FOUR MORE TO GO & COUNTING

I HAVE ONLY FOUR MORE RADIATION TREATMENTS TO GO INCLUDING TODAY!  YAY, I CAN'T WAIT TO BE DONE.  DAILY TREATMENTS ARE MAKING THIS GO BY VERY FAST.  I TALKED TO THE RADIATION NURSE LAST MONDAY ABOUT MY SKIN BREAKING DOWN OVER THE PREVIOUS WEEKEND & THE RESULTANT PAIN.  SHE WAS VERY SYMPATHETIC, TOOK SOME PICTURES TO DOCUMENT IT, & GOT THE DOCTOR TO WRITE A PRESCRIPTION FOR SULFA SILVADENE CREAM TO HELP IT HEAL & PREVENT INFECTION.  I'VE USED IT 3 TIMES A DAY SINCE THEN, &THE PAIN FROM MY SKIN BREAKING DOWN IS STARTING TO LESSEN A LITTLE.  I HAVE A BRIGHT CHERRY RED BURN SPOT ON MY SHOULDER THAT IS SORE & GETS RUBBED BY MY CLOTHES, BUT IT HASN'T BROKEN OPEN YET.  HOPEFULLY IT WON'T SINCE THE CURRENT FOCUS OF RADIATION IS THE SCAR AREA FROM MY SURGERY & NOT ALL THE OTHER TENDER OR OPEN SPOTS.  THE TREATMENT ALSO IS MUCH QUICKER NOW SINCE THE FOCUS IS JUST ONE SPOT.

RADIATION

SURGERY WENT WELL WITHOUT A LOT OF PAIN INVOLVED.  THREE WEEKS AFTER SURGERY I STARTED DAILY RADIATION ON OCTOBER 31st.  I HAVE NINE MORE RADIATION TREATMENTS TO GO AT THIS POINT & SHOULD BE OFFICIALLY FINISHED AFTER THE DECEMBER 15th TREATMENT.  MY SKIN IS REALLY GETTING FRIED & PAINFUL.  I WISH I HAD THE GUMPTION TO TELL THEM "I QUIT." IT'S GETTING REALLY HARD TO KEEP GOING.  I ALSO AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF SOME EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.  MY HUSBAND IS GREAT ABOUT MANAGING BUSINESS & GETTING ME TO MY FRESNO DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS, BUT DOESN'T DO EMOTION, SO I'M KIND OF ON MY OWN FOR RADIATION AND EVERYTHING ELSE.  MY GOAL AFTER TREATMENT WAS TO VISIT MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS IN TEXAS FOR CHRISTMAS, BUT MY HUSBAND IS NOT SURE WE CAN.  I TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN CHOOSING & BUYING THE RIGHT GIFT FOR MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY TO SHOW THAT I LOVE THEM & KNOW THEM WELL & THAT SOMEONE IN THIS WORLD WANTS TO GIVE THEM THEIR HEART'S DESIRE (WITHIN FINANCIAL REASON OF COURSE.)  I'VE BEEN TOLD I CAN'T BUY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS & IT'S BREAKING MY HEART.  I KNOW MY KIDS KNOW I LOVE THEM WITH OR WITHOUT PRESENTS, BUT I FEEL SO POWERLESS & WANT TO CRY.  HE'S USED ALL THE STATE DISABILITY MONEY TO PAY THE HOUSE PAYMENT & MEDICAL BILLS WHICH ARE IMPORTANT.  HE CASHED IN MY LIFE INSURANCE POLICY, ALLOWED ME TO BUY A NEW BEDSPREAD & BOUGHT A BIG TICKET ITEM FOR HIMSELF, BUT IS HOLDING ONTO THE REST AS BACKUP.   I FEEL KIND OF HELPLESS, AS IF I HAVE NO SAY ABOUT MY LIFE BOTH MEDICALLY, FINANCIALLY, & ON THE HOME FRONT.  STUPID CANCER!    

HI HO HI HO IT'S OFF TO SURGERY I GO!

WE ARE LEAVING THE HOUSE IN JUST A FEW MINUTES TO HEAD TO THE FRESNO SURGERY HOSPITAL FOR MY LUMPECTOMY SURGERY. I'M OFF ON A NEW ADVENTURE & WILL POST AGAIN WHEN I FEEL UP TO IT. BLESSINGS!

PRE-OP VISITS COMPLETED--ON TO SURGERY!

-TODAY WAS QUITE A BUSY DAY GETTING ALL MY PRE-OP APPOINTMENTS OUT OF THE WAY IN PREPARATION FOR SURGERY THIS COMING MONDAY OCTOBER 10th. THE GOOD NEWS, AS STATED BEFORE, IS THAT THE LARGE TUMOR  I STARTED WITH HAS DISAPPEARED, SO SURGERY WAS DOWNGRADED FROM MASTECTOMY TO LUMPECTOMY. I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO GOD FOR THIS, BUT KNOW HE WOULD WALK WITH ME, THROUGH IT ALL, EVEN IF THE OUTCOME WAS NOT AS GOOD.
-TODAY I HAD TO HAVE AN EKG, LABS, U/A, BASELINE TEST FOR POSSIBLE LYMPHEDEMA OR ARM SWELLING AFTER SURGERY, LOTS OF PAPERWORK TO READ & FILL OUT, QUESTIONS TO GO OVER, POST OP BRA FITTING,  MASSAGE THERAPY TO MY LEFT ARM THAT WAS INJURED BY CHEMO, TO NAME A FEW. IT WAS A LONG DAY & BOY IS MY BODY & MY BRAIN TIRED! 
WE WILL NEED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE EARLY, AROUND 7 AM, ON MONDAY WHICH IS SURGERY DAY, TO GO FOR  A MAMMOGRAM & GUIDE WIRE INSERTIONS WHICH THE SURGEON WILL USE TO PINPOINT THE EXACT AREA TO REMOVE DURING SURGERY. THE OPERATION ITSELF IS SCHEDULED FOR 10:45 AM & SHOULD LAST ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF.  ADD IN SOME RECOVERY TIME AND BARRING ANY COMPLICATIONS, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO HOME THAT SAME DAY. NOT BAD FOR SOMEONE WHO WAS FACING A RADICAL MASTECTOMY & MULTIPLE RECONSTRUCTION SURGERIES JUST A SHORT TIME AGO. WHAT A CONTRAST TO WHAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN FACING! WHAT A MERCIFUL GOD!
-I HAVE MET A LOT OF REALLY NICE PEOPLE ALONG THE WAY, ON MY CANCER ADVENTURE.  WITH RECOVERY & SIX WEEKS OF DAILY RADIATION, I STILL HAVE A LITTLE WAY TO GO. I PRAY GOD WILL USE MY EXPERIENCE TO HELP OTHERS  AS THEY FACE THEIR OWN UNIQUE ADVENTURES TOO.  BLESS YOU ALL & THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS!

PTL-PTL-PTL-PTL!!! WONDERFUL NEWS

THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL PRAYERS ON MY BEHALF. GOD LISTENS & CARES & INTERVENES WHEN WE CALL ON HIM.  HE'S THERE THROUGH THE GOOD & THE BAD & DOESN'T LEAVE US HELPLESSLY FLOUNDERING. PRAYER REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
I HAD SEVERAL DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS TODAY AND GOT SOME WONDERFUL NEWS: THE REPEAT MRI I HAD DONE LAST WEEK TO CHECK TUMOR SHRINKAGE AFTER CHEMO WAS COMPLETELY CLEAR. TO QUOTE THE REPORT:"THERE HAS BEEN TOTAL RESOLUTION OF THE PREVIOUS LARGE LESION". I WENT FROM A LARGE RAPIDLY GROWING  TUMOR IN FEBRUARY (6 1/2 CENTIMETERS OR 2 TO 3 INCHES WIDE) TO NO TUMOR AT ALL IN SEPTEMBER. AS A RESULT OF THIS, MY UPCOMING SURGERY WAS DOWNGRADED FROM A MASTECTOMY OR REMOVAL OF THE WHOLE BREAST TO A MUCH SHORTER & SIMPLER LUMPECTOMY OR REMOVAL OF LESS THAN A GOLF BALL SIZED AMOUNT OF TISSUE WHERE THE TUMOR USED TO BE. THIS MEANS I WON'T NEED RECONSTRUCTION OR MULTIPLE MAJOR SURGERIES, WON'T NEED THE OTHER SIDE TO BE DECREASED IN SIZE TO EVEN THINGS OUT, WON'T NEED A SILICONE BREAST IMPLANT TO FILL UP THE EMPTY SPACE ON THE BREAST THAT HAD THE TUMOR, WON'T NEED LARGE SKIN GRAFTS FROM OTHER AREAS ON MY BODY TO REBUILD A REMOVED BREAST, WON'T HAVE GIANT SCARS (JUST 2 SMALL ONES),  WON'T NEED ANY DRAINS POST OP, WON'T HAVE TO STAY IN THE HOSPITAL & CAN GO HOME THE SAME DAY, WON'T HAVE A LONG SURGERY OR RECOVERY TIME, & WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT RADIATION MESSING UP THE PLASTIC SURGEONS RECONSTRUCTION WORK.
I WILL BE REQUIRED TO GO THROUGH 6 WEEKS OF DAILY RADIATION, THOUGH, TO KILL ANY POSSIBLE STRAY CANCER CELLS THAT MAY BE LEFT BEHIND, BUT THAT SEEMS LIKE A SMALL PRICE TO PAY.  I MADE IT THROUGH 6 MONTHS OF CHEMO AND ALL ITS UNLOVELY SIDE EFFECTS, & I'LL MAKE IT THROUGH RADIATION TOO WITH GOD'S CONTINUING HELP & MERCY. I'VE BEEN DOING A LITTLE HAPPY DANCE EVER SINCE I FOUND OUT THIS AFTERNOON & SO HAS EVERYONE ELSE I'VE TOLD. PTL-PTL-PTL-PTL-PTL-PTL-PTL- PRAISE THE LORD-PRAISE THE LORD-PRAISE THE LORD!!! I AM SO DEEPLY GRATEFUL. MY SURGERY DATE IS OCTOBER 27th. THEY SET ASIDE 4 OR 5 HOURS TO DO THE MASTECTOMY & TO BEGIN THE RECONSTRUCTION PROCESS. BUT BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS NOW SHORTER & SIMPLER & DOESN'T REQUIRE COORDINATING THE BREAST SURGEON & THE PLASTIC SURGEON, THEY MAY RESCHEDULE IT TO A SOONER DATE. I'M HOPING TO BE DONE WITH RADIATION BY CHRISMAS SO WE CAN VISIT WITH THE KIDS & GRANDKIDS THAT RECENTLY MOVED TO TEXAS. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM.

OPTIONS

-WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2011:
WE SAW THE PLASTIC SURGEON FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY.  HE COMES HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BY SEVERAL OTHER DOCTORS I KNOW. HE WILL BE HANDLING THE RECONSTRUCTION PROCESS THAT BEGINS THE DAY OF SURGERY WHEN I HAVE A  LUMPECTOMY OR MASTECTOMY, DEPENDING ON THE OUTCOME OF MY MRI. MY BREAST SURGEON, DR HADCOCK, WILL REMOVE WHAT NEEDS TO BE REMOVED & MY PLASTIC SURGEON, DR ASKREN, WILL STEP IN IMMEDIATELY AFTER, TO START THE RECONSTRUCTION OR REBUILDING & EVENING OUT PROCESS.  HE SPENT A GREAT DEAL OF TIME WITH US  (OVER AN HOUR & A HALF) & EXPLAINED THE MANY DIFFERENT OPTIONS AVAILABLE & GAVE ME A BOOK TO READ BEFORE MY NEXT VISIT. THEY ALSO TOOK 'BEFORE' PICTURES FOR MY FILE, WHICH I HAD BEEN DREADING, BUT IT WAS HANDLED BY A FEMALE MEMBER OF HIS STAFF, DIDN'T TAKE LONG, & WASN'T AS BAD AS I HAD IMAGINED. THE RECONSTRUCTION PROCESS IS A PROCESS.  IT REQUIRES A BIT OF TIME AND PROBABLY SEVERAL DIFFERENT SURGERIES TO COMPLETE. WE HAD A GOOD VISIT WITH THE PLASTIC SURGEON, BUT WALKED AWAY MORE CONFUSED THAN BEFORE. THERE WERE SO MANY OPTIONS & IT'S HARD TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO FACE BUT HAVE TO. WITH MASTECTOMY OR REMOVAL OF THE WHOLE BREAST, THERE'S A SMALL CHANCE RADIATION MAY BE SKIPPED IF IT HASN'T SPREAD ANYWHERE ELSE & IS NOT IN YOUR LYMPH NODE SYSTEM. WITH LUMPECTOMY OR REMOVING JUST THE TUMOR AREA & SOME OF THE SURROUNDING TISSUE AROUND IT, IT'S SLIGHTLY LESS INVASIVE, BUT REQUIRES RADIATION TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE KILLED ALL OF THE CANCER CELLS, IN CASE ANY ARE MISSED IN SURGERY. IT'S FOLLOWED BY RADIATION WHICH REQUIRES DAILY TREATMENT FOR 40+ DAYS AIMED AT A SPECIFIC MARKED SPOT EACH TIME. IT USUALLY BURNS THE SKIN & CHANGES THE TEXTURE  OF THE UNDERLYING TISSUE HINDERING RECOVERY & REPAIR. WE LEARNED FROM THE PLASTIC SURGEON THAT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT RADIATION MESSES UP ANYTHING THAT HE DOES & THE OUTCOMES ARE USUALLY NOT AS GOOD. THAT KIND OF LEFT ME IN A QUANDRY NOT KNOWING WHAT THEY WILL DO OR WHAT I SHOULD DO.  YOU KNOW, SO MANY CHOICES, SO LITTLE TIME.

-THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 15, 2011:
I REMAINED IN A STATE OF TURMOIL, NOT KNOWING WHICH WAY TO TURN OR WHICH SURGERY I WAS GOING TO HAVE, AND KNOWING THE DOCTORS WEREN'T ALL ON THE SAME PAGE & HADN'T DECIDED MY EXACT OPTIONS EITHER. I WENT TO LADIES BIBLE STUDY STILL UNSETTLED & UPSET, AND WONDER OF ALL WONDERS, GOD MINISTERED TO MY HEART.  HE MADE ME REALIZE, THAT ALTHOUGH MY FINAL OUTCOME WITH CANCER & SURGERY & RADIATION IS UNKNOWN TO ME, & POSSIBLY UNDECIDED YET BY MY DOCTORS, GOD KNOWS THE OUTCOME.  HE KNOWS WHAT I NEED, HE KNOWS WHAT I CAN HANDLE, AND HE LOVES ME & HAS MY BEST INTEREST IN MIND. HE WILL DIRECT THE DECISIONS THAT WILL BE MADE FOR MY CARE WHETHER THAT MEANS FOLLOWING THE NORMAL COURSE OF TREATMENT OR HAVING EXCEPTIONS MADE THAT I SPECIFICALLY NEED. I TRUST HIM & HE LOVES ME. I WILL NOT BE AFRAID & CONFUSED. SOMEONE I TRUST IS IN CONTROL. WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO BE! I'M IN GOD'S HANDS & DON'T HAVE TO BEAR THE WEIGHT OF ALL OF THIS MYSELF. THANKS LORD! I KNOW YOUR  SHOULDERS ARE A LOT BIGGER THAN MINE & YOU CAN HANDLE THIS & A LOT MORE.

BESIDES GIVING ME PEACE ABOUT MY UPCOMING TREATMENT, TODAY IS A SPECIAL DAY FOR ANOTHER REASON.  IT'S MY GRANDSON CALEB'S 10th BIRTHDAY. I WISH I COULD BE THERE TO GREET HIM IN PERSON & GIVE HIM A BIG OLE HUG. MY DAUGHTER & SON-IN-LAW TOOK THE KIDS INTO TOWN FOR A BIRTHDAY ICE CREAM TREAT & TO CALL GRANDPARENTS TO SAY THANK YOU FOR CARDS & PRESENTS. CALEB WOKE UP FEELING SICK & DIDN'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO A LOT. HE WAS ALSO FEELING A LITTLE SAD & DIDN'T WANT A BIRTHDAY PARTY BECAUSE HE WAS MISSING HIS FRIENDS BACK IN CALIFORNIA THAT HE USUALLY CELEBRATED WITH. HE WAS FASCINATED BY THE ROBOT CARD I MADE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE HAS HELPED ME MAKE A LOT OF THINGS WITH MY CRICUT MACHINE WHEN THEY WERE HERE, SO HE UNDERSTANDS HOW MUCH IS INVOLVED IN CHOOSING COLORS, CUTTING & GLUING A LOT OF TINY PIECES TOGETHER, & CREATING AN INDIVIDUALYIZED CARD OR GIFT MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE. MY DAUGHTER STOOD THERE WITH THE CAMERA READY TO CAPTURE HIS REACTION WHEN HE OPENED HIS PRESENTS/CARDS, BUT HE JUST KEPT STARING AT MY CARD FOR THE LONGEST TIME. HE GOT REAL EXCITED WHEN HE FINALLY REALIZED HE COULD NOW AFFORD THE LEGO MIND STORM KIT HE'S BEEN SAVING FOR 2 YEARS FOR WHICH WILL ALLOW HIM TO BUILD & PROGRAM HIS OWN LITTLE ROBOT. DID I MENTION HE IS ONE SMART & TALENTED COOKIE? THEY WENT TO TOYS R US TO GET THE MIND STORM KIT THAT THEY HAD SEEN THERE THE WEEK BEFORE, BUT FOUND IT WAS SOLD OUT. HE WAS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED BUT KEPT A GOOD ATTITUDE.  THEY ENDED UP ORDERING IT ON LINE WHICH SAVED THEM $30 PLUS NO SHIPPING & NO TAX. THAT IS BETTER IN THE LONG RUN ANYWAY.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALEB. I LOVE YOU!

