS .
     SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO RISK BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.
     ALWAYS YOU HAVE TO LAY IT AT THE LORD'S FEET & LEAVE
     IT THERE SO YOU CAN MOVE ON.SOMETIMES IT'S IN YOUR FACE
     & YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO FIGHT THAT SINKING FEELING, TO
     SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THE THINGS & THE PEOPLE THAT
     ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO YOUR HEART, EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU
     HAVE TO RUN TO A QUIET CORNER OR WALK OUT OF YOUR
     OWN HOME FOR A SHORT BREAK, TO NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE
     INSANITY. YOU HAVE TO CHASE AFTER TIME WITH THE LORD
     AND YOUR OWN MOMENTS OF ALONE TIME & PEACE & QUIET.
     YOU HAVE TO MEDITATE ON WHAT IS TRUE & RIGHT & GOOD.
      IT'S NOT AN EASY THING FOR ANYONE BUT IT HAS GREAT
     REWARDS. YOU HAVE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH
     POSITIVE PEOPLE, EVEN IF IT MEANS LEARNING HOW TO MAKE
     NEW FRIENDS AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO WORSHIP REGULARLY IN
     A PLACE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CONNECT WITH GOD &OTHERS
     YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO MEDICAL ISSUES
     GOING ON & TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & ANYTHING MEDICAL
     OR EMOTIONAL THAT'S FOUND. I KNOW I WAS SURPRISED BY
     THAT ONE, HENCE MY CANCER ADVENTURES. I ALSO WENT
     FOR COUNCELING FOR A TIME, ESPECIALLY WHEN I STARTED
     MAKING MISTAKES AT WORK. IT REALLY SCARED ME & MADE
     ME ACTIVELY SEEK OUT HELP. YOU ALSO HAVE FIND OUT
     WHAT HEALTHY THINGS MAKE YOU HAPPY & PURSUE THEM
     AS BEST AS YOU CAN. YOU NEED TO GET ENOUGH REST, BUT
     YOU ALSO NEED TO MOVE YOUR BODY. EVEN IF ALL YOU CAN
     DO IS FINGER CALLESTHENICS. YOU KNOW, INDEX FINGERS
     POINT UP THEN SIDEWAYS, POINT UP THEN SIDEWAYS. 1-2-1-2
     AT LEAST YOU'RE MOVING SOMETHING. YOU ALSO HAVE TO
     FIND WAYS TO HELP OTHERS EVEN IF YOU CAN'T PHYSICALLY
     OR EVEN MENTALLY DO MUCH (LIKE WHEN THE BRAIN FOGG
     SETS IN FOR ME OR BLOOD SUGARS ARE RUNNING LOW.) GOD
     HAS SHOWN ME AT EVEN MY LOWEST EBB, THERE IS ALWAYS
     SOMETHING I CAN DO HOWEVER SMALL THAT HONORS HIM.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO MY RANTING & RAVING. MY DAUGHTER SAYS ITS GOOD FOR ME TO EXPRESS MYSELF. IT
CLARIFIES MY THOUGHTS & MAKES ME FEEL BETTER EVEN IF I HAVE A SLIGHTLY CRAZED LOOK IN MY EYE OR STAND ON A SOAPBOX FOR A SHORT WHILE. I HAVE BEEN A QUIET PERSON & HAD NOT BEEN ABLE TO EXPRESS MYSELF VERBALLY FOR MOST OF MY LIFE. THAT WASN'T ALLOWED WHEN I WAS LITTLE & IT'S KIND OF HARD TO CHANGE THE PATTERN AS AN ADULT. I WAS AN OBSERVER& DREAMER, NOT A DOER. FORTUNATELY I MARRIED A DOER. I DIDN'T NORMALLY LIKE CHANGES OF ANY KIND IN MY LIFE OR AROUND ME. MY SECURITY WAS IN WHAT WAS NORMAL. MY FOCUS WAS ON ANY PROBLEMS. IF ANYTHING VARIED, I DIDN'T USUALLY LIKE THAT. I WAS A PERFECTIONSIST IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD. MY FRIEND MARIA, WAS ALSWAYS ABLE TO BRING ME BACK TO EARTH WITH HER CALM WORDS & REMINDERS OF WHAT WE HAD THAT WAS GOOD, WHEN I WOULD PANIC WITH ALL THE SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE CHANGES AT WORK. AND SHE WAS ALWAYS RIGHT. THE LORD IS TEACHING ME ABOUT CHANGE & GROWTH & THE GOOD THAT CAN BE FOUND IN ALMOST EVERY SITUATION. HE'S WORKING ON MY HEART & BUILDING ME UP. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING THE SAME WAY I WAS BEFORE MY ADVENTURES BEGAN. HE'S CHANGING ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT & MAYBE EVEN TEACHING ME TO ENJOY SOME OF THE CHOICES & CHANGES I CAN MAKE.  HE'S ALWAYS SO GOOD. HOW CAN I COMPLAIN?