THURSDAY AUGUST 11, 2011: CHEMO #12
SATURDAY AUGUST 13, 2011: RIBBONS GROUP.
I WAS ABLE TO ATTEND THE SECOND MEETING OF OUR "RIBBONS GROUP", AS THEY CALL IT, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP AT CHURCH. IT HAS BEEN VERY INFORMATIVE WITH ALL KINDS OF BROCHURES, PAMPHLETS, NOTEBOOKS, & CD'S AVAILABLE TO US FOR FREE, BUT I THINK TALKING TO OTHER LADIES WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS BEFORE ME IS THE MOST HELPFUL. I WAS A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE AT THE 1st MEETING BECAUSE THEY HAD AN ICE BREAKER GAME WHERE THEY PUT ONE SHOE FROM EVERYONE IN A PILE, HAD US EACH PICK A RANDOM SHOE OUT OF THE PILE, THEN WE HAD TO FIND THE PERSON WHOSE SHOE WE PICKED OUT TO VISIT WITH PLUS DO THE SAME WITH THE PERSON WHO HAD OUR OTHER SHOE. AFTER THAT WE ALSO HAD TO EACH STAND UP IN FRONT OF THE GROUP & TELL A LITTLE BIT ABOUT OURSELVES & OUR STAGE OF TREATMENT. BOTH OF THESE WERE WELL OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE. BEING PUT ON THE SPOT IS HARD FOR ME, BUT I DID IT ANYWAY. AT TODAY'S MEETING OUR ICE BREAKER GAME WAS MUCH EASIER. THEY DIVIDED US UP INTO TEAMS ACCORDING TO THE TABLE WE WERE SITTING AT. IT WAS MORE LIKE A BABY OR WEDDING SHOWER GAME WHERE EVERYBODY AT YOUR TABLE HAD TO COME UP WITH THE MOST ITEMS IN OUR PURSES AS A TEAM OFF OF A PRE- PRINTED LIST TO WIN, SUCH AS SAFETY PINS, CALENDARS, BOBBY PINS, GUM, CANDY, ETC. WE ALSO HAD MORE TIME AFTERWARDS TO VISIT AMONGST OURSELVES, WHICH I LIKED. OUR TABLE CAME IN SECOND, AND AS ALWAYS, THERE WERE PLENTY OF SNACKS & DOOR PRIZES TO GO AROUND. SOMEONE WAS INTERESTED IN THE WIG I WAS WEARING, BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T THINK IT LOOKED LIKE A WIG, SO I GOT BRAVE ENOUGH TO TAKE IT OFF FOR A MINUTE TO SHOW THEM THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE HAND TIED FRONT PART THAT GIVES YOU A VERY NATURAL REALISTIC LOOKING SECTION YOU CAN PART ANYWHERE COMPARED TO THE BACK OF THE WIG THAT IS MADE LIKE MOST OTHER WIGS. I'VE ALSO NOTICED THAT A LOT OF WIGS APPEAR VERY SHINY & THIS ONE IS NOT AS SHINY AS MOST. MY FRIEND LISA WAS SURPRISED THAT SOME OF MY HAIR IS FINALLY GROWING BACK IN. HERS STARTED GROWING BACK MUCH SOONER THAN MINE & CAME IN MUCH DARKER THAN IT USED TO BE. MINE IS COMING IN MUCH GREYER THAN IT USED TO BE WHICH IS NOT FAIR! HA HA. SHE JUST FOUND OUT SHE NEEDS TO BE HOSPITALIZED FOR ANOTHER 5 DAYS AGAIN IN SEPTEMBER TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER HEAVY DUTY ROUND OF CHEMO. PLEASE PRAY SHE DOESN'T LOSE HER SHORT BUT PRETTY NEW HAIR GROWTH ALL OVER AGAIN. THAT WOULD BE HARD FOR HER TO TAKE.
SUNDAY AUGUST 14th- TUESDAY AUGUST 16th: VISITORS!
MY AUNT & UNCLE & COUSIN JAMES CAME BY FOR A QUICK VISIT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS . THEY ARE THE ONES THAT GOT US TO MOVE FROM L.A. IN 1995 TO HANFORD, WHERE THEY USED TO LIVE. WE LIVED WITH THEM FOR ABOUT THE FIRST 3 1/2 YEARS WE WERE IN HANFORD UNTIL WE COULD AFFORD TO GET OUR OWN PLACE. MY AUNT IS MY MOM'S YOUNGER SISTER, AND WE HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE SINCE MY MOM DIED IN 1992. WE TALK ON THE PHONE OFTEN & USED TO PLAY FREQUENT CHAMPIONSHIP SKIP-BO CARD GAMES WHEN THEY STILL LIVED IN HANFORD. MY UNCLE USED TO CALL US THE SKIP-BO ADDICTS. THEY MOVED TO SPRINGFIELD MISSOURI ABOUT 5 YEARS AGO, FOLLOWING THEIR DAUGHTER & HER FAMILY & HAVE BEEN THROUGH SIMILAR UNEXPECTED THINGS WITH THEIR DAUGHTER'S SPOUSE TURNING HIS BACK ON GOD & SUDDENLY LEAVING & DIVORCING HIS FAMILY, AND THE SAME WITH OUR SON'S WIFE LEAVING & DIVORCING HIM TOO. NEITHER OF OUR KIDS EXPECTED OR WANTED THIS. IT'S BEEN HARD ON EVERYBODY & I STILL LOVE & MISS MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW & HER KIDS A LOT, BUT WE HAVE ALL HAD TO ADJUST & MOVE ON. BESIDES, I KNOW GOD WON'T LET GO OF THEIR FORMER SPOUSES EVEN IF HE REQUIRES US TO LET GO OF THEM NOW. HE'S NOT FINISHED WITH ANY OF US YET. BOTH OF OUR KIDS HAVE HAD TO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS IN THE INTERIM & WE WILL ALL SEE WHAT THE LORD WILL MAKE OF THEIR LIVES WITH HIM. DAVID BUYING HIS FIRST HOUSE IS A GOOD START IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION. MY AUNT DAR & UNCLE DARREL FLEW BACK TO CALIFORNIA TO VISIT DARREL'S SISTER RUTH, IN OREGON. WHO THEY HAVEN'T SEEN IN SOME TIME & WHOSE BELOVED HUSBAND RALPH DIED A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO. I KNOW IT ISN'T EASY FOR HER & IT WAS GOOD FOR DARREL TO GET TO SEE HIS BABY SISTER AGAIN. MY COUSIN JAMES