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 19th, 2011:
WE WENT TO THE ONCOLOGISTS OFFICE TODAY, NOT TO SEE THE ONCOLOGIST FOR A CHANGE, BUT TO SEE A THERAPIST TO WORK ON MY LEFT ARM TO TRY & REPAIR SOME DAMAGE TO MY VEINS FROM THE CHEMO. I HAVE A BROWN STRIPE & TWO INDENTATION LINES FOLLOWING THE COURSE OF A COUPLE OF VEINS UP MY ARM THAT I'M TOLD IS SCAR TISSUE IN THE VEINS. SHE MASSAGED THE AREA IN A SPECIFIC MANNER TO TRY & BREAK UP THE SCAR TISSUE & STRETCH THE VEINS. I'VE HAD THESE INJURIES FOR 2 OR 3 MONTHS, BUT DIDN'T GET REFERRED FOR TREATMENT UNTIL NEAR THE END OF CHEMO. I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THE CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS WERE REVERSIBLE. NICE TO KNOW. SHE SHOWED ARTIE A LITTLE BIT OF HOW TO DO THE MASSAGE AT HOME ON A DAILY BASIS & MADE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT TO SEE US IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

-TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 20th, 2011:
WELL, TODAY WAS THE INFAMOUS "REPEAT MRI DAY" TO CHECK FOR TUMOR SHRINKAGE SINCE COMPLETING CHEMO. IT WILL PROBABLY DETERMINE HOW THEY WILL APPROACH MY SURGERY IN OCTOBER. THE 1st MRI WAS DONE BACK IN FEBRUARY, BEFORE I STARTED CHEMO & THE NOISE IT MADE WHILE I WAS INSIDE IT THEN WAS BONE JARRING & UNSETTLING. I WASN'T REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO REPEATING THIS. LAST TIME IT SEEMED LIKE THERE WERE 5 GUYS IN THERE WITH ME WITH THEIR JACK HAMMERS GOING FULL BLAST. IT ALSO SEEMED LIKE EACH OF THEM HAD A PET WOODPECKER WITH THEM, PECKING AWAY & MAKING AS MUCH RACKET AS THEY COULD POSSIBLY MAKE. I WAS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FIND THAT THIS TIME WAS NOT AS BAD AS THE FIRST. THE 1st 5 MINUTES SOUNDED LIKE THE EMERGENCY BROADCASTING TONE YOU HEAR ON THE RADIO OR TV TO GET YOUR ATTENTION & WARN YOU OF POTENTIAL DISASTERS. THE SECOND 5 MINUTES SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE HIT THE SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON IN A TV SHOW AND THE CONSTANT LOUD GONG WAS GOING OFF SO YOU COULD CLEAR OUT OF THE LAB (OR MRI ROOM) FAST BEFORE IT BLEW UP. THE 3rd 5 MINUTES SOUNDED LIKE A HIGH FREQUENCY MARTIAN DEATH RAY WAS AIMED AT EARTH AND WAS WREAKING HAVOC  & DESTRUCTION. DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE A GOOD IMAGINATION?  THE LAST 5 MINUTES WAS LIKE A COMBINATION OF ALL 3 PREVIOUS SOUNDS AT THE SAME TIME. IT WAS LOUD & IT WAS DEAFENING, BUT THEY TOLD ME THERE WAS ONLY 5 MINUTES LEFT SO I WAS OK WITH THAT. I COULDN'T EAT FOR 4 HOURS OR USE ANY DEODORANT, POWDER, OR CREAMS LIKE BEFORE, BUT I ARMED MYSELF WITH A GOOD PAIR OF EAR PLUGS IN ADDITION TO THE MUSIC HEAD PHONES THEY USUALLY OFFER. BETWEEN THE TWO, IT HELPED DECREASE THE NOISE LEVEL ENOUGH THAT IT WAS MUCH EASIER TO HANDLE. ALSO GOING THROUGH THIS TEST BEFORE & KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT, & KNOWING I ONLY HAD TO HANDLE IT FOR 20 MINUTES HELPED ME TOO. THEY ASKED ME BOTH TIMES WHAT MUSIC STATION I PREFER, BUT DIDN'T TURN IT TO THAT STATION EITHER TIME. THE 1st TIME IT WAS TURNED TO A WHINEY COUNTRY MUSIC STATION THAT I DON'T LIKE AND WHICH ADDED TO THE IRRITATION FACTOR, AND THIS TIME IT WAS TURNED TO AN OLDIES STATION THAT WASN'T TOO BAD. IT PROBABLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT STATION THEY ACTUALLY TURN IT TO IN THE LONG RUN AS THE MRI NOISE IS SO LOUD THAT IT DROWNS OUT THE MUSIC ANYWAY. AT LEAST WITH THE ADDITION OF THE EAR PLUGS THIS TIME, IT DIDN'T RATTLE ME AS BADLY AS BEFORE. I GUESS MARTIAN DEATH RAYS ARE NOT AS DISTURBING AS A ROOM FULL OF JACK HAMMERS. I'M VERY THANKFUL FOR LITTLE BLESSINGS. I'LL FIND OUT THE RESULTS ON THE 27th WHEN I SEE THE BREAST SURGEON, DR  MARGARET HADCOCK, AS WELL AS, RECEIVING MY SURGERY DATE & TYPE OF SURGERY THEY'VE DECIDED ON. BIG CHANGES AHEAD. GOOD THING I SERVE A BIG GOD! I SAW THE CHIROPRACTOR AFTER THE MRI FOR MY WEEKLY ADJUSTMENT. IT REALLY HELPS. AFTER DISCUSSING WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON WITH THE MRI & PLASTIC SURGEON,  HE ASKED ME TO CONSIDER WHAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME AFTER SURGERY. 1) HOW I LOOKED AT HOME IN THE MIRROR, OR 2) HOW I LOOKED OUT IN PUBLIC. HE SUGGESTED I CONSIDER SKIPPING RECONSTRUCTION & WEAR A CUSTOM MADE PROSTHESIS SEWN INTO MY BRAS & MADE TO MATCH THE OTHER SIDE IF MY PUBLIC APPEARANCE WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY PRIVATE APPEARANCE. MORE OPTIONS TO CONSIDER.

-SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 25th, 2011:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NEPHEW MATT NORDIN WHO TURNS 27 TODAY. I MADE A CARD BUT DIDN'T GET IT OFF IN THE MAIL YET. OOPS. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. LOVE YOU MATT.

-MONDAY SEPTEMBER 26th, 2011:
TALKED TO MY BROTHER TODAY. HE SOUNDED GOOD & MATT'S BIRTHDAY WENT VERY WELL. MATT EVEN GOT THE WEEKEND OFF WHICH IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL FOR A GUY WHO WORKS MORE THAN ONE JOB. LAURA IS BACK FROM HER TRIP TO MISSOURI & BACK TO WORK FOR THE SECOND DAY AFTER RECOVERY FROM HER ILLNESS.  SHE HASN'T HEARD BACK IF THERE'S A MISSOURI JOB OFFER ON THE TABLE OR NOT. JIM WOULD PREFER NO JOB OFFER & NO MOVING & IS TRYING TO MAKE REPAIRS ON THEIR UPSTAIRS APARTMENT SO THEY CAN GET IT RENTED OUT.  IT'S TOUGH LIFTING BIG SECTIONS OF DRYWALL BY YOURSELF. CHRIS & HIS GIRLFRIEND ARE THERE TO HELP FOR A LITTLE WHILE JUST LIKE OUR SON DAVID WAS OVER THIS MORNING TO TRY & HELP HIS DAD TAR THE ROOF AGAIN TO STOP A LEAK. LAST TIME FIXED THE MAJORITY OF THE LEAK SO IT DOESN'T POUR WATER INTO THE FRONT BEDROOM WHEN WATER IS SPRAYED ON THE ROOF, BUT THERE'S STILL A SMALL ELUSIVE LEAK THAT NEEDS TO BE PINPOINTED & REPAIRED BEFORE THE CEILING DRYWALL CAN BE REPLACED IN THE FRONT BEDROOM (MY CRAFTING & CARDMAKING AREA).  IT'S HARD FOR US OVER 50 TYPES TO PATIENTLY WAIT FOR HELP FROM OUR VERY BUSY 20 SOMETHING ADULT KIDS.  I'M GLAD THEY ARE WILLING THOUGH.  WE ALL HAVE GREAT KIDS.

-FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 23rd, 2011:
WENT TO THE ALLERGY DOC'S OFFICE FOR MY REGULAR WEEKLY ALLERGY SHOT. BOY WAS IT PACKED. I THINK EVERYBODY IN HANFORD COMES ON FRIDAY AFTERNOONS TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE COVERED FOR THE WEEKEND. THEY ARE ALWAYS REALLY NICE TO ME THERE, BUT MORE PEOPLE MEANS A LONGER WAIT TIME BEORE YOU GET YOUR SHOTS (1 IN EACH ARM). YOU ALSO HAVE TO STAY IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR 1/2 HOUR AFTERWARDS TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HAVE A BAD REACTION. GOOD THING I ALWAYS BRING A WORD PUZZLE BOOK IN MY PURSE TO WORK ON. IT'S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR SINCE I STARTED ALLERGY SHOTS WHICH HAVE HELPED MY ALLERGIES & BREATHING SOME. THEY LET ME KNOW IT'S TIME TO REORDER THE SPECIFIC ALLERGEN OR COMBINATION OF THINGS I'M HIGHLY ALLERGIC TO SO THE SHOTS CAN DESENSITIZE ME TO THOSE ITEMS. WE'LL HAVE TO COME UP WITH OUR COPAY OF $173 DOLLARS TO PAY OUR 20% OF THE INSURANCE COSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 6th TO CONTINUE TREATMENTS. I'D HATE TO STOP NOW, AFTER A YEAR, AND HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN AT A LATER DATE, BUT THE BANK ACCOUNT IS GETTING KIND OF LOW. WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.  AGAIN, GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED & ALWAYS PROVIDES IN THE NICK OF TIME.  HE'S FAMOUS FOR IT!

WIG ADVENTURES & CELEBRATIONS

I MUST BE GETTING REALLY USED TO HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF PEACH FUZZ ON MY HEAD & NOT WEARING MY WIG AROUND THE HOUSE MUCH ANYMORE.  I'VE HAD A COUPLE OF OOPS INCIDENTS WHERE I EITHER FORGOT TO WEAR IT OUTSIDE OR HAD PROBLEMS WITH IT STAYING ON IN PUBLIC. I REMEMBER LAUGHING, A LONG TIME AGO, WITH MY FRIEND JANIE AS SHE DESCRIBED HER WIG FALLING OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORE. AFTER SHE & HER SON JEFF GOT OVER THE INITIAL SHOCK, AND THE SURPRISE OF A MAN THAT HAPPENED TO BE NEARBY, ALL THEY COULD DO WAS BREAK INTO FITS OF LAUGHTER. THAT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU EITHER LAUGH OR CRY ABOUT IT.  AND NOW I HAVE A FEW TALES OF MY OWN TO TELL.  WIGS TEND TO BE A LITTLE ITCHY & HOT AFTER YOU'VE WORN THEM FOR A WHILE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE WEATHER IS HOT OUTSIDE. MY WIG IS USUALLY THE FIRST THING TO COME OFF WHEN I GET HOME FROM ANYWHERE FOLLOWED SHORTLY BY MY SHOES.  THAT WAY I AM INSTANTLY MORE COMFORTABLE. I HAVE  ACCIDENTLY ANSWERED THE FRONT DOORBELL ONCE OR TWICE, WITHOUT THINKING TO THROW SOMETHING ON MY HEAD FIRST. FORTUNATELY FOR ME, THE NEIGHBOR LADY WAS VERY UNDERSTANDING, NOT EASILY DISTURBED, AND KNOWS I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH CHEMO FOR QUITE A WHILE. A FEW DAYS AGO, I WENT INTO THE BACK YARD TO PUT BIRD SEED INTO THE BIRD FEEDER THAT MY GRANDSON CALEB MADE WHILE THEY WERE HERE. IT USED TO BE LOCATED IN A QUIET CORNER OF THE YARD ON THE TOP RAIL OF THE FENCE & IN THE SHADE OF A SMALL TREE. ARTIE HAD MOVED IT TO A MORE CENTRAL LOCATION SO HE COULD WATCH THE BIRDS BETTER FROM HIS RECLINER, BUT THE BIRDS DIDN'T SEEM TO LIKE THE NEW SPOT. WHEN I WENT OUT TO PUT FOOD IN THE FEEDER, I DECIDED TO MOVE IT BACK TO WHERE IT HAD ORIGINALLY BEEN & MAKE THE BIRDIES A LITTLE HAPPIER. I HAD TO STAND ON TOP OF THE BRICK PLANTER AT THE BACK OF OUR YARD TO REACH IT & THEN STAND ON THE BRICK PLANTER IN THE CORNER OF THE YARD TO PUT IT BACK ON THE FENCE WHERE IT USED TO BE.  AFTER I REFILLED IT AND WENT INTO THE HOUSE, I HAD THE SUDDEN REALIZATION THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A WIG OR SCARF ON MY HEAD AND THAT WHILE STANDING ON THE PLANTERS, MY HEAD & SHOULDERS WERE VISIBLE ABOVE THE FENCE, TO SEVERAL OTHER BACK YARDS AROUND US. OOPS! I GUESS THAT'S NOT THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN, AND IT'S PROBABLY NOT  A BIG DEAL, BUT IT COULD BE A LITTLE SHOCKING TO SOMEONE WHO WASN'T PREPARED. THEN YESTERDAY IN THE ALLERGY DOCTOR'S OFFICE, I DECIDED TO TAKE OFF MY HEADBAND . I WAS STARTING TO GET A HEADACHE FROM IT PRESSING IN A LITTLE TOO TIGHTLY. IT HAS SOME SMALL TEETH ON THE UNDERSIDE TO HELP KEEP IT IN PLACE. WHEN I REACHED UP TO PULL THE HEADBAND OFF, THE TEETH HELD ONTO THE HAIR & YANKED MY WIG MOST OF THE WAY OFF MY HEAD. THE MAN SITTING NEXT TO ME PRETENDED TO STARE STRAIGHT AHEAD AT THE TV IN THE WAITING ROOM, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE HE SAW. I WAS A LITTLE EMBARASSED AND AS QUICKLY & QUIETLY AS I COULD, PULLED IT BACK DOWN & TRIED TO ADJUST IT, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO LOOK NONCHALANT. BUT WHAT CAN I SAY? IT WAS THE FIRST TIME FOR MY WIG TO COME OFF IN A REALLY PUBLIC PLACE, BUT I'M SURE IT WON'T BE THE LAST TIME. THERE ARE ALWAYS NEW CANCER ADVENTURES WAITING AROUND THE CORNER. I SAW MY FAMILY DOCTOR LAST FRIDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I FOUND THE LUMP & HE ORDERED THE MAMMOGRAM, ETC. THAT STARTED THIS ADVENTURE. HE WANTED TO SEE WHAT MY HEAD LOOKED LIKE WITHOUT THE WIG SO I PULLED IT OFF & SHOWED HIM, BUT I DIDN'T MIND. THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN  IT ACCIDENTLY FALLING OFF. MY HAIR IS NOW ABOUT A QUARTER OF AN INCH LONG AROUND THE FRONT, SIDES, & THE BACK, BUT REMAINS MOSTLY BALD IN THE MIDDLE OR CENTER BACK. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ROBIN HOOD FANS, I HAVE THE FRIAR TUCK LOOK. I'M SURE THE MIDDLE WILL FILL IN TOO EVENTUALLY. IT JUST TAKES TIME.

MY FRIENDS SIA & MARIA CAME BY TODAY TO SEE ME. BOTH ARE NURSES AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL, WHERE I USED TO WORK. THEY BOTH HAVE WORK & CHURCH & BUSY FAMILY SCHEDULES TO JUGGLE AND I APPRECIATE SO MUCH THE TIME & EFFORT THEY WENT TO ON MY BEHALF. WE HAD A GREAT TIME CATCHING UP. MARIA BROUGHT US A JAR OF PEACHES SHE HAD CANNED. THEY TOOK ME OUT TO BRUNCH AT BLACK BEAR DINER TO CELEBRATE THE END OF CHEMO. THEY WOULDN'T LET ME PAY FOR ANYTHING, AND ON TOP OF IT ALL SNEAKILY BOUGHT ME A CUTE MUG THAT SAYS "BEARLY AWAKE" WHICH IS A GOOD DESCRIPTION OF ME IN THE MORNINGS. I'M NOT A MORNING PERSON, I'M A NIGHT OWL. I ALSO GOT TO EAT A TASTY STRAWBERRY WAFFLE  WHICH I HAVE BEEN CRAVING FOR SOME REASON FOR QUITE A WHILE. I REALLY ENJOYED MYSELF. THEY BROUGHT ME HOME & CAME IN FOR A FEW MINUTES. WE VISITED SOME MORE & I GOT TO SHOW THEM THE INNER WORKINGS OF WIGS & WHAT MY HEAD LOOKS LIKE WITHOUT IT. THEY SAID I LOOKED VERY PROFESSIONAL & BUSINESS-LIKE WITH MY NEW SUPER SHORT HAIRDO. IT WASN'T ALL THAT HARD TO TAKE MY WIG OFF THIS TIME, SO I GUESS IT GETS EASIER WITH PRACTICE.

I CALLED MY BROTHER THIS AFTERNOON TO WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. IT WAS GOOD TALKING WITH HIM, WE'VE DONE QUITE A BIT OF TALKING SINCE I STARTED ON MY CANCER ADVENTURE, BUT HE SOUNDED A LITTLE DOWN TODAY. HIS WIFE IS OUT OF TOWN ON A JOB INTERVIEW AND IF SHE IS OFFERED THIS JOB, IT WOULD MEAN MOVING TO ANOTHER STATE. THEY WOULD END UP ABOUT 3 HOURS DRIVE FROM WHERE MY AUNT & UNCLE LIVE IN SPRINGFIELD, MISSOURI. LAURA HAS COUSINS THERE THAT THEY'VE VISITED A NUMBER OF TIMES, BUT I'M NOT SURE MY BROTHER IS READY TO MOVE THERE. THEY'VE LIVED IN SANTA BARBARA FOREVER. THIS WOULD BE A REALLY BIG CHANGE. PLEASE PRAY THE LORD WILL HELP THEM MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS & HAVE PEACE ABOUT WHAT TO DO. I KNOW LAURA NEEDS A RELEASE FROM THE HIGH STRESS OF HER CURRENT JOB WHICH PROBABLY PLAYED A BIG ROLE IN HER RECENT ILLNESS & HOSPITALIZATION. SHE'S DOING MUCH MUCH BETTER NOW, BY THE WAY.