LIVES AND WORKS IN THE SAN FRANCISCO AREA. HE TOOK A FEW DAYS OFF OF WORK TO DRIVE MY AUNT & UNCLE TO OREGON & BACK & THEN DOWN TO OUR HOUSE. MY UNCLE IS ABOUT 86 & MY AUNT IS 15 YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM. THEY GOT MARRIED & HAD KIDS LATE IN LIFE (30's &50's) SO THEIR KIDS ARE CLOSE IN AGE TO MINE. OUR GIRLS ARE FRIENDS, SHARED A TINY BEDROOM IN HIGH SCHOOL, & ARE JUST 3 MONTHS APART IN AGE. IN FACT, THEIR DAUGHTER, KARA, GOT TO VISIT WITH OUR DAUGHTER, REBECCA, AT THEIR NEW LOCATION IN TEXAS WHILE DAR & DARREL WERE HERE & KARA'S LITTLE 2 YEAR OLD JUDE IS AWAY FROM HER FOR THE FIRST TIME TO VISIT WITH HIS OTHER GRANDPARENTS FOR 10 DAYS WITH HIS DADDY. SO EVERYBODY IN THE FAMILY IS VISITING WITH EVERYBODY ELSE, SO TO SPEAK, AT THE SAME TIME. UNCLE DARREL DOESN'T REALLY DRIVE MUCH ANYMORE SO JAMES DRIVING THEM AROUND WAS VERY HELPFUL. JAMES USED TO COME HOME TO VISIT HIS FOLKS IN HANFORD FOR MOST HOLIDAYS & ON OTHER OCCASIONS TOO. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE THEY MOVED AWAY & HAVE COME TO REALIZE I MISSED HIM A LOT. IT WAS SO GREAT HUGGING HIM AGAIN EVEN IF I HAVE TO STAND ON MY TIPPY TOES TO DO SO (HE'S VERY TALL) AND JUST HAVING THE TIME TO VISIT A LITTLE. HE SHOWED ME SOME REALLY COOL OLD PICTURES OF HIS DAD & HIS DAD'S COUSIN DRESSED IN SAILOR SUITS WHEN THEY WERE KIDS WHICH IS JUST TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. HE ALSO HAD A FAMILY HISTORY NOTEBOOK FROM HIS DAD'S SIDE DOCUMENTING THE EARLY YEARS IN ARKANSAS. VERY INTERESTING. I WISH I HAD THOUGHT TO MAKE A COPY OF THE SAILOR SUIT PICTURE. AGAIN, TOO CUTE! MY AUNT & I HAD TO RETURN TO OUR OLD HABIT OF PLAYING SKIP-BO. I POOPED OUT SOONER THAN SHE DID, AND SADLY, IT HAD BEEN SO LONG SINCE EITHER ONE OF US PLAYED, WE HAD A HARD TIME REMEMBERING HOW. WE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT, AND I AM STILL PROUD TO SAY I AM THE SKIP-BO CHAMPIONSHIP QUEEN OF THE WORLD! I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GO VISIT THEM AGAIN FOR A REMATCH. I'M NOT SURE I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP MY TITLE, THOUGH. ANYWAY, WE WERE GOING TO BAR-B-QUE FOR DINNER MONDAY NIGHT, WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER ON JAMES & I NOT HAVE TO GO OUT ANYWHERE, BUT THEY TOOK US OUT TO CATTLEMAN'S STEAKHOUSE INSTEAD , WHICH WAS EASIER ON ARTIE & MY AUNT, WHO WOULD HAVE HAD TO PREPARE THE MEAL IF WE STAYED AT HOME. THEY EVEN PAID THE BILL FOR OUR MEAL. MY DAD & HIS WIFE ROSE MARIE JOINED US, BUT I WAS PRETTY POOPED BY THAT POINT IN THE DAY & DIDN'T FEEL UP TO TALKING OR VISITING MUCH. I FELT BAD ABOUT THAT, & HOPE WE CAN HAVE A GOOD VISIT WITH THEM AT A LATER DATE WHEN I FEEL BETTER. THEY ONLY LIVE ABOUT 1/2 AN HOUR'S DRIVE AWAY, SO THAT'S A LITTLE MORE POSSIBLE. DAR & DARREL LEFT TUESDAY MORNING WITH JAMES DRIVING THEM AS FAR AS SAN FRANCISCO. HE HAD SOME WORK TO CATCH UP ON AND THEY HAD TO FLY BACK TO MISSOURI WAY EARLY THE NEXT MORNING. I TOOK A LONG NAP AFTER THEY LEFT, BUT IN SPITE OF THE TIREDNESS, AM REALLY GLAD THEY ALL CAME. MY AUNT WOULDN'T LEAVE BEFORE LAUNDERING ALL THE SHEETS & TOWELS THEY HAD USED WHILE HERE WHICH WAS REALLY SWEET & MOTHERLY OF HER. I MISS THEM ALL ALREADY.
THURSDAY AUGUST 18th: CHEMO # 13
SUNDAY AUGUST 21st: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY STEP-MOM, ROSE MARIE. THEY WENT OUT OF TOWN, AS PER USUAL, AS THEY DO FOR MANY HOLIDAYS & OCCASIONS. THAT WAY THEY CAN GET AWAY FROM IT ALL & TRULY RELAX. HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GREAT TIME & YOU LIKED THE CARD I MADE! I REALLY HAD FUN MAKING IT. IT WAS IN THE SHAPE OF A FANCY TEA CUP THANKS TO MY HANDY DANDY CRICUT SHAPE CUTTING MACHINE, WITH PINK PAPER LACE ACROSS THE TOP MADE FROM A MARTHA STEWART PAPER PUNCHER SET I HAVE & A PRETTY LITTLE PINK RIBBON. (PINK IS HER FAVORITE COLOR.) I REALLY WISH I KNEW HOW TO SCAN A PICTURE OF IT INTO THE COMPUTER & ATTACH IT TO MY BLOG TO SHOW EVERYONE. THAT WAY I COULD HAVE A MULTIPURPOSE CANCER ADVENTURES/ CRAFTING BLOG TOO. UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T KNOW HOW. MY DAUGHTER PUT ALL THE PICTURES INTO MY BLOG IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN SHE WAS HERE. I MEANT TO HAVE HER TEACH ME THAT SKILL BEFORE SHE LEFT, BUT ALAS, I DIDN'T REMEMBER TO ASK HER. THINGS DON'T SEEM TO STICK IN MY HEAD FOR LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES DUE TO CHEMO BRAIN & SOME OF MY COMPUTER SKILLS ARE LACKING. IT SEEMS THE FORGETFULNESS GETS WORSE AS THE TREATMENT PROGRESSES.