I ALSO GOT TO TALK WITH MY AUNT DARLENE FOR A LITTLE WHILE THIS AFTERNOON. I FOUND OUT MY UNCLE DARREL JUST HAD HERNIA SURGERY YESTERDAY.  HE SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL, GOT TO GO HOME THE SAME DAY, AND EVEN TOOK A SHORT WALK DOWN TO THE CORNER & BACK TODAY WITHOUT MUCH IN THE WAY OF PAIN MEDS. HE NORMALLY WALKS ON A DAILY BASIS & ALWAYS HAS FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER. HE'S A PRETTY HARDY SOUL FOR 87. I'M VERY IMPRESSED. I GET SO TIRED SO VERY QUICKLY AFTER JUST A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT. I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WORK UP TO IT SLOWLY. ONE STEP AT A TIME.

PART ONE IS OVER & OTHER GOOD NEWS

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 1st, 2011: CHEMO # 15
     STILL HAVING A FEW NEW SIDE EFFECTS APPEAR IN THE LAST WEEK. ONE TOENAIL POPPED OFF ON MY LEFT BIG TOE & THE RIGHT ONE IS THREATENING TO COME OFF. GRETCHEN HAD THAT HAPPEN TO HER, SO I WASN'T TOTALLY SURPRISED. THE OTHER TOES LOOK OK. MAYBE THE BIG ONES WERE THE ONLY ONES AFFECTED BECAUSE I HAD SURGERY ON BOTH OF THEM A LONG TIME AGO. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT OR NOT. CHEMO DID CAUSE A LOT OF OLD CUTS & SORES TO REAPPEAR IN THE BEGINNING. IT JUST TOOK A LITTLE LONGER FOR MY TOES. MY FINGERNAILS NO LONGER HAVE BIG HORIZONTAL LINES THROUGH THEM, BUT THEY ARE PEELING SOMETHING AWFUL. MINOR DETAILS, I GUESS. I HAD CHEMO  # 15 TODAY. I CAN FINALLY SEE THE END IN SIGHT. I HAD ARTIE BRING OUR CAMERA TO TAKE SOME PICTURES FOR MY SCRAPBOOK. THE NURSES HERE ARE AWSOME.


WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 7th, 2011: CHEMO #16
     HOORAY!  IT'S TAKEN 6 MONTHS, BUT I FINALLY COMPLETED MY LAST CHEMO TREATMENT TODAY.  I OFTEN FELT LIKE IT WOULD NEVER END, BUT IT FINALLY DID. (MARCH 10th TO SEPTEMBER 7th.)  I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT, BUT AGAIN: HIP HIP HOORAY! NOW ON TO MORE DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS WITH THE SURGEONS, A FOLLOW UP MRI TO CHECK TUMOR SHRINKAGE, & SURGERY SOMETIME IN OCTOBER. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THE THOUGHT OF COMPLETE LEFT MASTECTOMY. IT'S NOT A FUN CONCEPT, BUT I'VE ASKED THE LORD TO HELP ME DEAL WITH THIS ONE TOO. GOD HAS MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE WILL WALK ME THROUGH THIS AND THAT HE WILL RESTORE ALL THAT WAS LOST (JEREMIAH 32:44). I BELIEVE HIM. BETWEEN GOD, A VERY SUPPORTIVE FAMILY BOTH NEAR & FAR, AND SOME WONDERFUL LADIES AT CHURCH WHO I'LL GET TO SEE TOMORROW. I'M SO GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO FACE THIS ALONE. IT WOULD BE SO MUCH HARDER OR MAYBE EVEN IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT SUPPORT. I'M JUST REQUIRED TO TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME.  AND THEN TO TOP IT ALL OFF,
I WAS TOTALLY SURPRISED TODAY WHEN THE ONCOLOGIST STATED THERE WAS A SMALL POSSIBILITY THAT THEY COULD MODIFY THE MASTECTOMY & DO A LUMPECTOMY INSTEAD, REMOVING ONLY THE AREA WHERE THE TUMOR HAD BEEN.  HE TOLD ME THIS WOULD DEPEND ON THE MRI RESULTS & NOT TO GET MY HOPES UP, BUT I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS HEARING. I HAD JUST BEEN THINKING & PRAYING ABOUT THIS & HAD HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING LAST NIGHT BECAUSE OF IT. THEN SOMETHING ASTOUNDING HAPPENS AND IT SURPRISES ME. SILLY OLD ME. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN GOD IS INVOLVED. SERVING HIM IS NEVER DULL. THE ONCOLOGIST CALLED MY SURGEON RIGHT AWAY TO DISCUS EVERYTHING WITH HER, BUT PRIOR TO THIS HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY ADAMENT THAT I NEEDED A FULL MASTECTOMY & FULL COURSE OF RADIATION. HE'S REALLY STARTING TO CHANGE HIS TUNE. HE AND THE NURSE PRACTICIONER HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO FEEL THE TUMOR FOR SEVERAL OF THE LAST VISITS SO THE CHEMO HAS DONE WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO, IN SPITE OF THE MANY SIDE EFFECTS. I KNOW MYSELF & AM STILL ABLE TO FEEL A VERY SMALL FLAT AREA THERE.  ARTIE SUGGESTED IT MIGHT JUST BE SCAR TISSUE AND WHEN THE DOCTOR CAME IN, HE STATED THE SAME THING. THE MRI WILL TELL FOR SURE. I AM GREATLY ENCOURAGED.  ANOTHER INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT  HAPPENED TODAY IN THE INFUSION ROOM. WHEN I POINTED OUT THE 2 LARGE VEINS IN MY LEFT ARM THAT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED BY CHEMO (PAIN, PALE BROWN STRIPES AND INDENTATIONS FOLLOWING THE COURSE OF THE VEINS UP MY ARM) THE NURSE WHO STARTED MY IV DIDN'T JUST AVOID THOSE PARTICULAR VEINS. SHE PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH THE ONCOLOGISTS MASSAGE THERAPIST WHO CAN HELP REPAIR THE VEINS THROUGH MASSAGE & INCREASED CIRCULATION. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT SERVICE WAS AVAILABLE OR WOULD HELP THIS PARTICULAR SIDE EFFECT. INTERESTING DAY.

THE END MAY BE IN SITE

THURSDAY AUGUST 11, 2011: CHEMO #12

SATURDAY AUGUST 13, 2011: RIBBONS GROUP.
I WAS ABLE TO ATTEND THE SECOND MEETING OF OUR "RIBBONS GROUP", AS THEY CALL IT, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP AT CHURCH. IT HAS BEEN VERY INFORMATIVE WITH ALL KINDS OF BROCHURES, PAMPHLETS, NOTEBOOKS, & CD'S AVAILABLE TO US FOR FREE, BUT I THINK TALKING TO OTHER LADIES WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS BEFORE ME IS THE MOST HELPFUL. I WAS A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE AT THE 1st MEETING BECAUSE THEY HAD AN ICE BREAKER GAME WHERE THEY PUT ONE SHOE FROM EVERYONE IN A PILE, HAD US EACH PICK A RANDOM SHOE OUT OF THE PILE, THEN WE HAD TO FIND THE PERSON WHOSE SHOE WE PICKED OUT TO VISIT WITH PLUS DO THE SAME WITH THE PERSON WHO HAD OUR OTHER SHOE.  AFTER THAT WE ALSO HAD TO EACH STAND UP IN FRONT OF THE GROUP & TELL A LITTLE BIT ABOUT OURSELVES & OUR STAGE OF TREATMENT. BOTH OF THESE WERE WELL OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE. BEING PUT ON THE SPOT IS HARD FOR ME, BUT I DID IT ANYWAY. AT TODAY'S MEETING OUR ICE BREAKER GAME WAS MUCH EASIER. THEY DIVIDED US UP INTO TEAMS ACCORDING TO THE TABLE WE WERE SITTING AT.  IT WAS MORE LIKE A BABY OR WEDDING SHOWER GAME WHERE EVERYBODY AT YOUR TABLE  HAD TO COME UP WITH THE MOST ITEMS IN OUR PURSES AS A TEAM OFF OF A PRE- PRINTED LIST TO WIN, SUCH AS SAFETY PINS, CALENDARS, BOBBY PINS, GUM, CANDY, ETC. WE ALSO HAD MORE TIME AFTERWARDS TO VISIT AMONGST OURSELVES, WHICH I LIKED. OUR TABLE CAME IN SECOND, AND AS ALWAYS, THERE WERE PLENTY OF SNACKS & DOOR PRIZES TO GO AROUND. SOMEONE WAS INTERESTED IN THE WIG I WAS WEARING, BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T THINK IT LOOKED LIKE A WIG, SO I GOT BRAVE ENOUGH TO TAKE IT OFF FOR A MINUTE TO SHOW THEM THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE HAND TIED FRONT PART THAT GIVES YOU A VERY NATURAL REALISTIC LOOKING SECTION YOU CAN PART ANYWHERE COMPARED TO THE BACK OF THE WIG THAT IS MADE LIKE MOST OTHER WIGS. I'VE ALSO NOTICED THAT A LOT OF WIGS APPEAR VERY SHINY & THIS ONE IS NOT AS SHINY AS MOST. MY FRIEND LISA WAS SURPRISED THAT SOME OF MY HAIR IS FINALLY GROWING BACK IN. HERS STARTED GROWING BACK MUCH SOONER THAN MINE & CAME IN MUCH DARKER THAN IT USED TO BE. MINE IS COMING IN MUCH GREYER THAN IT USED TO BE WHICH IS NOT FAIR! HA HA. SHE JUST FOUND OUT SHE NEEDS TO BE HOSPITALIZED FOR ANOTHER 5 DAYS AGAIN IN SEPTEMBER TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER HEAVY DUTY ROUND OF CHEMO. PLEASE PRAY SHE DOESN'T LOSE HER SHORT BUT PRETTY NEW HAIR GROWTH ALL OVER AGAIN. THAT WOULD BE HARD FOR HER TO TAKE.

SUNDAY AUGUST 14th- TUESDAY AUGUST 16th: VISITORS!
MY AUNT & UNCLE & COUSIN JAMES CAME BY FOR A QUICK VISIT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS . THEY ARE THE ONES THAT GOT US TO MOVE FROM L.A. IN 1995 TO HANFORD, WHERE THEY USED TO LIVE. WE LIVED WITH THEM FOR ABOUT THE FIRST 3 1/2 YEARS WE WERE IN HANFORD UNTIL WE COULD AFFORD TO GET OUR OWN PLACE. MY AUNT IS MY MOM'S YOUNGER SISTER, AND WE HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE SINCE MY MOM DIED IN 1992. WE TALK ON THE PHONE OFTEN & USED TO PLAY FREQUENT CHAMPIONSHIP SKIP-BO CARD GAMES WHEN THEY STILL LIVED IN HANFORD. MY UNCLE USED TO CALL US THE SKIP-BO ADDICTS. THEY MOVED TO SPRINGFIELD MISSOURI ABOUT 5 YEARS AGO, FOLLOWING THEIR DAUGHTER & HER FAMILY & HAVE BEEN THROUGH SIMILAR UNEXPECTED THINGS WITH THEIR DAUGHTER'S SPOUSE TURNING HIS BACK ON GOD & SUDDENLY LEAVING & DIVORCING HIS FAMILY, AND THE SAME WITH OUR SON'S WIFE LEAVING & DIVORCING HIM TOO. NEITHER OF OUR KIDS EXPECTED OR WANTED THIS. IT'S BEEN HARD ON EVERYBODY & I STILL LOVE & MISS MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW & HER KIDS A LOT, BUT WE HAVE ALL HAD TO ADJUST & MOVE ON. BESIDES, I KNOW GOD WON'T LET GO OF THEIR FORMER SPOUSES EVEN IF HE REQUIRES US TO LET GO OF THEM NOW. HE'S NOT FINISHED WITH ANY OF US YET. BOTH OF OUR KIDS HAVE HAD TO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS IN THE INTERIM & WE WILL ALL SEE WHAT THE LORD WILL MAKE OF THEIR LIVES WITH HIM. DAVID BUYING HIS FIRST HOUSE IS A GOOD START IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION. MY AUNT DAR & UNCLE DARREL FLEW BACK TO CALIFORNIA TO VISIT DARREL'S SISTER RUTH, IN OREGON. WHO THEY HAVEN'T SEEN IN SOME TIME & WHOSE BELOVED HUSBAND RALPH DIED A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO. I KNOW IT ISN'T EASY FOR HER & IT WAS GOOD FOR DARREL TO GET TO SEE HIS BABY SISTER AGAIN. MY COUSIN JAMES LIVES AND WORKS IN THE SAN FRANCISCO AREA. HE TOOK A FEW DAYS OFF OF WORK TO DRIVE MY AUNT & UNCLE TO OREGON & BACK & THEN DOWN TO OUR HOUSE. MY UNCLE IS ABOUT 86 & MY AUNT IS 15 YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM.  THEY GOT MARRIED & HAD KIDS LATE IN LIFE (30's &50's) SO THEIR KIDS ARE CLOSE IN AGE TO MINE. OUR GIRLS ARE FRIENDS, SHARED A TINY BEDROOM IN HIGH SCHOOL, & ARE JUST 3 MONTHS APART IN AGE. IN FACT, THEIR DAUGHTER, KARA, GOT TO VISIT WITH OUR DAUGHTER, REBECCA, AT THEIR NEW LOCATION IN TEXAS WHILE DAR & DARREL WERE HERE & KARA'S LITTLE 2 YEAR OLD JUDE IS AWAY FROM HER FOR THE FIRST TIME TO VISIT WITH HIS OTHER GRANDPARENTS FOR 10 DAYS WITH HIS DADDY. SO EVERYBODY IN THE FAMILY  IS VISITING WITH EVERYBODY ELSE, SO TO SPEAK, AT THE SAME TIME.  UNCLE DARREL DOESN'T REALLY DRIVE MUCH ANYMORE SO JAMES DRIVING THEM AROUND WAS VERY HELPFUL. JAMES USED TO COME HOME TO VISIT HIS FOLKS IN HANFORD FOR MOST HOLIDAYS & ON OTHER OCCASIONS TOO.  I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE THEY MOVED AWAY & HAVE COME TO REALIZE I MISSED HIM A LOT. IT WAS SO GREAT HUGGING HIM AGAIN EVEN IF I HAVE TO STAND ON MY TIPPY TOES TO DO SO (HE'S VERY TALL) AND JUST HAVING THE TIME TO VISIT A LITTLE. HE SHOWED ME SOME REALLY COOL OLD PICTURES OF HIS DAD & HIS DAD'S COUSIN DRESSED IN SAILOR SUITS WHEN THEY WERE KIDS WHICH IS JUST TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. HE ALSO HAD A FAMILY HISTORY NOTEBOOK FROM HIS DAD'S SIDE DOCUMENTING THE EARLY YEARS IN ARKANSAS. VERY INTERESTING. I WISH I HAD THOUGHT TO MAKE A COPY  OF THE SAILOR SUIT PICTURE. AGAIN, TOO CUTE! MY AUNT & I HAD TO RETURN TO OUR OLD HABIT OF PLAYING SKIP-BO. I POOPED OUT SOONER THAN SHE DID, AND SADLY, IT HAD BEEN SO LONG SINCE EITHER ONE OF US PLAYED, WE HAD A HARD TIME REMEMBERING HOW. WE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT, AND I AM STILL PROUD TO SAY I AM THE SKIP-BO CHAMPIONSHIP QUEEN OF THE WORLD!  I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GO VISIT THEM AGAIN FOR A REMATCH. I'M NOT SURE I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP MY TITLE, THOUGH. ANYWAY, WE WERE GOING TO BAR-B-QUE FOR  DINNER MONDAY NIGHT, WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER ON JAMES & I NOT HAVE TO GO OUT ANYWHERE, BUT THEY TOOK US OUT TO CATTLEMAN'S STEAKHOUSE  INSTEAD , WHICH WAS EASIER ON ARTIE & MY AUNT, WHO WOULD HAVE HAD TO PREPARE THE MEAL IF WE STAYED AT HOME. THEY EVEN PAID THE BILL FOR OUR MEAL. MY DAD & HIS WIFE ROSE MARIE JOINED US, BUT I WAS PRETTY POOPED BY THAT POINT IN THE DAY & DIDN'T FEEL UP TO TALKING OR VISITING MUCH. I  FELT BAD ABOUT THAT, & HOPE WE CAN HAVE A GOOD VISIT WITH THEM AT A LATER DATE WHEN I FEEL BETTER. THEY ONLY LIVE ABOUT 1/2 AN HOUR'S DRIVE AWAY, SO THAT'S A LITTLE MORE POSSIBLE. DAR & DARREL LEFT TUESDAY MORNING WITH JAMES DRIVING THEM AS FAR AS SAN FRANCISCO. HE HAD SOME WORK TO CATCH UP ON AND THEY HAD TO FLY BACK TO MISSOURI WAY EARLY THE NEXT MORNING. I TOOK A LONG NAP AFTER THEY LEFT, BUT IN SPITE OF THE TIREDNESS, AM REALLY GLAD THEY ALL CAME.  MY AUNT WOULDN'T LEAVE BEFORE LAUNDERING ALL THE SHEETS & TOWELS THEY HAD USED WHILE HERE WHICH WAS REALLY SWEET & MOTHERLY OF HER. I MISS THEM ALL ALREADY.

THURSDAY AUGUST 18th: CHEMO # 13

SUNDAY AUGUST 21st: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY STEP-MOM, ROSE MARIE. THEY WENT OUT OF TOWN, AS PER USUAL, AS THEY DO FOR MANY  HOLIDAYS & OCCASIONS. THAT WAY THEY CAN GET AWAY FROM IT ALL & TRULY RELAX. HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GREAT TIME & YOU LIKED THE CARD I MADE! I REALLY HAD FUN MAKING IT. IT WAS IN THE SHAPE OF A FANCY TEA CUP THANKS TO MY HANDY DANDY CRICUT SHAPE CUTTING MACHINE, WITH PINK PAPER LACE ACROSS THE TOP MADE FROM A MARTHA STEWART PAPER PUNCHER SET I HAVE & A PRETTY LITTLE PINK RIBBON. (PINK IS HER FAVORITE COLOR.) I REALLY WISH I KNEW HOW TO SCAN A PICTURE OF IT INTO THE COMPUTER & ATTACH IT TO MY BLOG TO SHOW EVERYONE. THAT WAY I COULD HAVE A MULTIPURPOSE CANCER ADVENTURES/ CRAFTING BLOG TOO. UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T KNOW HOW. MY DAUGHTER PUT ALL THE PICTURES INTO MY BLOG IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN SHE WAS HERE. I MEANT TO HAVE HER TEACH ME THAT SKILL BEFORE SHE LEFT, BUT ALAS, I DIDN'T REMEMBER TO ASK HER. THINGS DON'T SEEM TO STICK IN MY HEAD FOR LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES DUE TO CHEMO BRAIN & SOME OF MY COMPUTER SKILLS ARE LACKING. IT SEEMS THE FORGETFULNESS GETS WORSE AS THE TREATMENT PROGRESSES.
WHO AM I? WHERE AM I? WHAT WAS I DOING OR TRYING TO SAY? OH WELL!  YOU GET THE DRIFT. WHEN I MAILED ROSE MARIE'S CARD A FEW DAYS AGO, I ALSO REMAILED KRISTEN'S BIRTHDAY CARD. KRISTEN IS MY FORMER DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S YOUNGEST FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. I STILL SEND BIRTHDAY CARDS, WITH A NOTE, OR A LITTLE CASH AS THE BUDGET ALLOWS, AND A STARBUCKS GIFT CARD FOR A SPECIAL TREAT TO ALL 3 OF HER KIDS. KRISTEN'S  BIRTHDAY WAS JULY 17th BUT THEY MOVED RATHER SUDDENLY, WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW, SO IT CAME BACK IN THE MAIL. I'M GLAD HER MOM DIDN'T CHANGE HER PHONE NUMBER TOO, SO I WAS ABLE TO EVENTUALLY GET THEIR NEW ADDRESS & RESEND IT. I USED A PAPER DOLL CARTRIDGE TO CREATE A CUTE CARD OF A LITTLE GIRL JUMPING ROPE WITH RHINESTONES, SPARKLY FLOWERS & A BUTTERFLY ON A CIRCULAR LACY  ROUND CARD & MATCHING ENVELOPE. I EVEN THINK THE PAPER DOLL KIND OF LOOKS LIKE HER. SHE JUST TURNED 8.

MONDAY AUGUST 22nd- CARS & ADVERTISEMENTS:
ARTIE ADVERTISED MY OLD CAR ON CRAIGS LIST. IT'S A LITTLE  HYUNDAI ACCENT COMMUTER CAR WITH GOOD GAS MILEAGE THAT WE BOUGHT WHEN I GOT THE JOB AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL
IN 2002. IT HAS ABOUT 150,000 MILES ON IT & HAS SERVED ME WELL.  I HAD A FIN PUT ON IT WHEN IT WAS NEW WHICH MAKES IT REALLY CUTE, AT LEAST TO ME. IT WAS THE VERY FIRST NEW CAR I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY WHOLE LIFE. I'M FEELING A LITTLE BIT SENTIMENTAL IN LETTING IT GO, BUT IT'S BEEN SITTING AROUND UNUSED & COLLECTING DUST & WE COULD USE A BOOST IN OUR INCOME RIGHT NOW. WHEN I FEEL UP TO DRIVING, I DRIVE ARTIE'S OLD CAR. IT DOESN'T HAVE A CUTE LITTLE FIN, BUT IT DOES HAVE A SUN ROOF. I THINK THAT'S THE CLOSEST I'M GOING TO GET TO THE CONVERTIBLE I'VE WANTED FOR YEARS. A NICE COUPLE FROM LEMOORE CAME BY TO TEST DRIVE IT AND DECIDED TO BUY IT. THEY ARE SURPRISING A VERY LUCKY 16 YEAR OLD SON WHO JUST GOT HIS DRIVER'S LICENCE. CUTE CAR WITH FIN-BRIGHT BLUE COLOR- TEENAGE BOY: I THINK THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER. AT LEAST IT MAKES IT EASIER TO LET IT GO. IT'S KIND OF SILLY TO GET ATTACHED TO A CAR. OH WELL! ARTIE GAVE ME A SMALL AMOUNT OF THE MONEY FROM THE CAR AT MY REQUEST. I WANTED TO REPLACE OUR WORN OUT BEDSPREAD & GOT ALL EXCITED ABOUT FINALLY BEING ABLE TO DO IT, BUT DIDN'T ACT FAST ENOUGH. HE NEEDED THE MONEY BACK TO GET SOME ESSENTIALS WE NEEDED FROM COSTCO LIKE TOILET PAPER ETC. & NOW PROBABLY CAN'T REPLACE IT BECAUSE OF PENDING MEDICAL BILLS. I GUESS THE MORAL OF THE STORY  IS EITHER 1.)EASY COME EASY GO OR 2.)SPEND IT AS FAST AS YOU GET IT. I'M NOT SURE WHICH. TAKE YOUR PICK. I UNDERSTAND HIS REASONING, BUT I SURE WAS DISAPPOINTED.

TUESDAY AUGUST 23rd- REGULAR LABS:
I USED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HAVING TO WAIT TOO LONG IN THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL LAB WAITING ROOM TO GET MY REGULAR LABWORK DONE FOR MY TRANSPLANT DOCTORS. RIGHT NOW, I GET BLOOD DRAWN EVERY WEEK AT THE ONCOLOGISTS OFFICE TO MAKE SURE MY BLOOD CELL COUNTS & ANEMIA HAVEN'T DROPPED SO LOW THAT  I NEED ANOTHER BLOOD TRANSFUSION OR THEY HAVE TO CANCEL MY CHEMO FOR ANOTHER WEEK OF RECOVERY TIME.  MY TRANSPLANT DOCTORS LOOK AT SOME OF THE SAME TESTS, BUT MOSTLY THEY ARE INTERESTED IN THE BLOOD LEVELS OF THE IMMUNOSUPPRESSANT DRUG I TAKE TO PROTECT MY TRANSPLANTED LIVER. THIS IS A TIMED TEST THAT HAS TO BE DRAWN IN THE MORNING, 12 HOURS AFTER I TOOK THE LAST DOSE THE NIGHT BEFORE. IT GETS A LITTLE COMPLICATED SOMETIMES IN GETTING THE TIMING RIGHT. MY LABS AT THE ONCOLOGIST'S OFFICE ARE DRAWN IN THE AFTERNOON & DON'T INCLUDE THIS DRUG LEVEL OR A FEW OF THE OTHER THINGS THE TRANSPLANT DOCTOR NEEDS TO SEE. I WAS GETTING THESE DONE EVERY 8 WEEKS, BUT NOW THEY WANT ME TO CHECK MY REGULAR LABS MONTHLY WHILE UNDERGOING TREATMENT FOR CANCER. I USED TO JUST HAVE TO GO DOWN THE HALL FROM THE UNIT I WORKED IN AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL AT THE BEGINNING OF MY SHIFT TO GET THIS DONE. SINCE I STOPPED WORKING AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL, IT'S BEEN TOUGHER TO ARRANGE. IT'S ALSO COMPLICATED BY THE FACT THAT I'M OFTEN TOO TIRED TO DRIVE MYSELF, MY HUSBAND IS OUT & ABOUT & WORKING MORE THAN HE WAS & ISN'T ALWAYS AVAILABLE, & MY HEALTH INSURANCE FROM CHILDREN'S  HOSPITAL ENDED AS OF JULY 1st BECAUSE OF BEING FIRED FOR BEING SICK TOO LONG, SO I CAN'T GO THERE ANYMORE FOR MY LABWORK, AND THE LOCAL HOSPITAL IN HANFORD WAS RECENTLY REBUILT AT A NEW LOCATION,  & I DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHERE TO GO. THROW IN A LITTLE CHEMO BRAIN FORGETFULNESS & YOU GET THE PICTURE. BUT TODAY I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO DRIVE MYSELF THERE, FIND THE NEW LOCATION, AND GET MY REGULAR LABS DRAWN FOR MY TRANSPLANT DOCTORS. IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH, BUT IT WAS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME. AS I STARTED TO SAY AT THE BEGINNING OF TODAY'S BLOG, I THOUGHT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL LAB WAS SLOW IN PROCESSING PEOPLE, BUT NOW REALIZE THIS MAY BE UNIVERSALLY TRUE OF ALL LABS. IT TOOK A REALLY LONG TIME TO GET MY BLOOD DRAWN AT HANFORD COMMUNITY HOSPITAL'S OUTPATIENT LAB. THEIR FACILITY MAY BE BRAND NEW, BUT THE PROCESS  HAS NOT IMPROVED A GREAT DEAL. IT TOOK 45 MINUTES IN THE MAIN WAITING ROOM BEFORE THEY EVEN REGISTERED ME FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER WAIT IN THE SECONDARY LAB WAITING ROOM FOR THEM TO CALL MY NAME & DRAW MY BLOOD. IT'S A GOOD THING I HAVE THE TIME TO WAIT. MY TIMED TEST WAS A LITTLE LATE BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS, BUT AT LEAST IT'S DONE FOR THIS MONTH. HURRAY! I ASKED THE GIRL WHO DREW MY BLOOD IF GAIL STILL WORKED THERE. SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO NICE TO ME WHEN I USED TO BE A FREQUENT FLYER AT THE LAB THERE BEFORE MY DAYS AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. SHE TOLD ME YES, & WENT & GOT HER. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY RECENT CANCER ADVENTURES WHICH MADE HER START TO CRY. SHE SAID SHE WOULD PRAY FOR ME TOO & WE HUGGED. SHE KNOWS I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. I TOLD HER SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO CRY FOR ME BECAUSE EMOTIONALLY & PHYSICALLY I'M DOING FINE. IT'S NICE TO HAVE FRIENDS IN ALL KINDS OF PLACES.

THURSDAY AUGUST 25th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOTH OF MY KIDS!
YES, BOTH OF MY KIDS HAVE THE EXACT SAME BITHDAY ONLY 4 YEARS APART IN AGE. WISH I COULD CELEBRATE WITH BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME LIKE I USED TO WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE. I GOT TO SEE DAVID BRIEFLY, IN THE MORNING, AS HE CAME BY EARLY TO TRY & HELP HIS DAD FIND A LEAK IN THE ROOF BEFORE WE HAD TO LEAVE FOR CHEMO # 14. I AT LEAST GOT TO WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEFORE WE HAD TO LEAVE. NO SUCCESS WITH THE LEAK YET. I HAD HIS CAKE MADE & PRESENTS BOUGHT, BUT NO TIME FOR THE USUAL FESTIVITIES. WILL HAVE TO POSTPONE FOR A DAY OR TWO. I HAD TO TEXT MY DAUGHTER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. THEY HAD TO DISCONNECT THE HOUSE PHONE NUMBER THAT USED TO BELONG TO JON'S GRANDMA. NONE OF THEIR SPRINT CELL PHONES WORK  FOR TALKING PURPOSES IN THE RURAL AREA OF TEXAS WHERE THEY NOW LIVE. TEXTING SEEMS TO WORK STILL, SO THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET A HOLD OF THE THEM UNTIL THEY ARE ABLE TO CHANGE CARRIERS. VERIZON, WHICH WE HAVE, REPORTEDLY DOES FINE. CAN'T WAIT TIL I CAN HEAR THEIR VOICES AGAIN. IN THE MEAN TIME, TEXTING WILL HAVE TO DO. I MAILED HER PRESENTS A FEW DAYS AGO SO HOPEFULLY IT WON'T TAKE FOREVER TO GET THERE. WE'LL SEE. MY ONCOLOGIST VERIFIED WITH ME THAT I ONLY HAVE 2 MORE CHEMOS AFTER TODAY'S TREATMENT & SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE SURGERY IN ABOUT 6 WEEKS. I DON'T KNOW THE EXACT DATE YET UNTIL I SEE MY SURGEON AGAIN, DR MARGARET HADCOCK IN FRESNO, WHO I REALLY LIKE A LOT. SHE WAS VERY CARING & COMPASSIONATE. AFTER THAT WILL BE DAILY RADIATION, SO THE END OF TREATMENT IS DIMLY IN SIGHT. UNTIL NOW, IT'S FELT LIKE CHEMO WAS NEVER GOING TO END.

SATURDAY AUGUST 27th: BIRTHDAYS & LEAKS.
I WOKE UP EARLIER THAN I USUALLY DO AROUND 8 AM. I WAS STILL PRETTY SLEEPY, BUT ARTIE ASKED ME IF I COULD GET UP & GET DRESSED TO HELP HIM TRY AGAIN TO PINPOINT THE LEAK IN THE ROOF ABOVE THE FRONT BEDROOM BEFORE IT GOT TOO HOT OUTSIDE. I WATCHED THE HOLE HE HAD CUT IN THE CEILING ON THE INSIDE OF THE HOUSE WHILE HE SQUIRTED WATER ON DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE ROOF TO TRY AND PINPOINT WHERE THE WATER IS RUNNING FROM, SO IT CAN GET FIXED BEFORE WINTER RAINS. WE TRIED FOR ABOUT 1/2 AN HOUR WITH ME OCCASIONALLY RUNNING OUTSIDE TO INCREASE THE WATER FLOW & PRESSURE IN THE HOSE.  IT DRIPPED STEADILY & GUSHED ONCE, BUT NOT CONSISTENTLY. WE STILL COULDN'T TELL EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS COMING FROM. WE ONLY KNOW WHERE IT ENDS UP (IN THE FRONT BEDROOM CEILING.) I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO TRY AGAIN LATER. ARTIE HAD TO LEAVE TO GO TO AN APPOINTMENT AT ONE OF THE FIRE STATIONS WHOSE MEMBERS HE HELPS WITH BENEFITS & LIFE INSURANCE NEEDS.
LATER IN THE DAY, WE MET OUR SON, DAVID, AT SIZZLER WHEN HE GOT OFF WORK AT 4 PM. TO FINALLY CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY. WE CAME HOME AFTER EATING, HAD BIRTHDAY CAKE, & HE OPENED HIS PRESENTS WHICH HE SEEMED TO REALLY LIKE. ONE OF THEM WAS A METAL PLAQUE STATING SOMETHING HE HAD WANTED FOR HIS NEW HOUSE: "AS FOR ME & MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD". I'M SO PROUD OF THAT BOY! HE'S MAKING SO MANY GOOD CHOICES THESE DAYS AS OPPOSED TO THE NEGATIVE CHOICES HE OFTEN MADE AS A TEEN. I'M GLAD WE ALL SURVIVED THOSE YEARS. I'M PROUD OF MY DAUGHTER & SON-IN-LAW & GRANDKIDS TOO. I AM TRULY BLESSED.

KIDS & JOBS COME & GO, BUT CHEMO GOES ON FOREVER

ONCE AGAIN, IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED ANYTHING. AT FIRST, I DIDN'T FEEL WELL ENOUGH TO WORK ON IT, THEN, IT HAD BEEN SO LONG SINCE I POSTED, THAT CATCHING UP WAS INTIMIDATING. SO, HERE GOES :

JOBS COME & JOBS GO:
-MY LAST DAY OF WORK WAS MARCH 9th. MY FIRST CHEMO WAS MARCH 10th. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO WORK TUESDAY MARCH 15th, GIVING ME 5 DAYS TO RECOVER BEFORE GOING  BACK TO WORK. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, THE WORST OF THE CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS SEEM TO HIT ME ABOUT 4 OR 5 DAYS AFTER TREATMENT. I FELT VERY BAD PHYSICALLY THE DAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK. I WAS DETERMINED I WAS GOING TO DO THIS & FORCED MYSELF TO GET DRESSED FOR WORK ANYWAY. I FELT BAD ENOUGH THAT I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF THE 45 MINUTES TO WORK, SO ARTIE TOOK ME. WE GOT AS FAR AS SELMA, WHICH IS 20 MINUTES AWAY FROM HOME, DECIDED THIS WAS RIDICULOUS TO GO TO WORK WHEN I FELT THIS BAD, SO TURNED AROUND & WENT BACK HOME. THUS STARTED MY MEDICAL LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK. WE JUMPED THROUGH ALL THE HOOPS, SIGNED ALL THE PAPERS, TURNED EVERYTHING IN ON TIME INCLUDING DOCTOR FORMS OR WHATEVER ELSE WAS NEEDED. AND JUST ABOUT THE TIME I FINISHED THE HARD CHEMO & HAD STARTED TO FEEL A TINY BIT BETTER, AND 12 WEEKS TO THE DAY FROM WHEN I STOPPED WORKING, I GOT FIRED JUNE 2nd. I GOT THE DREADED CALL ON JUNE 3rd FROM THE HUMAN RESOURCES LEAVE COORDINATOR, JENNIFER HODGE & MAUREEN INFORMING ME OF THEIR DECISION  & STATING, THEY HOPED I WILL FEEL BETTER IN THE FUTURE, BUT BASICALLY:DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU. I WAS OFFICIALLY TERMINATED!  I WAS SHOCKED & A LITTLE BIT ANGRY.  I KNOW THIS MAY BE COMMON BUSINESS PRACTICE TO CUT YOUR LOSSES WHEN SOMEONE IS TOO SICK TO WORK, BUT IT SEEMS SO WRONG MORALLY. IT REALLY FELT LIKE BEING KICKED WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY DOWN AFTER 8 1/2 YEARS OF FAITHFUL SERVICE . I FOOLISHLY THOUGHT THAT A CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WOULD BE MORE COMPASSIONATE, BUT I GUESS THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE THESE DAYS. I KNOW NOW THAT GOD WAS RELEASING ME FROM A VERY DEMANDING STRESS-FILLED JOB, BUT IT'S TAKEN A LITTLE WHILE TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION. I WAS TOLD I COULD REAPPLY FOR A POSITION IF & WHEN I GOT BETTER, BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DO THAT WHEN THEY WOULDN'T STAND BY ME WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST. I HAD BEEN FEELING GOD WAS POSSIBLY GOING TO REMOVE MY JOB & INCOME FOR A WHILE EVEN BEFORE THE CANCER DIAGNOSIS, BUT I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE WAY IT HAPPENED. ANOTHER RESULT OF BEING FIRED IS THAT I LOST MY PRIMARY HEALTH INSURANCE, VISION & DENTAL CARE. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT OTHERS WOULD DO IF PLACED IN THE SAME POSITION. WHAT IF THEY WERE THE ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME FOR THEIR FAMILY, OR HAD NO FAMILY SUPPORT, OR NO BACK UP INSURANCE. HOW DEVASTATING WOULD THAT BE? THANKFULLY, MY HUSBAND HAD THE FORESIGHT TO ADD ME TO HIS INSURANCE ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED & BEFORE HE RETIRED, SO I HAD BACK UP INSURANCE.  IT DOESN'T INCLUDE VISION & DENTAL CARE, BUT SHOULD COVER 80 % OF MY UPCOMING SURGERY & TREATMENT. WE WERE TOLD WE COULD CONTINUE THE PRIMARY INSURANCE I HAD BEFORE THROUGH CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WITH COBRA, BUT THE COSTS WERE PROHIBITIVE. WE COULDN'T AFFORD THE $700 A MONTH IT WOULD COST TO KEEP THINGS THE WAY THEY WERE IN OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES.