WHO AM I? WHERE AM I? WHAT WAS I DOING OR TRYING TO SAY? OH WELL! YOU GET THE DRIFT. WHEN I MAILED ROSE MARIE'S CARD A FEW DAYS AGO, I ALSO REMAILED KRISTEN'S BIRTHDAY CARD. KRISTEN IS MY FORMER DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S YOUNGEST FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. I STILL SEND BIRTHDAY CARDS, WITH A NOTE, OR A LITTLE CASH AS THE BUDGET ALLOWS, AND A STARBUCKS GIFT CARD FOR A SPECIAL TREAT TO ALL 3 OF HER KIDS. KRISTEN'S BIRTHDAY WAS JULY 17th BUT THEY MOVED RATHER SUDDENLY, WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW, SO IT CAME BACK IN THE MAIL. I'M GLAD HER MOM DIDN'T CHANGE HER PHONE NUMBER TOO, SO I WAS ABLE TO EVENTUALLY GET THEIR NEW ADDRESS & RESEND IT. I USED A PAPER DOLL CARTRIDGE TO CREATE A CUTE CARD OF A LITTLE GIRL JUMPING ROPE WITH RHINESTONES, SPARKLY FLOWERS & A BUTTERFLY ON A CIRCULAR LACY ROUND CARD & MATCHING ENVELOPE. I EVEN THINK THE PAPER DOLL KIND OF LOOKS LIKE HER. SHE JUST TURNED 8.
MONDAY AUGUST 22nd- CARS & ADVERTISEMENTS:
ARTIE ADVERTISED MY OLD CAR ON CRAIGS LIST. IT'S A LITTLE HYUNDAI ACCENT COMMUTER CAR WITH GOOD GAS MILEAGE THAT WE BOUGHT WHEN I GOT THE JOB AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL
IN 2002. IT HAS ABOUT 150,000 MILES ON IT & HAS SERVED ME WELL. I HAD A FIN PUT ON IT WHEN IT WAS NEW WHICH MAKES IT REALLY CUTE, AT LEAST TO ME. IT WAS THE VERY FIRST NEW CAR I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY WHOLE LIFE. I'M FEELING A LITTLE BIT SENTIMENTAL IN LETTING IT GO, BUT IT'S BEEN SITTING AROUND UNUSED & COLLECTING DUST & WE COULD USE A BOOST IN OUR INCOME RIGHT NOW. WHEN I FEEL UP TO DRIVING, I DRIVE ARTIE'S OLD CAR. IT DOESN'T HAVE A CUTE LITTLE FIN, BUT IT DOES HAVE A SUN ROOF. I THINK THAT'S THE CLOSEST I'M GOING TO GET TO THE CONVERTIBLE I'VE WANTED FOR YEARS. A NICE COUPLE FROM LEMOORE CAME BY TO TEST DRIVE IT AND DECIDED TO BUY IT. THEY ARE SURPRISING A VERY LUCKY 16 YEAR OLD SON WHO JUST GOT HIS DRIVER'S LICENCE. CUTE CAR WITH FIN-BRIGHT BLUE COLOR- TEENAGE BOY: I THINK THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER. AT LEAST IT MAKES IT EASIER TO LET IT GO. IT'S KIND OF SILLY TO GET ATTACHED TO A CAR. OH WELL! ARTIE GAVE ME A SMALL AMOUNT OF THE MONEY FROM THE CAR AT MY REQUEST. I WANTED TO REPLACE OUR WORN OUT BEDSPREAD & GOT ALL EXCITED ABOUT FINALLY BEING ABLE TO DO IT, BUT DIDN'T ACT FAST ENOUGH. HE NEEDED THE MONEY BACK TO GET SOME ESSENTIALS WE NEEDED FROM COSTCO LIKE TOILET PAPER ETC. & NOW PROBABLY CAN'T REPLACE IT BECAUSE OF PENDING MEDICAL BILLS. I GUESS THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS EITHER 1.)EASY COME EASY GO OR 2.)SPEND IT AS FAST AS YOU GET IT. I'M NOT SURE WHICH. TAKE YOUR PICK. I UNDERSTAND HIS REASONING, BUT I SURE WAS DISAPPOINTED.
TUESDAY AUGUST 23rd- REGULAR LABS:
I USED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HAVING TO WAIT TOO LONG IN THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL LAB WAITING ROOM TO GET MY REGULAR LABWORK DONE FOR MY TRANSPLANT DOCTORS. RIGHT NOW, I GET BLOOD DRAWN EVERY WEEK AT THE ONCOLOGISTS OFFICE TO MAKE SURE MY BLOOD CELL COUNTS & ANEMIA HAVEN'T DROPPED SO LOW THAT I NEED ANOTHER BLOOD TRANSFUSION OR THEY HAVE TO CANCEL MY CHEMO FOR ANOTHER WEEK OF RECOVERY TIME. MY TRANSPLANT DOCTORS LOOK AT SOME OF THE SAME TESTS, BUT MOSTLY THEY ARE INTERESTED IN THE BLOOD LEVELS OF THE IMMUNOSUPPRESSANT DRUG I TAKE TO PROTECT MY TRANSPLANTED LIVER. THIS IS A TIMED TEST THAT HAS TO BE DRAWN IN THE MORNING, 12 HOURS AFTER I TOOK THE LAST DOSE THE NIGHT BEFORE. IT GETS A LITTLE COMPLICATED SOMETIMES IN GETTING THE TIMING RIGHT. MY LABS AT THE ONCOLOGIST'S OFFICE ARE DRAWN IN THE AFTERNOON & DON'T INCLUDE THIS DRUG LEVEL OR A FEW OF THE OTHER THINGS THE TRANSPLANT DOCTOR NEEDS TO SEE. I WAS GETTING THESE DONE EVERY 8 WEEKS, BUT NOW THEY WANT ME TO CHECK MY REGULAR LABS MONTHLY WHILE UNDERGOING TREATMENT FOR CANCER. I USED TO JUST HAVE TO GO DOWN THE HALL FROM THE UNIT I WORKED IN AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL AT THE BEGINNING OF MY SHIFT TO GET THIS DONE. SINCE I STOPPED WORKING AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL, IT'S BEEN TOUGHER TO ARRANGE. IT'S ALSO COMPLICATED BY THE FACT THAT I'M OFTEN TOO TIRED TO DRIVE MYSELF, MY HUSBAND IS OUT & ABOUT & WORKING MORE THAN HE WAS & ISN'T ALWAYS AVAILABLE, & MY HEALTH INSURANCE FROM CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL ENDED AS OF JULY 1st BECAUSE OF BEING FIRED FOR BEING SICK TOO LONG, SO I CAN'T GO THERE ANYMORE FOR MY LABWORK, AND THE LOCAL HOSPITAL IN HANFORD WAS RECENTLY REBUILT AT A NEW LOCATION, & I DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHERE TO GO. THROW IN A