UPDATE ON THE KIDS:
-JUNE 24th: MY DAUGHTER & HER SWEET LITTLE BOYS LEFT HANFORD TO JOIN HER HUSBAND IN COSTA MESA, PACK ALL THEIR BELONGINGS, SAY GOODBYE TO THEIR FRIENDS, & START A NEW LIFE IN TEXAS. MY SON-IN-LAW, JON, WILL BE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TO GET A DEGREE AT TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY, WHICH SHOULD TAKE ABOUT 5 YEARS TO DO. FROM THERE, WHO KNOWS WHERE? THEY LEFT ME WITH AN ORGANIZED HOUSE, CLOSER FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, AND A NEWLY REDECORATED LIVING ROOM WITH FRESHLY SEWN PILLOWS & CURTAINS & NEWLY PAINTED COFFEE TABLE, END TABLES, BOOKCASE, & ROCKER THAT WE PICKED UP AT SECOND HAND STORES INEXPENSIVELY. IT REALLY PERKED THINGS UP & LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. I  ENJOYED OUR TALKS TOGETHER, ENJOYED SNUGGLING WITH A 4 (NOW 5) YEAR OLD, AND CRAFTING PROJECTS WITH CALEB & BEN BOTH. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN IN SPITE OF HOW I FELT. DAVID BROUGHT THEM A LOT OF DO IT YOURSELF BUILD & GROW KITS FROM LOWE'S DESIGNED FOR KIDS TO BUILD INTO BIRD FEEDERS, GAMES, ETC WHICH CALEB BUILT & BEN ENJOYED. I CAN NEVER REPAY THE SACRIFICES THEY MADE THAT ALLOWED THEM TO BE HERE FOR ME FOR THE LAST 4 MONTHS. THE HOUSE STAYS MUCH NEATER NOW AND IS VERY QUIET, BUT I THINK I PREFER NOISY & FULL. IT'LL TAKE SOME GETTING USED TO. I'M KIND OF BOOKED FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS WITH FINISHING UP CHEMO, THEN ON TO  SURGERY & RADIATION. IT'S STILL A LITTLE BIT OVERWHELMING AT TIMES, WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, BUT I'VE COME TO REALIZE, IN HAVING EVERYONE HERE UNDER ONE ROOF, THAT I LOVED BEING CLOSE TO MY GRANDKIDS & DON'T WANT TO MISS OUT ON THE NEXT 5 YEARS OF THEIR LIVES IN TEXAS. WE'LL SEE WHAT GOD HAS IN MIND FOR THEM, FOR US, & FOR THIS DESIRE HE'S PLACED IN MY HEART.

-JULY 28th: ESCROW CLOSED & MY SON, DAVID, AND HIS LITTLE DOG, DAISY, WERE ABLE TO MOVE INTO THEIR  OWN HOUSE AFTER 2 YEARS OF LIVING WITH MOM & DAD. HIS HOUSE IS A SMALL VICTORIAN STYLE BUILT IN 1902 WITH A BIG FRONT PORCH. IT'S IN DECENT SHAPE, CONSIDERING HOW OLD IT IS WITH 3 BEDROOMS, 2 BATHS, A FENCED IN YARD, AND NEW GARAGE IN THE REAR. IT'S REALLY CUTE & WILL KEEP HIM BUSY WITH MR FIX-IT JOBS FOR QUITE SOME TIME. SINCE HE IS STARTING FROM SCRATCH, AS FAR AS HOUSEHOLD GOODS ARE CONCERNED, HIS SISTER WAS ABLE TO HELP HIM ACQUIRE HIS OWN SET OF USED ITEMS FROM SECOND HAND STORES BEFORE SHE LEFT. HE DID A GREAT JOB OF FIXING THEM UP & EVERYTHING SEEMS TO GO TOGETHER NICELY. SHE ALSO MADE HIM SOME MATCHING PILLOWS TOO, FOR THE USED COUCHES FROM EXTRA MATERIAL THAT CAME WITH THEM. I'M VERY IMPRESSED WITH ALL OF THEIR SELF TAUGHT SKILLS & AM VERY PROUD OF DAVID, REBECCA, AND JON. I HAVE GREAT KIDS. I'M SURE DAVID WAS MORE THAN READY TO BE ON HIS OWN AGAIN, BUT I MISS THEM A LOT. ESPECIALLY THOSE PUPPY KISSES FROM DAISY. SHE & REBECCA'S DOG XENA, GOT PRETTY SPOILED WHILE THEY WERE HERE WITH ME. GRANDMA'S DON'T JUST SPOIL GRANDKIDS, THEY'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SPOIL GRANDDOGGIES TOO. I THINK MY KIDS WILL HAVE A LITTLE PET RETRAINING TO DO. ANYWAY, I WOULDN'T TRADE THE TIME I HAD WITH BOTH MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS, & SON-IN-LAW (ON WEEKENDS), & GRANDDOGGIES FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD IN SPITE OF THE REASONS THEY WERE HERE.

CHEMO-THAT KEEPS GOING ON & ON & ON...
-I WAS ORIGINALLY TOLD I WOULD HAVE 8 CHEMOTHERAPY INFUSIONS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART. THE FIRST 4 WERE A TWO MEDICINE COMBO THAT IS SUPER STRONG, DESIGNED TO STOP THE CANCER IN IT'S TRACKS, BUT HAS A LOT OF HARSH SIDE EFFECTS SUCH AS HAIR LOSS (BALDNESS), MOUTH SORES, REOPENING OF ALL THE CUTS & SORES YOU'VE EVER HAD OVER THE LAST 1-2 YEARS AS IT DESTROYS THE NEWER CELLS THAT COVERED THOSE SPOTS, ANEMIA, WEAKNESS, SUPPRESSED BONE MARROW FUNCTION, LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS REQUIRING SHOTS & TRANSFUSIONS, AND FREQUENT INFECTIONS TO NAME A FEW. I EVEN HAVE A SLIGHTLY FADING BROWN STRIPE AND LONG INDENTATION ON ONE ARM OVER ONE OF THE VEINS THAT GOT VERY IRRITATED & INJURED BY THE CHEMO.  FOR THE LAST 4 TREATMENTS, THEY CHANGED TO ANOTHER MEDICINE DESIGNED TO SHRINK THE TUMOR DOWN IN SIZE SO IT'S EASY TO REMOVE DURING SURGERY. THIS MED HAS FEWER SIDE EFFECTS, MOSTLY FATIGUE & BODY ACHES & PAINS, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO CAUSE LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS BUT DID ANYWAY BECAUSE MY IMMUNE SYSTEM WAS ALREADY SUPPRESSED BEFORE CHEMO STARTED FROM THE LIVER TRANSPLANT I HAD 12 YEARS AGO. I HAVE HAD A STRONGER REACTION TO CHEMO ALL ALONG THAN MOST REQUIRING THEM TO DECREASE THE DOSES FREQUENTLY & INCREASE THE RECOVERY TIME BETWEEN TREATMENTS. INSTEAD OF 8 TREATMENTS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART WHICH EQUALS APPROXIMATELY 16 WEEKS TO COMPLETE TREATMENT, IT'S BEEN EXTENDED TO 24 TO 28 WEEKS DEPENDING ON WHETHER I NEED ANY MORE EXTRA BREAKS BETWEEN TREATMENTS TO RECOVER FROM SIDE EFFECTS. THIS HAS HAPPENED SEVERAL TIMES ALREADY AND COULD HAPPEN EASILY AGAIN. THEY FORGOT TO TELL ME ALL THIS, SO WHEN I WENT FOR MY 8th & WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MY LAST TREATMENT, I WAS UNPLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FIND OUT I HAD 9 MORE TREATMENTS TO GO. 8 MORE THAN I THOUGHT PLUS THE ONE SCEDULED FOR THAT DAY THAT WAS POSTPONED ANOTHER WEEK BECAUSE MY WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT WAS TOO LOW (1.8).  I WASN'T FINISHED AT ALL.  I WASN'T EVEN HALF WAY DONE. THEY HAD FORGOTTEN TO TELL ME THAT WHEN THEY SIGNIFICANTLY DECREASED THE DOSE OF THE LAST MEDICINE AND REQUIRED ME TO COME WEEKLY FOR TREATMENT AT A MUCH SMALLER DOSE WHICH IS USUALLY TOLERATED MUCH BETTER, IT ALSO SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASES THE NUMBER OF DOSES I WOULD NEED. IT WENT FROM 4 DOSES OF THE LAST MED TO 12 DOSES. IF YOU INCLUDE THESE 12 DOSES OF THE LIGHTER MED PLUS THE 4 DOSES IN THE BEGINNING OF THE HARDER MEDS, I WILL HAVE HAD A TOTAL OF 16 ROUNDS OF CHEMO. I GUESS THAT TUMOR WILL HAVE THE TIME TO LAY DOWN & DIE, OR AT LEAST CRY UNCLE FOR AWHILE & GIVE UP. IT HAS SHRUNK CONSIDERABLY SMALLER TO THE POINT THAT IT'S MUCH HARDER TO FIND AND MY HAIR IS JUST BARELY STARTING TO GROW BACK. I HAVE A LOT OF PEACH FUZZ & A FEW GLARINGLY BALD SPOTS STILL. THE COLOR IS A LOT MORE GREY THAN I REMEMBER, THOUGH. GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED. EVEN IF I WANTED TO GET EVERYTHING OVER QUICKLY & PUT IT BEHIND ME, HE DOES WHAT IS BEST FOR MY OVERALL GOOD. MY EMOTIONS HAVE GONE THROUGH MANY UPS & DOWN, THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY THINGS TO ADJUST TO, BUT I TRUST HIM. GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.  HE HAS SENT THE FAMILY & FRIENDS & SUPPORT I NEED WHEN I NEEDED IT. MY FREIND LISA, WHO ALSO HAS CANCER, MY AUNT, & MY BROTHER HAVE BEEN GREAT AT CHECKING UP ON ME & ENCOURAGING ME ALONG THE WAY EVEN WHEN THEIR OWN FAMILIES ARE GOING THROUGH CRISIS SUCH AS MY SISTER-IN-LAW, LAURA, GETTING REALLY SICK AND HAVING TO UNEXPECTEDLY BE HOSPITALIZED FOR A WEEK. SHE'S HOME & FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW BUT GOT THE PRIVALEGE OF BEING INTRODUCED TO THE JOYS OF BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS, AN EXTENDED TIME OF NOTHING BY MOUTH, AND A MULTITUDE POKING & PRODDING & ENDLESS TESTS. WELCOME TO THE CLUB. I FIND I GET A LITTLE LONELY THESE DAYS, PART OF THE TIME. I WENT FROM A VERY FULL & BUSY HOUSEHOLD FULL OF KIDS & DOGS & NOISE & LIFE TO JUST ARTIE & I.  AND  NOW ARTIE IS GONE MORE DURING THE DAY TO TRY & DRUM UP SOME BUSINESS & INCOME AND ESPECIALLY SINCE ALL THE KIDS HAVE MOVED ON( AS THEY SHOULD), IT GETS A LITTLE LONELY.  QUIET IS BETTER FOR RESTING AND LONELY HELPS US LISTEN TO GOD'S STILL SMALL VOICE MUCH CLEARER AND TROUBLE HAS A WAY OF MAKING US STRONGER. NO MATTER WHAT, GOD IS HERE. HE COMFORTS ME WHEN I'M SAD & GIVES ME REST WHEN I'M EXHAUSTED, AS LONG AS I COOPERATE WITH HIM & LAY MY HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER. HE'S GIVEN ME A GOOD HUSBAND WHO TRIES TO SUPPORT ME IN EVERY WAY HE CAN EVEN IF THAT'S NOT HIS STRONG SUIT. ARTIE IS LEARNING TOO. GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR BOTH OF US AND I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO HIM.

LOVE,
CHERYL

PS. EXCUSE THE EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF RUN ON SENTENCES & LONGWINDED WORDINESS. I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO WRITE THINGS DOWN IN SHORT HAND. I FIND IT REALLY HELPS ME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH & ADJUST BETTER WHEN I WRITE IT DOWN, SO THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE.

MORE GOOD NEWS!

SUNDAY MAY 15th: MADE IT TO CHURCH TODAY & I'M SO GLAD I DID, BUT WAS TOTALLY WIPED OUT BY THE END. IT IS ALWAYS SO COOL TO FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD THERE & BE BLESSED. WE GOT A BITE TO EAT AFTERWARDS WHICH ONLY INVOLVED SITTING & CHEWING ON MY PART. I FIGURED I COULD MANAGE THAT MUCH. I REVIVED SLIGHTLY AFTER EATING, SO I MADE ARTIE GO INTO MICHAEL'S CRAFT STORE WITH ME BECAUSE I STILL DIDN'T HAVE MUCH OOMPH. I LEANED ON A CART & WALKED REALLY REALLY SLOW WHICH IS A TESTAMENT TO MY HUSBANDS PATIENCE. HE STEPPED OUT TO THE SIDEWALK WHILE I WAS PAYING FOR MY 6 PIECES OF SCRAPBOOKING PAPER, BUT I THINK THAT WAS AN ERROR IN JUDEMENT ON HIS PART. I HAD NO JUDGEMENT ACTIVELY WORKING DUE TO MY CHEMO BRAIN, SO PAID WITH CASH INSTEAD OF PAYING WITH THE MICHAEL'S GIFT CARD ARTIE HAD GIVEN ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY THAT I HAD INTENDED TO USE. TOTALLY FORGOT I HAD IT. OOPS! AFTER THAT, HE EVEN FOUGHT HIS WAY INTO COSTCO, WHICH WAS NEARBY, ON A BUSY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, TO GET ME A CHOCOLATE FROZEN YOGURT.  I MAY NOT HAVE NEEDED IT, BUT IT SURE TASTED GOOD ON THE DRIVE HOME TO HANFORD. WHAT A GUY!

MONDAY MAY 16th: I FELT A LITTLE BETTER TODAY. NOT QUITE SO EXHAUSTED. I GOT A CALL FROM DR MARGARET HADCOCK'S OFFICE THIS AFTERNOON THAT WAS VERY ENCOURAGING.  SHE  WILL BE MY SURGEON FOR MASTECTOMY WHEN THE CHEMO IS DONE. I REALLY REALLY LIKE HER & TRUST HER JUDGEMENT. I'VE HEARD A LOT OF GOOD THINGS ABOUT HER FROM OTHER SOURCES. SHE WAS SO KIND & CARING & SUPPORTIVE WHEN I MET HER BERFORE & LET ME BE PART OF THE DECISION MAKING PROCESS FOR MY CARE. I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT. HER COORDINATOR CALLED TO KEEP TRACK OF WHEN MY CHEMO IS THROUGH SINCE I HAVEN'T EXACTLY FOLLOWED A NORMAL TIMETABLE FOR TREATMENT , WHEN I SEE THE PLASTIC SURGEON, ETC, TO KEEP EVERYTHING UP TO DATE & COORDINATED. I ASKED HER IF THEY EVER DO RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY AT THE SAME TIME AS MASTECTOMY AND SHE STATED MOST DEFINITELY SO. I'LL HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER MRI TO CHECK FOR SPREAD, BUT THAT IS A STRONG POSSIBILITY IF I DO NOT NEED RADIATION AFTER. THEY'LL DO WHAT'S BEST FOR ME & I'LL DO WHAT GOD & MY DOCTORS SAY I NEED TO DO. I WAS GREATLY ENCOURAGED, THOUGH BY THE POSSIBILITY THAT ALL THE SURGERY COULD BE GOTTEN OVER WITH AT ONCE WITH ONLY ONE RECOVERY TIME FROM MAJOR SURGERY. PTL!

CHEMO # 4, MOTHERS DAY, MY BIRTHDAY, & SOME VERY EXCITING NEWS!

NOTE: I HAVEN'T BEEN UPDATING MY BLOG FOR THE 3 WEEK PERIOD BETWEEN CHEMO #3 & CHEMO #4. NORMALLY I FEEL BAD FOR A FEW DAYS THEN PERK UP UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT TREATMENT. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN THIS TIME. I GUESS THE EFFECTS OF ALL THE TREATMENTS HAVE BEEN ACCUMULATING OVER TIME. I ALSO WAS DEALING WITH ANOTHER SINUS INFECTION. THE ANTIBIOTICS HELP CLEAR THINGS UP UNTIL THE NEXT CHEMO TREATMENT WHICH KNOCKS OUT MY IMMUNE SYSTEM AGAIN & THE INFECTION FLARES UP.

FRIDAY APRIL 22nd: FELT BAD ALL DAY AFTER CHEMO ON THE 21st. ALSO PULLED MY BACK OUT OF PLACE SOME HOW.

SUNDAY APRIL 24th: HAPPY EASTER! MADE IT TO CHURCH FOR EASTER SUNDAY SERVICE. GOT TO SIT IN THE ROW BEHIND MY FRIEND LISA & HER HUBBY ARTURO. I ALSO GOT TO WEAR A NEW DRESS FOR EASTER SUNDAY WHICH MADE ME FEEL GREAT.

MONDAY APRIL 25th: APPOINTMENT WITH ALLERGY DOCTOR. ARTIE ALSO HAD TO DRIVE UP TO FRESNO TO PICK UP THE NEUPOGEN SHOTS THAT BUILD UP MY IMMUNE SYSTEM SINCE THEY HAD RUN OUT LAST THURSDAY WHEN I HAD CHEMO & DIDN'T GET A NEW SHIPMENT UNTIL TODAY.

TUESDAY APRIL 26th: APPOINTMENT WITH DR ROULUND TO ADJUST MY SORE BACK & PUT IT BACK IN PLACE. YEAH FOR CHIROPRACTORS!

THURSDAY APRIL 26th: BIBLE STUDY IN VISALIA. CAR ACTING UP SO TRADED WITH ARTIE & MINE WENT INTO SHOP. I NORMALLY HAVE TO RUSH HOME AFTERWARDS FOR A QUICK BITE OF LUNCH BEFORE  HEADING  UP TO FRESNO TO SEE THE ONCOLOGIST OR HAVE CHEMO. I GOT A REPRIEVE FOR TODAY ONLY. THE DOCTOR HAD SAID TO SKIP COMING IN FOR THIS DAY ONLY SINCE WE ARE GOING THREE FULL WEEKS UNTIL THE NEXT CHEMO. BECAUSE OF THIS, I DIDN'T HAVE TO RUSH HOME & GOT TO PARTICIPATE IN A BUNCH OF THE LADIES FROM BIBLE STUDY GOING OUT TO LUNCH TOGETHER AFTER BIBLE STUDY WAS OVER. IT WAS SO COOL SEEING SO MANY LADIES FROM VERY DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE & ALL DIFFERENT AGES EATING, VISITING, AND INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER IN GENUINE INTEREST. I GOT TO MEET A WONDERFUL 75 YEAR OLD LADY NAMED VANITA (FORGIVE ME IF I DIDN'T REMEMBER THE NAME RIGHT, I HAVE A POOR MEMORY RIGHT NOW FROM "CHEMO BRAIN", AT LEAST THAT'S MY EXCUSE FOR NOW). I THINK SHE HAD RECENTLY LOST HER HUSBAND OF MANY YEARS AS A TEAR CAME TO HER EYES EACH TIME SHE SPOKE OF HIM. THEY HAD ATTENDED OUR CHURCH FOR MANY YEARS & HELPED LAY THE FOUNDATION FOR THE REVIVAL & STRONG PRESENCE OF THE LORD I CAN FEEL AT VISALIA ASSEMBLY OF GOD CHURCH FROM THE MOMENT WE STARTED GOING THERE IN OCTOBER. SHE HAD A LOT OF WISDOM & SO MANY STORIES TO TELL, FUNNY & OTHERWISE. SHE REMINDED ME A LOT OF MY GRANDMA WHO WENT TO MEET THE LORD SEVERAL YEARS AGO. SHE ALSO SECRETLY PAID FOR EVERYONE'S LUNCH WHICH WAS A TRUE BLESSING FOR ALL OF US.

MONDAY MAY 2nd: ANOTHER APPOINTMENT WITH MY ASTHMA, ALLERGY, SINUS DOCTOR. I WONDER IF I GET FREQUENT FLYER MILES FOR DOCTOR VISITS?

TUESDAY MAY 3rd: DOCTOR VISIT FOR CHIROPRACTIC ADJUSTMENT.

THURSDAY MAY 5th: DIDN'T FEEL WELL ENOUGH TO GO TO LADIES BIBLE STUDY. HAD LABWORK & VISIT WITH ONCOLOGIST IN AFTERNOON.

FRIDAY MAY 6th: MORNING APPOINTMENT WITH DR SCHLUND FOR FOLLOW UP AFTER SINUS SURGER LAST APRIL 1st, 2010. HE WAS CONCERNED THAT I HAD BEEN ON ANTIBIOTICS SO MUCH UNTIL I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE CANCER & CHEMO THAT HAD STARTED SINCE I SAW HIM LAST. I WASN'T SURE I WANTED TO TELL HIM AT FIRST, BUT DECIDED IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR IF I DIDN'T. HE WOULDN'T HAVE THE FULL PICTURE TO KNOW HOW TO TREAT ME. HE NUMBED MY NOSE & LOOKED UP MY NOSE & SINUSES WITH HIS SCOPE & TOOK A CULTURE TO MAKE SURE I'M ON THE RIGHT ANTIBIOTICS. HE WANTS ME TO COME BACK IN 6 MONTHS AFTER MY CANCER TREATMENT IS COMPLETE.

SATURDAY MAY 7th: CALEB GOT TO SHOW OFF HIS NEWLY ACQUIRED SKILL OF MAKING OMELETTES WHICH HE LEARNED FROM HIS UNCLE DAVID. JON WAS UP FOR THE WEEKEND, SO CALEB PROUDLY MADE BREAKFAST FOR HIS DAD WHO WAS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.

SUNDAY MAY 8th: MOTHER'S DAY CAME WITH FLOWERS FOR BECKY & ME, HOMEMADE CARDS, & LOTS OF LOVE. I DIDN'T FEEL WELL ENOUGH TO GO TO CHURCH, THOUGH, BUT MANAGES TO GET UP ENOUGH OOMPH TO GO OVER MY DAD & STEP MOM'S HOUSE LATE IN THE AFTERNOON TO VISIT & GIVE ROSE MARIE A MOTHER'S DAY CARD I HAD MADE. SHE LOVES DOGS SO I PUT A LITTLE DOG WITH A LEASH ON THE FRONT THAT I MADE WITH MY CRICUT MACHINE. I WANTED HER TO KNOW I HAD BEEN THINKING ABOUT HER. WE HAD A REALLY NICE VISIT. THEY WERE DOING WELL OTHER THAN DAD IS HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE WITH THE KNEE HE HAD SURGERY ON ALMOST GIVING OUT ON HIM & CAUSING A LOT OF PAIN. HE'S A HAPPY CAMPER AS LONG AS HE CAN REMAIN MOBILE. I KNOW THE FEELING & AGREE.

TUESDAY MAY 10th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I HAD A WONDERFUL DAY WITH 2 OF THE NURSES I WORK WITH AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL, MARIA & SIA COMING ALL THE WAY FROM FRESNO TO HANFORD TO TAKE ME OUT TO LUNCH. WE WERE ABLE TO GET CAUGHT UP & I AM AMAZED AT THE EFFORT THEY HAVE BOTH PUT IN WORKING EXTRA DAYS AT WORK TO COVER IN MY ABSENCE. I KNOW IT'S BEEN HARD ON THEM & THEY BOTH HAVE MEDICAL ISSUES TOO. MARIA EVEN HAD A COUPLE OF DOCTOR VISITS TO GO TO AFTER LUNCH. THEY BROUGHT A BEAUTIFUL CARD SIGNED BY ALL MY COWORKERS. THEY WERE BOTH A GREAT SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO ME. MARIA'S ALMOST 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CHRISTINE, (QUINCENIERA COMING UP IN JULY) EVEN PICKED OUT SOME STRAWBERRY HAND SANITIZER FOR MY PURSE & PERFUME SHE THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE (WHICH I DO!) AND WEARS PINK SHOELACES ON HER TRACK SHOES IN HONOR OF BREAST CANCER AWARENESS WHICH IS AMAZING BECAUSE PINK IS NOT A COLOR SHE LIKES. SHE'S MORE THAN WILLING TO TELL ANYONE WHY SHE'S WEARING THEM & HER FRIENDS HAVE NOTICED. SHE & HER YOUNGER SISTER MONICA ARE ALSO LOOKING FOR A CANCER AWARENESS MARATHON TO RUN IN. I FEEL SO DEEPLY HONORED.  MARIA & SIA PICKED OUT SOME BEAUTIFUL GIFTS WITH SCRIPTURE VERSES ON THEM. A CERAMIC TEA LIGHT HOLDER & A PEWTER BIBLE VERSE CARD HOLDER WITH TITLES LIKE "HE IS IN CONTROL", "DON'T BE AFRAID", & "TRUST IN HIM". EACH ONE HAS A SCRIPTURE VERSE ON IT & WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT ON THE BACK & WAS WRITTEN SPECIFICALLY FOR PEOPLE FIGHTING CANCER. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. EVEN THE GIFT BAG & BOOK THEY ALSO GAVE ME HAD SCRIPTURES & ENCOURAGEMENT ON THEM. MONICA & HER YOUNGER BROTHER MARK ANTHONY MADE A CUTE HOMEMADE CARD TOGETHER & EACH WROTE AN ENCOURAGING MESSAGE. I THINK THEY MUST KNOW I LOVE HOMEMADE CARDS.  WHAT THEY SAID IN THEM WAS SO TOUCHING. I THINK MARIA & HER HUSBAND MARK, MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT IN RAISING THEIR 3 KIDS. THE GIRLS DROPPED ME OFF AT HOME JUST AS BECKY & DAVID & THE GRANDKIDS WERE HEADING OUT. I GOT OUT OF ONE CAR & JUMPED IN WITH THE KIDS. THEY GOT SOME LUNCH THEN HEADED OVER TO A HOUSE DAVID WAS INTERESTED IN BUYING. I GOT THE PRIVALEGE OF SEEING THE INSIDE & FELT IT WAS PERFECT FOR HIM. IT'S A HISTORIC HOUSE BUILT IN 1902, HAS 3 BEDROOMS, 2 BATHROOMS, & LOTS OF GINGERBREAD & A BIG FRONT PORCH. THE YARD IS COMPLETELY FENCED IN FOR THE DOG, & IT HAS A RELATIVELY NEW 2 CAR GARAGE IN THE BACK. THERE'S EVEN A SMALL CEMENT BASEMENT AT THE BACK FOR CANNING OR WINE CELLAR STORAGE. THE HOUSE NEEDS SOME REPAIRS BUT OVERALL IS IN REALLY GREAT SHAPE. I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR HIM & FOR THE POSSIBILITY IT HOLDS. LATER THAT EVENING, I WAS SURPRISED BY THE WHOLE CREW TAKING ME OUT TO CATTLEMEN'S RESTAURANT IN SELMA FOR A TASTY STEAK DINNER & DESSERT. IT TASTED SO GOOD & WE HAD LEFTOVERS TO BRING HOME FOR LATER. I DON'T THINK THE SCALE WILL BE DROPPING THIS WEEK LIKE IT HAS SINCE I BEGAN TREATMENT. I REALLY ATE A LOT. ARTIE GOT ME A GIFT CARD TO MICHAEL'S CRAFTS & DAVID GOT ME A PAPER DISTRESSING KIT WHICH CALEB AND I HAD FUN TRYING OUT. I USED TO DO SOME SCRAPBOOKING & WILL PROBABLY GET BACK TO DOING IT AGAIN, BUT PREFER MAKING CARDS & TAGS FROM MY PAPER & CRAFT SUPPLIES. BECKY & JON & KIDS GOT ME A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR A FREE MASSAGE AT MY CHIROPRACTORS OFFICE WHICH I DESPERATELY NEED. I'VE ALREADY SCHEDULED THAT AND AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. THE GIRL THAT DOES THE MASSAGES IS SO GOOD & SO SWEET & JUST GOT MARRIED. THE MASSAGES SHE DOES SEEM TO COMPLETE & COMPLEMENT THE ADJUSTMENTS THE CHIROPRACTOR DOES. MY AUNT & UNCLE IN MISSOURI SENT ME A GIFT CARD TO KOHL'S DEPARTMENT STORE WHICH I LOVE & A BOOK FROM THEIR PASTOR WHICH HE WANTED THEM TO GIVE TO ME FOR SUPPORT & ENCOURAGEMENT TOO. IT WAS WRITTEN BY ANOTHER PASTOR WITH CANCER FROM PARTS OF LETTERS HE WROTE TO HIS FRIEND WHO WAS A SHORT WAYS BEHIND HIM IN CANCER TREATMENT TOO. IT REMINDED ME OF MY FRIEND LISA & I. SHE HAS A DIFFERENT TYPE OF CANCER, BUT WE'RE NOT FAR APART IN SYMPTOMS & WHAT WE'RE GOING THROUGH & KIND OF LIFT EACH OTHER UP IN ENCOURAGEMENT & LOVE. I BET SHE WOULD ENJOY READING IT TOO.

WEDNESDAY MAY 11th, 2011: GOT UP EARLIER THAN I WANTED TO GO TO CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL TO GET MY REGULAR LABS DRAWN FOR MY LIVER TRANSPLANT DOCTOR VISIT COMING UP MAY 26. I GET LABS DRAWN FOR THEM APPROXIMATELY EVERY 8 WEEKS TO MAKE SURE MY LIVER ENZYMES AREN'T GOING UP OR BEING NAUGHTY & THAT MY IMMUNE SUPPRESSION MED LEVEL IS WHERE IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE TO PROTECT MY BORROWED LIVER 12 YEARS AFTER TRANSPLANT. I ALSO GET OTHER LABS DRAWN WEEKLY AT THE ONCOLOGIST OFFICE TO MAKE SURE MY BLOOD COUNTS AREN'T DROPPING TOO LOW. I  WENT DOWN THE HALL FROM THE LAB TO VISIT THE UNIT WHERE I WORKED TO SAY HI, BUT ONLY SAW MY BOSS TRESHA & GOT A HUG & OUR VERY CAPABLE OFFICE SPECIALIST (AKA SECRETARY, DOREEN) WHO KEEPS THINGS RUNNING SMOOTHLY FOR ALL. EVERYONE ELSE WAS WITH PATIENTS, OR AT A MEETING, OR OUT SICK LIKE DIANE WITH BRONCHITIS. AS I WAS DRIVING AWAY, I RAN INTO MARIA & SIA WALKING ACROSS THE PARKING LOT AFTER GETTING OUT OF THEIR MEETING, SO I GOT TO AT LEAST SAY HI. I COULDN'T STICK AROUND LONG BECAUSE I HAD AN APPOINTMENT AT THE CHIROPRACTOR FOR MY REGULAR & MUCH NEEDED ADJUSTMENT. THIS WAS THE FIRST DAY I WAS ABLE TO DRIVE AS FAR AS FRESNO ON MY OWN. I STOPPED BY COSTCO AFTER THE CHIROPRACTOR FOR A CHEAP LUNCH, PICKED UP A FEW THINGS WE NEEDED & WENT NEXT DOOR TO A HOME DECORATING FABRIC STORE TO LOOK AT PATTERNS & PRICES OF FABRIC FOR BECKY TO MAKE NEW PILLOWS TO GO WITH THE NEW COUCHES ARTIE WILL BE BUYING ME IN A FEW WEEKS WHEN WE GET ENOUGH MONEY SAVED. I WAS AMAZED AT HOW LOW THE PRICES WERE THERE ($3-$12.99 PER YARD COMPARED TO SIMILAR FABRIC IN STORES OR ON-LINE FOR $45/YARD) I WAS GREATLIY ENCOURAGED BY THE PRICES & SAW SEVERAL I LIKED. I LOVE MY OLD COUCHES & PILLOWS, BUT THEY ARE LITERALLY IN SHREDS FROM WEAR & TEAR & YEARS OF USE. WE LIVED IN POMONA & MY ADULT CHILDREN WERE KIDS WHEN WE BOUGHT THEM AT A DISCOUNT STORE, LONG BEFORE WE MOVED TO HANFORD IN 1995. I GUESS I GOT MY MONEY'S WORTH OUT OF THEM, BUT I AM A LITTLE EMBARRASSED BY ALL THE RIPS & SHREDS.