LITTLE CHEMO BRAIN FORGETFULNESS & YOU GET THE PICTURE. BUT TODAY I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO DRIVE MYSELF THERE, FIND THE NEW LOCATION, AND GET MY REGULAR LABS DRAWN FOR MY TRANSPLANT DOCTORS. IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH, BUT IT WAS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME. AS I STARTED TO SAY AT THE BEGINNING OF TODAY'S BLOG, I THOUGHT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL LAB WAS SLOW IN PROCESSING PEOPLE, BUT NOW REALIZE THIS MAY BE UNIVERSALLY TRUE OF ALL LABS. IT TOOK A REALLY LONG TIME TO GET MY BLOOD DRAWN AT HANFORD COMMUNITY HOSPITAL'S OUTPATIENT LAB. THEIR FACILITY MAY BE BRAND NEW, BUT THE PROCESS HAS NOT IMPROVED A GREAT DEAL. IT TOOK 45 MINUTES IN THE MAIN WAITING ROOM BEFORE THEY EVEN REGISTERED ME FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER WAIT IN THE SECONDARY LAB WAITING ROOM FOR THEM TO CALL MY NAME & DRAW MY BLOOD. IT'S A GOOD THING I HAVE THE TIME TO WAIT. MY TIMED TEST WAS A LITTLE LATE BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS, BUT AT LEAST IT'S DONE FOR THIS MONTH. HURRAY! I ASKED THE GIRL WHO DREW MY BLOOD IF GAIL STILL WORKED THERE. SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO NICE TO ME WHEN I USED TO BE A FREQUENT FLYER AT THE LAB THERE BEFORE MY DAYS AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. SHE TOLD ME YES, & WENT & GOT HER. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY RECENT CANCER ADVENTURES WHICH MADE HER START TO CRY. SHE SAID SHE WOULD PRAY FOR ME TOO & WE HUGGED. SHE KNOWS I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. I TOLD HER SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO CRY FOR ME BECAUSE EMOTIONALLY & PHYSICALLY I'M DOING FINE. IT'S NICE TO HAVE FRIENDS IN ALL KINDS OF PLACES.
THURSDAY AUGUST 25th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOTH OF MY KIDS!
YES, BOTH OF MY KIDS HAVE THE EXACT SAME BITHDAY ONLY 4 YEARS APART IN AGE. WISH I COULD CELEBRATE WITH BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME LIKE I USED TO WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE. I GOT TO SEE DAVID BRIEFLY, IN THE MORNING, AS HE CAME BY EARLY TO TRY & HELP HIS DAD FIND A LEAK IN THE ROOF BEFORE WE HAD TO LEAVE FOR CHEMO # 14. I AT LEAST GOT TO WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEFORE WE HAD TO LEAVE. NO SUCCESS WITH THE LEAK YET. I HAD HIS CAKE MADE & PRESENTS BOUGHT, BUT NO TIME FOR THE USUAL FESTIVITIES. WILL HAVE TO POSTPONE FOR A DAY OR TWO. I HAD TO TEXT MY DAUGHTER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. THEY HAD TO DISCONNECT THE HOUSE PHONE NUMBER THAT USED TO BELONG TO JON'S GRANDMA. NONE OF THEIR SPRINT CELL PHONES WORK FOR TALKING PURPOSES IN THE RURAL AREA OF TEXAS WHERE THEY NOW LIVE. TEXTING SEEMS TO WORK STILL, SO THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET A HOLD OF THE THEM UNTIL THEY ARE ABLE TO CHANGE CARRIERS. VERIZON, WHICH WE HAVE, REPORTEDLY DOES FINE. CAN'T WAIT TIL I CAN HEAR THEIR VOICES AGAIN. IN THE MEAN TIME, TEXTING WILL HAVE TO DO. I MAILED HER PRESENTS A FEW DAYS AGO SO HOPEFULLY IT WON'T TAKE FOREVER TO GET THERE. WE'LL SEE. MY ONCOLOGIST VERIFIED WITH ME THAT I ONLY HAVE 2 MORE CHEMOS AFTER TODAY'S TREATMENT & SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE SURGERY IN ABOUT 6 WEEKS. I DON'T KNOW THE EXACT DATE YET UNTIL I SEE MY SURGEON AGAIN, DR MARGARET HADCOCK IN FRESNO, WHO I REALLY LIKE A LOT. SHE WAS VERY CARING & COMPASSIONATE. AFTER THAT WILL BE DAILY RADIATION, SO THE END OF TREATMENT IS DIMLY IN SIGHT. UNTIL NOW, IT'S FELT LIKE CHEMO WAS NEVER GOING TO END.
SATURDAY AUGUST 27th: BIRTHDAYS & LEAKS.
I WOKE UP EARLIER THAN I USUALLY DO AROUND 8 AM. I WAS STILL PRETTY SLEEPY, BUT ARTIE ASKED ME IF I COULD GET UP & GET DRESSED TO HELP HIM TRY AGAIN TO PINPOINT THE LEAK IN THE ROOF ABOVE THE FRONT BEDROOM BEFORE IT GOT TOO HOT OUTSIDE. I WATCHED THE HOLE HE HAD CUT IN THE CEILING ON THE INSIDE OF THE HOUSE WHILE HE SQUIRTED WATER ON DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE ROOF TO TRY AND PINPOINT WHERE THE WATER IS RUNNING FROM, SO IT CAN GET FIXED BEFORE WINTER RAINS. WE TRIED FOR ABOUT 1/2 AN HOUR WITH ME OCCASIONALLY RUNNING OUTSIDE TO INCREASE THE WATER FLOW & PRESSURE IN THE HOSE. IT DRIPPED STEADILY & GUSHED ONCE, BUT NOT CONSISTENTLY. WE STILL COULDN'T TELL EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS COMING FROM. WE ONLY KNOW WHERE IT ENDS UP (IN THE FRONT BEDROOM CEILING.) I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO TRY AGAIN LATER. ARTIE HAD TO LEAVE TO GO TO AN APPOINTMENT AT ONE OF THE FIRE STATIONS WHOSE MEMBERS HE HELPS WITH BENEFITS & LIFE INSURANCE NEEDS.