THURSDAY MAY 12th: CHEMO # 4 TODAY. DIDN'T FEEL GOOD ENOUGH TO DRIVE MYSELF TO BIBLE STUDY THAT IS 1/2 AN HOUR AWAY FROM HOME IN VISALIA, SO I SLEPT A LITTLE LONGER IN PREPARATION FOR TODAY'S CHEMO. I HAVEN'T BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS ONE BECAUSE I'VE FELT SO MUCH WORSE THE LAST 3 WEEKS & IT WOULD KNOCK ME FURTHER DOWN, BUT GOD PREPARED MY HEART TO BE READY. THIS IS THE LAST OF THE DOUBLE-MED HEAVY DUTY HARDER CHEMO & IT'S GOOD TO GET IT OVER WITH. I'LL STILL NEED MY REGULAR 3 WEEKS TO RECOVER, BUT THEN THEY WILL CHANGE TO A SINGLE DIFFERENT MED THAT IS NOT SO HARD ON THE BODY. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO AFFECT MY BLOOD CELL COUNTS AS MUCH AS THE FIRST 4 HEAVY DUTY ONES SO THAT I WON'T HAVE TO TAKE SHOTS. AFTER THE NEXT FOUR & FINAL CHEMOS. THE TUMOR HAS SHRUNK A LITTLE BIT ALREADY & IS LESS DEFINED AROUND THE EDGES & THE NEXT MED IS SUPPOSED TO MELT IT AWAY MORE NOTICEABLY ON A WEEKLY BASIS. MY CHEMO NURSE KATIE, WHO HAPPENS TO KNOW & USED TO WORK WITH MY FRIENDS SIA & MARIA IN ONCOLOGY AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL MANY YEARS AGO, STATED WEEKLY DOSES OF THIS PARTICULAR MED IV IS MUCH EASIER ON THE BODY & ONLY TAKES AN HOUR TO INFUSE INSTEAD OF 2 OR MORE LIKE THE OTHER MEDS I'VE ALREADY RECEIVED. THE MAIN SIDE EFFECT IS SUPPOSED TO BE ACHEY MUSCLES & JOINTS & OTHER BODY PAINS. HOPEFULLY IBUPROFEN WILL HELP WITH THAT. THEY PLAN ON GIVING ME DOSES EVERY WEEK FOR FOUR WEEKS, BUT WE WILL SEE HOW THAT GOES. I DIDN'T BEHAVE TYPICALLY FOR THE FIRST FOUR CHEMOS & HAD TO TAKE 3 WEEKS TO RECOVER AFTER EACH ONE INSTEAD OF THE PLANNED 2. GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED & THE ONCOLOGIST IS AT LEAST WILLING TO ADJUST TO WHAT MY BODY SAYS IT NEEDS TOO. WE SHALL SEE. AFTER THAT, IT'S VISITS WITH THE SURGEON & PLASTIC SURGEON & A DEFINITE SURGERY DATE FOR MASTECTOMY. I'VE HAD A HARD TIME THINKING ABOUT THAT BUT KNOW GOD WILL GO WITH ME THERE TOO & THE END RESULT AFTER RADIATION & RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY WILL LOOK BETTER THAN MY NOW 57 YEARS & GRAVITY HAVE CONSTRUCTED. I STILL GET STARTLED OCCASIONALLY WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR & SEE THAT STRANGE LOOKING BALD LADY WITH THE PUFFY EYES & DARK CIRCLES UNDER THEM. AT LEAST MY HAIR WILL EVENTUALLY GROWS BACK & I HAVEN'T COMPLETELY LOST ALL MY EYEBROWS OR EYELASHES YET. ALTHOUGH THIS CHEMO MAY DO IT. I HAD A BRIEF ARGUING MATCH WITH MY HUSBAND, WHICH I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE, ABOUT HOW UGLY THE LADY IN THE MIRROR LOOKED. HE DISAGREED. THIS CANCER ADVENTURE IS A CONSTANTLY CHANGING ONE & I DON'T ALWAYS REACT HOW I SHOULD, BUT GOD ALWAYS TURNS ME BACK IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. I KNOW HE WILL SEE ME THROUGH ALL THE ADJUSTMENTS & PAIN & GIVE ME A NEW PERSPECTIVE TO HELP OTHERS. CHURCH HELPS, FELLOWSHIP HELPS, AND THEY ARE STARTING A NEW CANCER SUPPORT GROUP AT CHURCH IN THE NEAR FUTURE, WHICH I AM GOING TO ATTEND. LISA TELLS ME THERE ARE ABOUT 30 LADIES THAT ARE SCHEDULED TO ATTEND SO FAR. IT'S A SAFE PLACE WHERE CANCER SURVIVORS & LADIES CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH CANCER TREATMENT CAN GO FOR SUPPORT & ENCOURAGEMENT. I HEAR THEY ARE EVEN THINKING OF HAVING EVERYONE THAT'S WILLING TO TAKE THEIR WIGS & SCARVES OFF DURING ONE OF THE MEETINGS DO IT TO PROVE WE CAN BE OURSELVES AT ANY STAGE OF THE ADVENTURE. THERE'S EVEN A COUPLE OF LADIES WHO ARE 10 YEAR SURVIVORS. I KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE SOMETHING GOOD THAT GOD WILL USE.

FRIDAY MAY 13th: GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! AND IT CAME LATE IN THE AFTERNOON! DAVID GOT A CALL FROM CHARLOTTE, HIS REAL ESTATE BROKER & AGENT THAT THE BANK THAT OWNS THE HOUSE HE IS INTERESTED IN ACCEPTED HIS OFFER OVER THE OTHER ONE THAT WAS ON THE TABLE. ***!!!HE GOT THE HOUSE!!!*** WE WERE ALL SO EXCITED WHEN HE CAME HOME & TOLD US. WE SQUEALED & YELLED & HUGGED & ALL DID A JIG OR HAPPY DANCE IN EXCITEMENT. EVEN THE DOGS GOT EXCITED.  IT WAS JUST A FEW DAYS AGO HE WAS WORKING ON HIS CREDIT REPORT & TRYING TO GET A LOAN PREAPPROVAL. IT WAS JUST 3 DAYS AGO I SAW THE INSIDE OF THE HOUSE. WOW DID GOD SPEED THINGS ALONG. THINGS THAT COULD HAVE TAKEN A MONTH OR SO TO WORK OUT WERE WORKED OUT IN JUST A FEW DAYS. WHAT AN AWESOME GOD WE SERVE! WHAT A PERFECT STARTER HOUSE FOR MY SON. THERE ARE STILL BUILDING INSPECTIONS & ESCROW THAT COULD CHANGE THINGS & TAKE TIME, BUT GOD HAS SPEEDED UP THE PROCESS ALREADY. I DON'T THINK IT WILL TAKE THE FULL TIME FOR HIM TO BECOME THE PROUD OWNER OFFICIALLY. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS FOR HIM TO DO. HE WILL HAVE TO START GOING TO GARAGE SALES FOR FURNITURE. ALL HE HAS LEFT IS ONE SMALL ROUND KITCHEN TABLE FROM HIS FORMER LIFE. WE'LL LET HIM  USE THE BED HE IS SLEEPING IN NOW UNTIL HE FINDS A BETTER ONE HE CAN AFFORD TO BUY. HE NEEDS KITCHEN SUPPLIES, DISHES, TOWELS, FURNITURE, POTS & PANS, A COFFE POT, SILVERWARE, KITCHEN CHAIRS, AND A REFRIGERATOR & STOVE TO MENTION A FEW. ONE STEP AT A TIME. THERE'S A HOOK UP FOR A WASHER & DRYER BUT I EXPECT HE'LL COME HERE & USE OURS FOR A WHILE. I OFFERED MY OLD LIVING ROOM FURNITURE, YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT ARE RIPPED TO SHREDS. HE REFUSED NOT ONLY FOR THAT REASON, BUT BECAUSE THEY ARE RUFFLED & FLORAL & NOT AT ALL MASCULINE. I'M NOT OFFENDED. I HAVE A VERY UNDERSTANDING HUSBAND FOR LETTING ME BUY THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE EONS AGO. HOPEFULLY HE WILL FIND SOMETHING THAT SUITES HIM A LITTLE BETTER. I REMEMBER THE 1st COUCH WE GOT AFTER GETTING MARRIED. IT HAD BELONGED TO A RELATIVE'S GRANDMA & WAS BEAT UP & A WORN AND UGLY BROWN. WE HAD A CARD TABLE & FOLDING CHAIRS FOR DINING ON. IT WORKED THEN FOR US & I'M SURE DAVID WILL FIND WHAT HE NEEDS TOO. IF HIS ESCROW GOES FASTER THAN PLANNED, HIS SISTER CAN HELP HIM PICK THINGS OUT & GET SET UP BEFORE SHE & HER FAMILY LEAVE HERE JUNE 26TH TO LOAD UP THEIR STUFF & SAY GOOD BYE TO THEIR ORANGE COUNTY FRIENDS AND START DRIVING TO TEXAS JULY 3rd. SHE IS QUITE THE ORGANIZER, JUST CHECK OUT THE CUPBOARDS & GARAGE AT MY HOUSE SINCE SHE CAME. I WANT TO HELP DAVID SET UP HIS HOUSE TOO, BUT CAN'T COUNT ON HAVING THE ENERGY AVAILABLE WHEN I NEED IT. I WILL TRY THOUGH. I'M JUST SO EXCITED FOR HIM! AND BOY WILL IT BE QUIET AROUND HERE WHEN EVERYONE MOVES OUT. I WON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK. WE MAY ALL HAVE TO ATTEMPT A TRIP TO TEXAS AGAIN FOR CHRISTMAS. THEY WILL BE LIVING ABOUT 10 HOURS DRIVE AWAY FROM MY AUNT & UNCLE & COUSIN IN SPRINGFIELD. I REALLY MISS SPENDING HOLIDAYS WITH THEM. MAYBE WE CAN DO THAT AGAIN NOW THAT JON & BECKY & THE KIDS WILL BE LIVING A LITTLE CLOSER TO THEM. I CAN'T WAIT!

SATURDAY MAY 14th: YEAH! MY WEBSITE IS FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO THE CURRENT DAY, EVEN IF I AM A BIT LONGWINDED IN WRITING. MY GRANDSON CALEB & MY HUBBY ARTIE MET MY DAD IN VISALIA  THIS MORNING AROUND 9 AM AT HIS MODEL AIRPLANE FLYING CLUB TO WATCH THE GUYS IN THE GROUP FLY THEIR REMOTE CONTROL MINIATURE AIRPLANES. CALEB WAS FASCINATED BY IT ALL. IT WAS A GOOD GREAT-GRANDPA TO GRANDPA TO GRANDSON BONDING TIME, AND I'M SO GLAD THEY WERE ABLE TO GET TOGETHER.  I HAD A WONDERFUL CALL FROM MY FRIEND LISA, WHO IS SO SWEET. SHE SOUNDED SO TIRED WHEN SHE FIRST CALLED, BUT SEEMED TO PERK UP & SOUND STRONGER BY THE TIME WE WERE FINISHED. WE ARE GOING THROUGH SIMILAR THINGS WITH OUR CANCER TREATMENT. WE UNDERSTAND WHAT THE OTHER ONE IS GOING THROUGH & HELP ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER & HOLD EACH OTHER UP. WE TALK ABOUT OUR DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE & WHAT WE'VE LEARNED THROUGH ALL OF THIS, & HOW GOD WILL SEE US BOTH THROUGH IT ALL WHATEVER ROUTE IT TAKES. IT WAS SO GOOD TO TALK TO HER. THEN LATER IN THE DAY EVERYONE, INCLUDING DAVID WHO HAD THE DAY OFF FROM WORK, WENT OVER DAD & ROSE MARIE'S HOUSE TO GO SWIMMING IN THEIR POOL. THE WEATHER KIND OF BACKFIRED & GOT A LITTLE COLDER SO THE WATER WAS FREEZING. BOTH GRANDKIDS WERE BRAVE ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND THE COLD WATER & SWIM AROUND, REBECCA & DAVID WERE ONLY BRAVE ENOUGH TO GET THEIR LEGS WET, AND THE REST OF US HAD NO INTENTION OF EVEN TRYING OUT THE 60 OR SO DEGREE WATER AT ALL. WE OLDER FOLK PREFER TO WAIT UNTIL THE WATER IS AT LEAST 80. THE BOYS TOOK A WHILE TO WARM UP AFTER SWIMMING BUT HAD A GREAT TIME. THE FOLKS & ARTIE & I & BECKY & DAVID VISITED WHILE WATCHING THE BOYS SWIM. WE CAME LATER THAN ALL THE KIDS SINCE I AM MOVING SLOWER THESE DAYS BUT DID HAVE A GOOD VISIT. DAVID WAS ABLE TO HELP MY DAD TOO,  BY REACHING DOWN INTO THE WATER & REATTACHING THE HOSE FOR THE POOL CLEANER THAT HAS TO BE TAKEN OUT EVERY SO OFTEN TO CLEAN OUT THE ROCKS & DEBRIS THAT GET CAUGT IN IT. IT SAVED MY 80 YEAR OLD DAD FROM HAVING TO LAY ON HIS STOMACH ON THE CEMENT TO REACH DOWN & REATTACH IT HIMSELF. EVERYONE GOT REALLY SLEEPY AFTER A WHILE & I WAS PRETTY WIPED OUT BY THE TIME WE LEFT AT 4:30 PM. ALL IN ALL A GOOD DAY.

TODAY IS CHEMO # 3

I HAVEN'T PUT ANYTHING INTO MY BLOG FOR A FEW DAYS. NOT BECAUSE I WAS FEELING WORSE, BUT ACTUALLY BECAUSE I WAS STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE BETTER AT 3 WEEKS OUT FROM THE LAST CHEMO. I WAS ABLE TO BE A LITTLE MORE ACTIVE, BUT STILL HAD TO TAKE FREQUENT REST PERIODS TO RECOVER. I WENT TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY & BIBLE STUDY THIS MORNING, WHICH WAS GREAT! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS! IT MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE!

-I WAS ALSO ABLE TO BUY AN EASTER DRESS THAT I LOVE, FOR LESS THAN HALF PRICE. THAT'S EXCITING TO ME. I HAVEN'T BOUGHT ANY NEW CLOTHES FOR QUITE A WHILE. I'M NOT UP TO MY OLD "SHOP TIL YOU DROP" STANDARDS, BY ANY MEANS, BUT IT MADE ME FEEL MORE NORMAL. I EVEN TOOK MY WIG OFF IN THE DRESSING ROOM & DISCOVERED YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRUSH HAIR THAT'S NOT THERE. CLOTHES ALSO SLIP OVER YOUR BALD HEAD MUCH MORE EASILY THAN WHEN YOU'RE "HAIRY". ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PLOP THE WIG BACK ON WHEN YOU'RE DONE. I COULD GET USED TO THIS EVEN AFTER CHEMO IS DONE & MY HAIR GROWS BACK AGAIN. I WAS ABLE TO PURCHASE A RUFFLEY EASTER DRESS & SHORT SWEATER TO WEAR ON  SUNDAY. NOW I JUST HAVE TO FEEL GOOD ENOUGH TO GO TO CHURCH AGAIN THIS SUNDAY, SINCE IT WILL ONLY BE THE 3rd DAY AFTER CHEMO . THE LORD KNOWS WHAT I NEED & WILL DIRECT ME ACCORDINGLY.

-I'VE BEEN TRYING TO INCORPORATE A TINY BIT OF EXERCISE INTO MY ROUTINE, SO WAS ABLE TO WALK WITH THE FAMILY AROUND THE BLOCK A COUPLE OF TIMES, ABOUT A WEEK APART.
WE PROBABLY LOOKED LIKE QUITE A PARADE WITH FAMILY MEMBERS, BIKES, & A COUPLE OF DOGS THAT ARE TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO WALK COMFORTABLY ON LEASHES. I DID MUCH BETTER THAN I THOUGHT, BUT STILL HAD TO REST & DRINK PLENTY OF WATER AFTERWARDS. IT REALLY FELT GOOD TO BE OUT & ABOUT IN THE FRESH AIR.

TODAY I HAD MY THIRD IV CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT. IT'S BEEN 3 WEEKS SINCE THE LAST & THE NEXT ONE WILL ALSO BE 3 WEEKS FROM TODAY (AROUND MAY 12th). THAT'S HOW LONG IT SEEMS TO TAKE MY BODY TO RECOVER SUFFICIENTLY TO HANDLE MORE. MY WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT WAS NOT BACK TO NORMAL YET, BUT BETTER THAN IT HAD BEEN. WHEN THEY PUSHED THE SECOND MORE TOXIC DRUG INTO MY IV, I REACTED RIGHT AWAY, EVEN AT A 20% LOWER DOSE OF CHEMO. I STARTED TO FEEL DIZZY, THEN NAUSEATED, THEN MY IV HAND GOT TINGLEY & KIND OF NUMB. I GUESS IT WENT STRAIGHT TO MY  HEAD/BRAIN VERY RAPIDLY & THEN EVERYWHERE ELSE, WHICH HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. THE NURSE HAD TO SLOW THE INFUSION FOR A LITTLE WHILE FOR MY BODY TO ADJUST. MY RIGHT EYE EVEN STARTED TWITCHING FOR A SHORT WHILE BEFORE WE LEFT. I GUESS IT'S PRETTY POTENT STUFF. EVERYTHING RESOLVED BEFORE I LEFT. I SUCKED ON ICE CHIPS AGAIN THIS TIME, WHICH REALLY HELPED PREVENT MOST OF THE MOUTH SORES LAST TIME. ARTIE WAS REALLY SWEET & WENT & GOT ME A JAMBA JUICE SMOOTHIE WHICH TASTED A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN THE HANFORD WATER ICE CHIPS I BROUGHT WITH ME. HE ALSO GOT SOME VITAMINS FROM THE HEALTH FOOD STORE, WHILE MY CHEMO WAS RUNNING, THAT I WAS LOW ON. THEY HELP MY BODY REPLACE WHAT THE CHEMO TAKES AWAY. I FEEL REALLY BLESSED & CARED FOR & AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS & CONCERN.