LATER IN THE DAY, WE MET OUR SON, DAVID, AT SIZZLER WHEN HE GOT OFF WORK AT 4 PM. TO FINALLY CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY. WE CAME HOME AFTER EATING, HAD BIRTHDAY CAKE, & HE OPENED HIS PRESENTS WHICH HE SEEMED TO REALLY LIKE. ONE OF THEM WAS A METAL PLAQUE STATING SOMETHING HE HAD WANTED FOR HIS NEW HOUSE: "AS FOR ME & MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD". I'M SO PROUD OF THAT BOY! HE'S MAKING SO MANY GOOD CHOICES THESE DAYS AS OPPOSED TO THE NEGATIVE CHOICES HE OFTEN MADE AS A TEEN. I'M GLAD WE ALL SURVIVED THOSE YEARS. I'M PROUD OF MY DAUGHTER & SON-IN-LAW & GRANDKIDS TOO. I AM TRULY BLESSED.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
KIDS & JOBS COME & GO, BUT CHEMO GOES ON FOREVER
ONCE AGAIN, IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED ANYTHING. AT FIRST, I DIDN'T FEEL WELL ENOUGH TO WORK ON IT, THEN, IT HAD BEEN SO LONG SINCE I POSTED, THAT CATCHING UP WAS INTIMIDATING. SO, HERE GOES :
JOBS COME & JOBS GO:
-MY LAST DAY OF WORK WAS MARCH 9th. MY FIRST CHEMO WAS MARCH 10th. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO WORK TUESDAY MARCH 15th, GIVING ME 5 DAYS TO RECOVER BEFORE GOING BACK TO WORK. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, THE WORST OF THE CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS SEEM TO HIT ME ABOUT 4 OR 5 DAYS AFTER TREATMENT. I FELT VERY BAD PHYSICALLY THE DAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK. I WAS DETERMINED I WAS GOING TO DO THIS & FORCED MYSELF TO GET DRESSED FOR WORK ANYWAY. I FELT BAD ENOUGH THAT I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF THE 45 MINUTES TO WORK, SO ARTIE TOOK ME. WE GOT AS FAR AS SELMA, WHICH IS 20 MINUTES AWAY FROM HOME, DECIDED THIS WAS RIDICULOUS TO GO TO WORK WHEN I FELT THIS BAD, SO TURNED AROUND & WENT BACK HOME. THUS STARTED MY MEDICAL LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK. WE JUMPED THROUGH ALL THE HOOPS, SIGNED ALL THE PAPERS, TURNED EVERYTHING IN ON TIME INCLUDING DOCTOR FORMS OR WHATEVER ELSE WAS NEEDED. AND JUST ABOUT THE TIME I FINISHED THE HARD CHEMO & HAD STARTED TO FEEL A TINY BIT BETTER, AND 12 WEEKS TO THE DAY FROM WHEN I STOPPED WORKING, I GOT FIRED JUNE 2nd. I GOT THE DREADED CALL ON JUNE 3rd FROM THE HUMAN RESOURCES LEAVE COORDINATOR, JENNIFER HODGE & MAUREEN INFORMING ME OF THEIR DECISION & STATING, THEY HOPED I WILL FEEL BETTER IN THE FUTURE, BUT BASICALLY:DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU. I WAS OFFICIALLY TERMINATED! I WAS SHOCKED & A LITTLE BIT ANGRY. I KNOW THIS MAY BE COMMON BUSINESS PRACTICE TO CUT YOUR LOSSES WHEN SOMEONE IS TOO SICK TO WORK, BUT IT SEEMS SO WRONG MORALLY. IT REALLY FELT LIKE BEING KICKED WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY DOWN AFTER 8 1/2 YEARS OF FAITHFUL SERVICE . I FOOLISHLY THOUGHT THAT A CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WOULD BE MORE COMPASSIONATE, BUT I GUESS THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE THESE DAYS. I KNOW NOW THAT GOD WAS RELEASING ME FROM A VERY DEMANDING STRESS-FILLED JOB, BUT IT'S TAKEN A LITTLE WHILE TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION. I WAS TOLD I COULD REAPPLY FOR A POSITION IF & WHEN I GOT BETTER, BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DO THAT WHEN THEY WOULDN'T STAND BY ME WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST. I HAD BEEN FEELING GOD WAS POSSIBLY GOING TO REMOVE MY JOB & INCOME FOR A WHILE EVEN BEFORE THE CANCER DIAGNOSIS, BUT I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE WAY IT HAPPENED. ANOTHER RESULT OF BEING FIRED IS THAT I LOST MY PRIMARY HEALTH INSURANCE, VISION & DENTAL CARE. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT OTHERS WOULD DO IF PLACED IN THE SAME POSITION. WHAT IF THEY WERE THE ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME FOR THEIR FAMILY, OR HAD NO FAMILY SUPPORT, OR NO BACK UP INSURANCE. HOW DEVASTATING WOULD THAT BE? THANKFULLY, MY HUSBAND HAD THE FORESIGHT TO ADD ME TO HIS INSURANCE ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED & BEFORE HE RETIRED, SO I HAD BACK UP INSURANCE. IT DOESN'T INCLUDE VISION & DENTAL CARE, BUT SHOULD COVER 80 % OF MY UPCOMING SURGERY & TREATMENT. WE WERE TOLD WE COULD CONTINUE THE PRIMARY INSURANCE I HAD BEFORE THROUGH CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WITH COBRA, BUT THE COSTS WERE PROHIBITIVE. WE COULDN'T AFFORD THE $700 A MONTH IT WOULD COST TO KEEP THINGS THE WAY THEY WERE IN OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES.