REPRIEVE

HI ALL! LOVE & BLESSINGS! I GOT A WEEK'S REPRIEVE FROM CHEMO AGAIN. THE TRANSFUSION ALLOWED MY RED BLOOD CELL COUNT, HEMAGLOBIN, & HEMATOCRIT LEVELS, WHICH ARE INTER-RELATED, TO JUMP BACK UP INTO THE NORMAL RANGE. MY WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT IS ONLY SLIGHTLY LOW & NOT FAR FROM NORMAL. MY PLATELETTES ARE STILL VERY LOW & AFFECTING MY ENERGY A LOT, WHICH IS WHY CHEMO WAS POSTPONED UNTIL NEXT THURSDAY APRIL 21st . THIS GIVES ME ANOTHER WEEK TO RECOVER, WHICH I FEEL I NEED. THIS MAKES ALL MY TREATMENTS 3 WEEKS APART, WHICH I GUESS MY BODY IS SAYING IT NEEDS TO REVIVE. I'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME LAYING DOWN & RESTING. I ALSO NEED TO MAKE A CONCERTED EFFORT TO DRINK MORE WATER & INCREASE MY PROTEIN INTAKE. ACCORDING TO THE ONCOLOGIST OFFICE, I'VE LOST TEN POUNDS IN THE LAST WEEK. I DO WEIGH MYSELF DAILY AT HOME & ONLY LOST 5 POUNDS BY MY CALCULATIONS, BUT I STILL NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON EATING A LITTLE MORE. I THINK THEIR ESTIMATE OF WEIGHT LOSS WAS AFFECTED BY THE FACT THAT IT WAS A WARMER DAY & I WAS WEARING LIGHTER CLOTHING, I WORE A SCARF INSTEAD OF A WIG WHICH WEIGHS LESS, I HAD AN EMPTY STOMACH & NORMALLY EAT BEFORE I GO, AND I TOOK MY SHOES OFF BEFORE WEIGHING. AS I'VE MENTIONED BEFORE, MOST OF US CAN STAND TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS HERE & THERE, BUT I DON'T RECOMMEND GETTING CANCER TO DO IT, & LOSING THAT MUCH IN A WEEK IS PROBABLY NOT RECOMMENDED. ANYWAY, I HAD BEEN WORKING ON EATING EXTRA PROTEIN & DRINKING EXTRA WATER PRIOR TO THIS, BUT HAD FORGOTTEN TO DO SO IN THE LAST WEEK. I THINK THE FACT THAT MY NEW HANDHELD NEBULIZER BREATHING TREATMENT WASN'T WORKING RIGHT, DIDN'T HELP THINGS EITHER. THE COMPANY SENT OUT A NEW ONE QUICKLY, WHICH WORKS MUCH BETTER. (35 MINUTE TREATMENT 3 TIMES A DAY AS OPPOSED TO THE OLD ONE THAT WAS TAKING 1 & 1/2 HOURS OR MORE EACH TIME.) IT GREATLY FRUSTRATED ME & TOOK A GREAT DEAL OF MY TIME & ATTENTION. SHORTER TREATMENTS ARE WORKING MUCH BETTER & WILL HOPEFULLY GET MEDICINE DIRECTLY TO MY SINUSES WITH BETTER RESULTS & FEWER OVERALL SIDE EFFECTS. I AM GREATFUL TO GOD I DIDN'T GIVE UP. I WAS SERIOUSLY TEMPTED TO DO SO. MY DOCTOR EVEN CALLED TODAY TO SEE HOW I'M DOING WITH IT. THE NEW MACHINE & MEDICINES SHOULD REALLY HELP BY THE TIME I SEE HIM FOR A "SINUS" CHECKUP ON MONDAY. I'VE ALSO NOTICED I WAS GETTING KIND OF CRANKY THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS. I WAS BOTHERED BY ANYTHING & EVERYTHING. I FINALLY REALIZED THAT I'M USED TO MAKING MY OWN DECISIONS, GOING PLACES , & DOING THINGS WHEN I WANT TO OR NEED TO.  A LOT OF THAT HAS CHANGED SINCE I WAS DIAGNOSED & HAVE BEGUN TREATMENT. I RELY ON MY FAMILY TO DO MY NORMAL THINGS LIKE GROCERY SHOPPING & COOKING & GETTING ME TO MY APPOINTMENTS. I DON'T OFTEN GET TO DRIVE MYSELF ANYWHERE, UNLESS IT'S VERY LOCAL & I'M HAVING A GOOD DAY. THINGS HAVE CHANGED FOR NOW WITH MORE CHANGES ON THE HORIZON. I TRUST THE LORD WHO IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT & WILL GET ME TO MY DESTINATION ONE DAY AT A TIME. HE GIVES US HELP & THE GRACE WE NEED FOR EACH DAY, AS WE NEED IT. EVENTUALLY I WILL REGROW MY HAIR, MY SCARS WILL HEAL, AND I WILL BE ABLE TO BE MORE INDEPENDENT AGAIN. A LITTLE MORE LIKE THE OLD ME  BUT WITH ADDED INSIGHT, COMPASSION & FOCUS ON GOD & FAMILY INSTEAD OF THE PROBLEMS! THAT'S A GOOD CHANGE.

Some of My Many Looks

I HAVE MY THIRD CHEMO TODAY, SO PLEASE REMEBER ME IN PRAYER.  I PROBABLY WON'T BE UP TO WRITING ANYTHING FOR A FEW DAYS.  THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND PRAYERS. IN THE MEANTIME, ENJOY THESE PICTURES OF MY NEW VERSATILE LOOKS.



DON'T LOOK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THE BALD TRUTH

HI AGAIN & BLESSINGS ON YOU ALL. I FINALLY LET MY DAUGHTER TAKE A "BALD" PHOTO OF ME.

SATURDAY WAS OUR 35th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

MY HUSBAND SURPRISED ME WITH A RESERVATION AT A REALLY NICE RESTAURANT WE HAVE WANTED TO TRY FOR YEARS: RUTH'S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE IN FRESNO. I WAS REALLY SURPRISED AS MONEY HAS BEEN REALLY TIGHT LATELY WITH ARTIE BEING SELF-EMPLOYED NOW & ME ON A LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK. WHERE'S THAT PTO WHEN YOU NEED IT? (ALL USED UP I'M AFRAID) ANYWAY, THE KIDS HAVE BEEN HELPING THEIR PARENTS OUT IN A KIND OF REVERSAL OF ROLES. I REMEMBER HOW STRANGE IT FELT WHEN THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME WHEN MY MOM GOT SICK & THE KIDS & I UPROOTED FOR A WHILE TO TAKE CARE OF HER. THAT WAS A REALLY LONG TIME AGO.

WE GOT DRESSED UP TO GO OUT & I LET REBECCA TAKE THE BALD PICTURE BEFORE WE LEFT HOME FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY DATE WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT SHE WOULD ALSO TAKE A "NORMAL" LOOKING PICTURE FOR CONTRAST, WHEN I PUT MY WIG ON. IT KIND OF HELPED TO HAVE NICE MAKEUP ON & NICE CLOTHES  FOR A CHANGE. WHEN WE GOT TO THE RESTAURANT ALL THE GOOD THINGS I HAD HEARD PALED IN COMPARISON. IT WAS SO NICE & THE FOOD WAS SO GOOD.  I HAD SHRIMP & STEAK, BUT THE STEAK WAS SO GOOD, I DIDN'T WANT TO WASTE STOMACH ROOM ON MORE THAN 1 SHRIMP. THERE WAS SOME OF BOTH LEFT OVER TO TAKE HOME. ARTIE SAID IT WAS THE BEST STEAK HE HAS EVER EATEN. IT WAS BROUGHT TO THE TABLE ON A SIZZLING PLATE. THEY SEAR THE OUTSIDE QUICKLY AT 1800 DEGREES TO KEEP IN THE JUICES & FLAVOR. THEY BRING IT OUT KIND OF RARE, BUT YOU CAN SLICE IT UP & SEAR IT ON THE HOT PLATES UNTIL IT'S COOKED TO YOUR LIKING. THEY SEASON WITH SALT & PEPPER ONLY & SERVE IT SURROUNDED BY MELTED BUTTER. YOU MIGHT CONSIDER THAT A HEART ATTACK ON A PLATE, BUT IT WAS SO GOOD! HOPEFULLY A ONCE A YEAR  INDULGENCE WILL BE OK. THERE WERE ROSE PETALS ON THE TABLE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY TOO! THEY SMELLED SO GOOD & LOOKED SO PRETTY. OUR WAITRESS WAS ALSO A PRE-SCHOOL TEACHER BY DAY& A SUPER SERVER BY NIGHT.  SHE PROMISED TO ROLL US OUT OF THE RESTAURANT IF NEED BE AFTER DESSERT CAME.  EACH PLATE HAD "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY" WRITTEN IN HARDENED CHOCOLATE AROUND THE EDGES. THEY EVEN UPGRADED ONE OF OUR DESSERTS FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY FOR FREE. I WAS SO IMPRESSED. WE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. I THINK WE HAVE A NEW FAVORITE FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. WHEN WE GOT HOME, THE KIDS WERE IN BED & REBECCA HAD ME LAUGHING SO HARD I WAS CRYING DESCRIBING THIER SMALL TOWN DINNER ADVENTURES & HER VERSION OF 4 & 9 YR OLD  VERY LITERAL OBSERVATIONS OF EATING IN A DESERTED LOCAL RESTAURANT WHERE THE WAITRESS WAS ASKING THE CUSOMER TO EXPLAIN WHAT THEY WANTED TO ORDER THAT WAS DIRECTLY OFF THE MENU SO SHE COULD EXPLAIN IT TO THE COOK. CALEB WANTED TO KNOW WHY THE WAITRESS WAS ASKING THEM WHAT A FLAUTA WAS. DOESN'T EVERYONE KNOW WHAT A FLAUTA IS, HE QUERIED? NEVER A DULL MOMENT & ONLY IN A SMALL TOWN. ANYWAY, THEY HAD A GREAT TIME TOO.

TODAY WE PLANNED TO GO TO CHURCH & MEET MY DAD & STEP MOM FOR LUNCH. UNFORTUNATELY, THE LAST THREE BUSY DAYS TOOK THEIR TOLL ON MY ENERGY.  MY GET UP & GO GOT UP & WENT BEFORE I EVEN GOT UP IN THE MORNING. I WAS SO TIRED AFTER LABS & ONCOLOGY ON THURSDAY, MORE LABS ANEMIA & TRANSFUSIONS ON FRIDAY, AND SATURDAY'S  SITTING IN THE  GARAGE WHILE BECKY HELD UP THINGS FOR ME TO DETERMINE GARAGE SALE OR KEEP FOR A FUTURE DATE. I THOUGHT I WAS RESTING BECAUSE I WAS JUST SITTING THERE. I ALSO HAD TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE A NEW HANDHELD NEBULIZER SYSTEM THAT TOOK 1 TO 1+1/2 HOURS TO USE.  I WAS SUPPOSED TO USE IT 3 TIMES A DAY & ONLY ENDED UP USING IT TWICE BECAUSE OF BEING FRUSTRATED AT HOW LONG IT TOOK, AND NOT BEING SURE WHETHER I WAS EVEN DOING IT RIGHT. I TRIED CALLING THEIR TOLL FREE NUMBER BUT APPARENTLY THEY AREN'T THERE ON THE WEEKENDS. GUESS WE'LL BE MAKING A PHONE CALL ON A WEEKDAY TO FIGURE IT OUT.THEN  WE WENT ON OUR DATE THAT NIGHT, WHICH I DON'T REGRET IN THE LEAST. TO SAY I WAS POOPED IS PUTTING IT MILDLY, BUT I THINK I NEED TO RELEARN THE PART ABOUT RESTING AGAIN. I GUESS I FORGOT & IT ALL CAUGHT UP WITH ME. REBECCA TOOK THE KIDS & WAS ABLE TO MEET MY FOLKS WITH MY APOLOGIES THEN WENT TO COSTCO TO GET SOME MUCH NEEDED ITEMS FOR ME & THE HOUSEHOLD. WE ALL ARE LEARNING ABOUT CHANGING PLANS & RESTING MORE.

PLEASE PRAY FOR:
1.)STRENGTH & WISDOM IN USING MY ENERGY WISELY
2.)CONTINUE TO REMEMBER MY NEW AQUAINTANCE STEVE &
     HIS DEVOTED FAMILY. MET THEM FRI @ TRANSFUSION.
3.)MY SORE MOUTH. I'VE DEVELOPED 2 MOUTH SORES IN THE
     LAST 2 DAYS WHICH IS KIND OF LATE IN THE GAME. 1 ON MY
     RIGHT CHEEK & 1 ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BACK OF MY
     TONGUE. MY THROAT IS REALLY DRY& SCRATCHY. IT'S BEEN
     10 DAYS SINCE MY LAST CHEMO. I HAD A MOUTH FULL AFTER
     THE 1st CHEMO & BY SUCKING ON ICE DURING #2 AVOIDED
     MOST, SO TWO IS BETTER. COULD BE JUST A FEVER BLISTER
     OR BECAUSE MY RBC & WBC COUNTS HAVE BEEN SO LOW. NOT
     SURE. BUT THEY DO HURT A LOT.
4.)SEVERAL CLOSE FAMILY MEMBERS ARE HURTING BECAUSE OF
     UNEXPECTED DIVORCES FOR 2 DIFFERENT FAMILY MEMBERS.
     PLEASE PRAY FOR THE LORD TO HEAL ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.
     DIVORCE AFFECTS MORE THAN JUST 2 PEOPLE.

     (FORGIVE THE RANTING/ SKIP THIS PART IT YOU LIKE. MY SON
     SAYS I DO IT TOO MUCH & HE'S PROBABLY RIGHT.) IT AFFECTS
     CHILDREN WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THINGS HAVE
     CHANGED OR PERHAPS HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT TOO MANY
     TIMES & COULD BECOME CALLOUS OR CONVINCED THAT THIS,
     IS THE NORM & WILL BE PART OF THEIR PATTERN TOO. PLEASE
     PRAY THAT THE CYCLE WILL END. DIVORCE ALSO AFFECTS
     PARENTS & ESPECIALLY MOMS WHO LOVE THEIR ADULT
     CHILDREN & WISH THEY COULD STILL KISS THE OWIE & MAKE
     IT BETTER, LIKE WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE, BUT YOU CAN'T.
     THERE ARE ALSO CHANGES & STRAINS IN FORMER RELATION-
     SHIPS. PLACES YOU USED TO GO FOR FAMILY GATHERINGS
     & GET TOGETHERS THAT YOU ARE SUDDENLY NO LONGER
     WELCOME TO, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON
     YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN & HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG.
     YOU MIGHT EVEN GET BLAMED FOR SOME OF THE PROBLEMS   
     THAT YOU DIDN'T CAUSE. IT MAKES FOR SOME STRANGE   
     SITUATIONS & STRANGE FEELINGS THAT HAVE TO BE DEALT
     WITH, SOMETIMES MORE THAN ONCE. OTHERWISE YOU CAN
     END UP SEVERELY DEPRESSED LIKE I WAS LAST YEAR. SOME
     TIMES YOU HAVE TO DRAW LINES IN THE SAND/BOUNDARIES
     FOR YOUR OWN SAKE & THAT OF YOUR KIDS & GRANDKIDS .
     SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO RISK BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.
     ALWAYS YOU HAVE TO LAY IT AT THE LORD'S FEET & LEAVE
     IT THERE SO YOU CAN MOVE ON.SOMETIMES IT'S IN YOUR FACE
     & YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO FIGHT THAT SINKING FEELING, TO
     SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THE THINGS & THE PEOPLE THAT
     ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO YOUR HEART, EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU
     HAVE TO RUN TO A QUIET CORNER OR WALK OUT OF YOUR
     OWN HOME FOR A SHORT BREAK, TO NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE
     INSANITY. YOU HAVE TO CHASE AFTER TIME WITH THE LORD
     AND YOUR OWN MOMENTS OF ALONE TIME & PEACE & QUIET.
     YOU HAVE TO MEDITATE ON WHAT IS TRUE & RIGHT & GOOD.
      IT'S NOT AN EASY THING FOR ANYONE BUT IT HAS GREAT
     REWARDS. YOU HAVE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH
     POSITIVE PEOPLE, EVEN IF IT MEANS LEARNING HOW TO MAKE
     NEW FRIENDS AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO WORSHIP REGULARLY IN
     A PLACE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CONNECT WITH GOD &OTHERS
     YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO MEDICAL ISSUES
     GOING ON & TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & ANYTHING MEDICAL
     OR EMOTIONAL THAT'S FOUND. I KNOW I WAS SURPRISED BY
     THAT ONE, HENCE MY CANCER ADVENTURES. I ALSO WENT
     FOR COUNCELING FOR A TIME, ESPECIALLY WHEN I STARTED
     MAKING MISTAKES AT WORK. IT REALLY SCARED ME & MADE
     ME ACTIVELY SEEK OUT HELP. YOU ALSO HAVE FIND OUT
     WHAT HEALTHY THINGS MAKE YOU HAPPY & PURSUE THEM
     AS BEST AS YOU CAN. YOU NEED TO GET ENOUGH REST, BUT
     YOU ALSO NEED TO MOVE YOUR BODY. EVEN IF ALL YOU CAN
     DO IS FINGER CALLESTHENICS. YOU KNOW, INDEX FINGERS
     POINT UP THEN SIDEWAYS, POINT UP THEN SIDEWAYS. 1-2-1-2
     AT LEAST YOU'RE MOVING SOMETHING. YOU ALSO HAVE TO
     FIND WAYS TO HELP OTHERS EVEN IF YOU CAN'T PHYSICALLY
     OR EVEN MENTALLY DO MUCH (LIKE WHEN THE BRAIN FOGG
     SETS IN FOR ME OR BLOOD SUGARS ARE RUNNING LOW.) GOD
     HAS SHOWN ME AT EVEN MY LOWEST EBB, THERE IS ALWAYS
     SOMETHING I CAN DO HOWEVER SMALL THAT HONORS HIM.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO MY RANTING & RAVING. MY DAUGHTER SAYS ITS GOOD FOR ME TO EXPRESS MYSELF. IT
CLARIFIES MY THOUGHTS & MAKES ME FEEL BETTER EVEN IF I HAVE A SLIGHTLY CRAZED LOOK IN MY EYE OR STAND ON A SOAPBOX FOR A SHORT WHILE. I HAVE BEEN A QUIET PERSON & HAD NOT BEEN ABLE TO EXPRESS MYSELF VERBALLY FOR MOST OF MY LIFE. THAT WASN'T ALLOWED WHEN I WAS LITTLE & IT'S KIND OF HARD TO CHANGE THE PATTERN AS AN ADULT. I WAS AN OBSERVER& DREAMER, NOT A DOER. FORTUNATELY I MARRIED A DOER. I DIDN'T NORMALLY LIKE CHANGES OF ANY KIND IN MY LIFE OR AROUND ME. MY SECURITY WAS IN WHAT WAS NORMAL. MY FOCUS WAS ON ANY PROBLEMS. IF ANYTHING VARIED, I DIDN'T USUALLY LIKE THAT. I WAS A PERFECTIONSIST IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD. MY FRIEND MARIA, WAS ALSWAYS ABLE TO BRING ME BACK TO EARTH WITH HER CALM WORDS & REMINDERS OF WHAT WE HAD THAT WAS GOOD, WHEN I WOULD PANIC WITH ALL THE SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE CHANGES AT WORK. AND SHE WAS ALWAYS RIGHT. THE LORD IS TEACHING ME ABOUT CHANGE & GROWTH & THE GOOD THAT CAN BE FOUND IN ALMOST EVERY SITUATION. HE'S WORKING ON MY HEART & BUILDING ME UP. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING THE SAME WAY I WAS BEFORE MY ADVENTURES BEGAN. HE'S CHANGING ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT & MAYBE EVEN TEACHING ME TO ENJOY SOME OF THE CHOICES & CHANGES I CAN MAKE.  HE'S ALWAYS SO GOOD. HOW CAN I COMPLAIN?