UPDATE ON THE KIDS:
-JUNE 24th: MY DAUGHTER & HER SWEET LITTLE BOYS LEFT HANFORD TO JOIN HER HUSBAND IN COSTA MESA, PACK ALL THEIR BELONGINGS, SAY GOODBYE TO THEIR FRIENDS, & START A NEW LIFE IN TEXAS. MY SON-IN-LAW, JON, WILL BE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TO GET A DEGREE AT TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY, WHICH SHOULD TAKE ABOUT 5 YEARS TO DO. FROM THERE, WHO KNOWS WHERE? THEY LEFT ME WITH AN ORGANIZED HOUSE, CLOSER FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, AND A NEWLY REDECORATED LIVING ROOM WITH FRESHLY SEWN PILLOWS & CURTAINS & NEWLY PAINTED COFFEE TABLE, END TABLES, BOOKCASE, & ROCKER THAT WE PICKED UP AT SECOND HAND STORES INEXPENSIVELY. IT REALLY PERKED THINGS UP & LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. I ENJOYED OUR TALKS TOGETHER, ENJOYED SNUGGLING WITH A 4 (NOW 5) YEAR OLD, AND CRAFTING PROJECTS WITH CALEB & BEN BOTH. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN IN SPITE OF HOW I FELT. DAVID BROUGHT THEM A LOT OF DO IT YOURSELF BUILD & GROW KITS FROM LOWE'S DESIGNED FOR KIDS TO BUILD INTO BIRD FEEDERS, GAMES, ETC WHICH CALEB BUILT & BEN ENJOYED. I CAN NEVER REPAY THE SACRIFICES THEY MADE THAT ALLOWED THEM TO BE HERE FOR ME FOR THE LAST 4 MONTHS. THE HOUSE STAYS MUCH NEATER NOW AND IS VERY QUIET, BUT I THINK I PREFER NOISY & FULL. IT'LL TAKE SOME GETTING USED TO. I'M KIND OF BOOKED FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS WITH FINISHING UP CHEMO, THEN ON TO SURGERY & RADIATION. IT'S STILL A LITTLE BIT OVERWHELMING AT TIMES, WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, BUT I'VE COME TO REALIZE, IN HAVING EVERYONE HERE UNDER ONE ROOF, THAT I LOVED BEING CLOSE TO MY GRANDKIDS & DON'T WANT TO MISS OUT ON THE NEXT 5 YEARS OF THEIR LIVES IN TEXAS. WE'LL SEE WHAT GOD HAS IN MIND FOR THEM, FOR US, & FOR THIS DESIRE HE'S PLACED IN MY HEART.
-JULY 28th: ESCROW CLOSED & MY SON, DAVID, AND HIS LITTLE DOG, DAISY, WERE ABLE TO MOVE INTO THEIR OWN HOUSE AFTER 2 YEARS OF LIVING WITH MOM & DAD. HIS HOUSE IS A SMALL VICTORIAN STYLE BUILT IN 1902 WITH A BIG FRONT PORCH. IT'S IN DECENT SHAPE, CONSIDERING HOW OLD IT IS WITH 3 BEDROOMS, 2 BATHS, A FENCED IN YARD, AND NEW GARAGE IN THE REAR. IT'S REALLY CUTE & WILL KEEP HIM BUSY WITH MR FIX-IT JOBS FOR QUITE SOME TIME. SINCE HE IS STARTING FROM SCRATCH, AS FAR AS HOUSEHOLD GOODS ARE CONCERNED, HIS SISTER WAS ABLE TO HELP HIM ACQUIRE HIS OWN SET OF USED ITEMS FROM SECOND HAND STORES BEFORE SHE LEFT. HE DID A GREAT JOB OF FIXING THEM UP & EVERYTHING SEEMS TO GO TOGETHER NICELY. SHE ALSO MADE HIM SOME MATCHING PILLOWS TOO, FOR THE USED COUCHES FROM EXTRA MATERIAL THAT CAME WITH THEM. I'M VERY IMPRESSED WITH ALL OF THEIR SELF TAUGHT SKILLS & AM VERY PROUD OF DAVID, REBECCA, AND JON. I HAVE GREAT KIDS. I'M SURE DAVID WAS MORE THAN READY TO BE ON HIS OWN AGAIN, BUT I MISS THEM A LOT. ESPECIALLY THOSE PUPPY KISSES FROM DAISY. SHE & REBECCA'S DOG XENA, GOT PRETTY SPOILED WHILE THEY WERE HERE WITH ME. GRANDMA'S DON'T JUST SPOIL GRANDKIDS, THEY'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SPOIL GRANDDOGGIES TOO. I THINK MY KIDS WILL HAVE A LITTLE PET RETRAINING TO DO. ANYWAY, I WOULDN'T TRADE THE TIME I HAD WITH BOTH MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS, & SON-IN-LAW (ON WEEKENDS), & GRANDDOGGIES FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD IN SPITE OF THE REASONS THEY WERE HERE.
CHEMO-THAT KEEPS GOING ON & ON & ON...
-I WAS ORIGINALLY TOLD I WOULD HAVE 8 CHEMOTHERAPY INFUSIONS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART. THE FIRST 4 WERE A TWO MEDICINE COMBO THAT IS SUPER STRONG, DESIGNED TO STOP THE CANCER IN IT'S TRACKS, BUT HAS A LOT OF HARSH SIDE EFFECTS SUCH AS HAIR LOSS (BALDNESS), MOUTH SORES, REOPENING OF ALL THE CUTS & SORES YOU'VE EVER HAD OVER THE LAST 1-2 YEARS AS IT DESTROYS THE NEWER CELLS THAT COVERED THOSE SPOTS, ANEMIA, WEAKNESS, SUPPRESSED BONE MARROW FUNCTION, LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS REQUIRING SHOTS & TRANSFUSIONS, AND FREQUENT INFECTIONS TO NAME A FEW. I EVEN HAVE A SLIGHTLY FADING BROWN STRIPE AND LONG INDENTATION ON ONE ARM OVER ONE OF THE VEINS THAT GOT VERY IRRITATED & INJURED BY THE CHEMO. FOR THE LAST 4 TREATMENTS, THEY CHANGED TO ANOTHER MEDICINE DESIGNED TO SHRINK THE TUMOR DOWN IN SIZE SO IT'S EASY TO REMOVE DURING SURGERY. THIS MED HAS FEWER SIDE EFFECTS, MOSTLY FATIGUE & BODY ACHES & PAINS, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO CAUSE LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS BUT DID ANYWAY BECAUSE MY IMMUNE SYSTEM WAS ALREADY SUPPRESSED BEFORE CHEMO STARTED FROM THE LIVER TRANSPLANT I HAD 12 YEARS AGO. I HAVE HAD A STRONGER REACTION TO CHEMO ALL ALONG THAN MOST REQUIRING THEM TO DECREASE THE DOSES FREQUENTLY & INCREASE THE RECOVERY TIME BETWEEN TREATMENTS. INSTEAD OF 8 TREATMENTS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART WHICH EQUALS APPROXIMATELY 16 WEEKS TO COMPLETE TREATMENT, IT'S BEEN EXTENDED TO 24 TO 28 WEEKS DEPENDING ON WHETHER I NEED ANY MORE EXTRA BREAKS BETWEEN TREATMENTS TO RECOVER FROM SIDE EFFECTS. THIS HAS HAPPENED SEVERAL TIMES ALREADY AND COULD HAPPEN EASILY AGAIN. THEY FORGOT TO TELL ME ALL THIS, SO WHEN I WENT FOR MY 8th & WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MY LAST TREATMENT, I WAS UNPLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FIND OUT I HAD 9 MORE TREATMENTS TO GO. 8 MORE THAN I THOUGHT PLUS THE ONE SCEDULED FOR THAT DAY THAT WAS POSTPONED ANOTHER WEEK BECAUSE MY WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT WAS TOO LOW (1.8). I WASN'T FINISHED AT ALL. I WASN'T EVEN HALF WAY DONE. THEY HAD FORGOTTEN TO TELL ME THAT WHEN THEY SIGNIFICANTLY DECREASED THE DOSE OF THE LAST MEDICINE AND REQUIRED ME TO COME WEEKLY FOR TREATMENT AT A MUCH SMALLER DOSE WHICH IS USUALLY TOLERATED MUCH BETTER, IT ALSO SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASES THE NUMBER OF DOSES I WOULD NEED. IT WENT FROM 4 DOSES OF THE LAST MED TO 12 DOSES. IF YOU INCLUDE THESE 12 DOSES OF THE LIGHTER MED PLUS THE 4 DOSES IN THE BEGINNING OF THE HARDER MEDS, I WILL HAVE HAD A TOTAL OF 16 ROUNDS OF CHEMO. I GUESS THAT TUMOR WILL HAVE THE TIME TO LAY DOWN & DIE, OR AT LEAST CRY UNCLE FOR AWHILE & GIVE UP. IT HAS SHRUNK CONSIDERABLY SMALLER TO THE POINT THAT IT'S MUCH HARDER TO FIND AND MY HAIR IS JUST BARELY STARTING TO GROW BACK. I HAVE A LOT OF PEACH FUZZ & A FEW GLARINGLY BALD SPOTS STILL. THE COLOR IS A LOT MORE GREY THAN I REMEMBER, THOUGH. GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED. EVEN IF I WANTED TO GET EVERYTHING OVER QUICKLY & PUT IT BEHIND ME, HE DOES WHAT IS BEST FOR MY OVERALL GOOD. MY EMOTIONS HAVE GONE THROUGH MANY UPS & DOWN, THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY THINGS TO ADJUST TO, BUT I TRUST HIM. GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. HE HAS SENT THE FAMILY & FRIENDS & SUPPORT I NEED WHEN I NEEDED IT. MY FREIND LISA, WHO ALSO HAS CANCER, MY AUNT, & MY BROTHER HAVE BEEN GREAT AT CHECKING UP ON ME & ENCOURAGING ME ALONG THE WAY EVEN WHEN THEIR OWN FAMILIES ARE GOING THROUGH CRISIS SUCH AS MY SISTER-IN-LAW, LAURA, GETTING REALLY SICK AND HAVING TO UNEXPECTEDLY BE HOSPITALIZED FOR A WEEK. SHE'S HOME & FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW BUT GOT THE PRIVALEGE OF BEING INTRODUCED TO THE JOYS OF BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS, AN EXTENDED TIME OF NOTHING BY MOUTH, AND A MULTITUDE POKING & PRODDING & ENDLESS TESTS. WELCOME TO THE CLUB. I FIND I GET A LITTLE LONELY THESE DAYS, PART OF THE TIME. I WENT FROM A VERY FULL & BUSY HOUSEHOLD FULL OF KIDS & DOGS & NOISE & LIFE TO JUST ARTIE & I. AND NOW ARTIE IS GONE MORE DURING THE DAY TO TRY & DRUM UP SOME BUSINESS & INCOME AND ESPECIALLY SINCE ALL THE KIDS HAVE MOVED ON( AS THEY SHOULD), IT GETS A LITTLE LONELY. QUIET IS BETTER FOR RESTING AND LONELY HELPS US LISTEN TO GOD'S STILL SMALL VOICE MUCH CLEARER AND TROUBLE HAS A WAY OF MAKING US STRONGER. NO MATTER WHAT, GOD IS HERE. HE COMFORTS ME WHEN I'M SAD & GIVES ME REST WHEN I'M EXHAUSTED, AS LONG AS I COOPERATE WITH HIM & LAY MY HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER. HE'S GIVEN ME A GOOD HUSBAND WHO TRIES TO SUPPORT ME IN EVERY WAY HE CAN EVEN IF THAT'S NOT HIS STRONG SUIT. ARTIE IS LEARNING TOO. GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR BOTH OF US AND I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO HIM.
LOVE,
CHERYL
PS. EXCUSE THE EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF RUN ON SENTENCES & LONGWINDED WORDINESS. I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO WRITE THINGS DOWN IN SHORT HAND. I FIND IT REALLY HELPS ME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH & ADJUST BETTER WHEN I WRITE IT DOWN, SO THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE.
JOBS COME & JOBS GO:
-MY LAST DAY OF WORK WAS MARCH 9th. MY FIRST CHEMO WAS MARCH 10th. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO WORK TUESDAY MARCH 15th, GIVING ME 5 DAYS TO RECOVER BEFORE GOING BACK TO WORK. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, THE WORST OF THE CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS SEEM TO HIT ME ABOUT 4 OR 5 DAYS AFTER TREATMENT. I FELT VERY BAD PHYSICALLY THE DAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK. I WAS DETERMINED I WAS GOING TO DO THIS & FORCED MYSELF TO GET DRESSED FOR WORK ANYWAY. I FELT BAD ENOUGH THAT I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF THE 45 MINUTES TO WORK, SO ARTIE TOOK ME. WE GOT AS FAR AS SELMA, WHICH IS 20 MINUTES AWAY FROM HOME, DECIDED THIS WAS RIDICULOUS TO GO TO WORK WHEN I FELT THIS BAD, SO TURNED AROUND & WENT BACK HOME. THUS STARTED MY MEDICAL LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK. WE JUMPED THROUGH ALL THE HOOPS, SIGNED ALL THE PAPERS, TURNED EVERYTHING IN ON TIME INCLUDING DOCTOR FORMS OR WHATEVER ELSE WAS NEEDED. AND JUST ABOUT THE TIME I FINISHED THE HARD CHEMO & HAD STARTED TO FEEL A TINY BIT BETTER, AND 12 WEEKS TO THE DAY FROM WHEN I STOPPED WORKING, I GOT FIRED JUNE 2nd. I GOT THE DREADED CALL ON JUNE 3rd FROM THE HUMAN RESOURCES LEAVE COORDINATOR, JENNIFER HODGE & MAUREEN INFORMING ME OF THEIR DECISION & STATING, THEY HOPED I WILL FEEL BETTER IN THE FUTURE, BUT BASICALLY:DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU. I WAS OFFICIALLY TERMINATED! I WAS SHOCKED & A LITTLE BIT ANGRY. I KNOW THIS MAY BE COMMON BUSINESS PRACTICE TO CUT YOUR LOSSES WHEN SOMEONE IS TOO SICK TO WORK, BUT IT SEEMS SO WRONG MORALLY. IT REALLY FELT LIKE BEING KICKED WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY DOWN AFTER 8 1/2 YEARS OF FAITHFUL SERVICE . I FOOLISHLY THOUGHT THAT A CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WOULD BE MORE COMPASSIONATE, BUT I GUESS THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE THESE DAYS. I KNOW NOW THAT GOD WAS RELEASING ME FROM A VERY DEMANDING STRESS-FILLED JOB, BUT IT'S TAKEN A LITTLE WHILE TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION. I WAS TOLD I COULD REAPPLY FOR A POSITION IF & WHEN I GOT BETTER, BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DO THAT WHEN THEY WOULDN'T STAND BY ME WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST. I HAD BEEN FEELING GOD WAS POSSIBLY GOING TO REMOVE MY JOB & INCOME FOR A WHILE EVEN BEFORE THE CANCER DIAGNOSIS, BUT I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE WAY IT HAPPENED. ANOTHER RESULT OF BEING FIRED IS THAT I LOST MY PRIMARY HEALTH INSURANCE, VISION & DENTAL CARE. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT OTHERS WOULD DO IF PLACED IN THE SAME POSITION. WHAT IF THEY WERE THE ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME FOR THEIR FAMILY, OR HAD NO FAMILY SUPPORT, OR NO BACK UP INSURANCE. HOW DEVASTATING WOULD THAT BE? THANKFULLY, MY HUSBAND HAD THE FORESIGHT TO ADD ME TO HIS INSURANCE ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED & BEFORE HE RETIRED, SO I HAD BACK UP INSURANCE. IT DOESN'T INCLUDE VISION & DENTAL CARE, BUT SHOULD COVER 80 % OF MY UPCOMING SURGERY & TREATMENT. WE WERE TOLD WE COULD CONTINUE THE PRIMARY INSURANCE I HAD BEFORE THROUGH CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WITH COBRA, BUT THE COSTS WERE PROHIBITIVE. WE COULDN'T AFFORD THE $700 A MONTH IT WOULD COST TO KEEP THINGS THE WAY THEY WERE IN OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES.
UPDATE ON THE KIDS:
-JUNE 24th: MY DAUGHTER & HER SWEET LITTLE BOYS LEFT HANFORD TO JOIN HER HUSBAND IN COSTA MESA, PACK ALL THEIR BELONGINGS, SAY GOODBYE TO THEIR FRIENDS, & START A NEW LIFE IN TEXAS. MY SON-IN-LAW, JON, WILL BE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TO GET A DEGREE AT TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY, WHICH SHOULD TAKE ABOUT 5 YEARS TO DO. FROM THERE, WHO KNOWS WHERE? THEY LEFT ME WITH AN ORGANIZED HOUSE, CLOSER FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, AND A NEWLY REDECORATED LIVING ROOM WITH FRESHLY SEWN PILLOWS & CURTAINS & NEWLY PAINTED COFFEE TABLE, END TABLES, BOOKCASE, & ROCKER THAT WE PICKED UP AT SECOND HAND STORES INEXPENSIVELY. IT REALLY PERKED THINGS UP & LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. I ENJOYED OUR TALKS TOGETHER, ENJOYED SNUGGLING WITH A 4 (NOW 5) YEAR OLD, AND CRAFTING PROJECTS WITH CALEB & BEN BOTH. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN IN SPITE OF HOW I FELT. DAVID BROUGHT THEM A LOT OF DO IT YOURSELF BUILD & GROW KITS FROM LOWE'S DESIGNED FOR KIDS TO BUILD INTO BIRD FEEDERS, GAMES, ETC WHICH CALEB BUILT & BEN ENJOYED. I CAN NEVER REPAY THE SACRIFICES THEY MADE THAT ALLOWED THEM TO BE HERE FOR ME FOR THE LAST 4 MONTHS. THE HOUSE STAYS MUCH NEATER NOW AND IS VERY QUIET, BUT I THINK I PREFER NOISY & FULL. IT'LL TAKE SOME GETTING USED TO. I'M KIND OF BOOKED FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS WITH FINISHING UP CHEMO, THEN ON TO SURGERY & RADIATION. IT'S STILL A LITTLE BIT OVERWHELMING AT TIMES, WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, BUT I'VE COME TO REALIZE, IN HAVING EVERYONE HERE UNDER ONE ROOF, THAT I LOVED BEING CLOSE TO MY GRANDKIDS & DON'T WANT TO MISS OUT ON THE NEXT 5 YEARS OF THEIR LIVES IN TEXAS. WE'LL SEE WHAT GOD HAS IN MIND FOR THEM, FOR US, & FOR THIS DESIRE HE'S PLACED IN MY HEART.
-JULY 28th: ESCROW CLOSED & MY SON, DAVID, AND HIS LITTLE DOG, DAISY, WERE ABLE TO MOVE INTO THEIR OWN HOUSE AFTER 2 YEARS OF LIVING WITH MOM & DAD. HIS HOUSE IS A SMALL VICTORIAN STYLE BUILT IN 1902 WITH A BIG FRONT PORCH. IT'S IN DECENT SHAPE, CONSIDERING HOW OLD IT IS WITH 3 BEDROOMS, 2 BATHS, A FENCED IN YARD, AND NEW GARAGE IN THE REAR. IT'S REALLY CUTE & WILL KEEP HIM BUSY WITH MR FIX-IT JOBS FOR QUITE SOME TIME. SINCE HE IS STARTING FROM SCRATCH, AS FAR AS HOUSEHOLD GOODS ARE CONCERNED, HIS SISTER WAS ABLE TO HELP HIM ACQUIRE HIS OWN SET OF USED ITEMS FROM SECOND HAND STORES BEFORE SHE LEFT. HE DID A GREAT JOB OF FIXING THEM UP & EVERYTHING SEEMS TO GO TOGETHER NICELY. SHE ALSO MADE HIM SOME MATCHING PILLOWS TOO, FOR THE USED COUCHES FROM EXTRA MATERIAL THAT CAME WITH THEM. I'M VERY IMPRESSED WITH ALL OF THEIR SELF TAUGHT SKILLS & AM VERY PROUD OF DAVID, REBECCA, AND JON. I HAVE GREAT KIDS. I'M SURE DAVID WAS MORE THAN READY TO BE ON HIS OWN AGAIN, BUT I MISS THEM A LOT. ESPECIALLY THOSE PUPPY KISSES FROM DAISY. SHE & REBECCA'S DOG XENA, GOT PRETTY SPOILED WHILE THEY WERE HERE WITH ME. GRANDMA'S DON'T JUST SPOIL GRANDKIDS, THEY'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SPOIL GRANDDOGGIES TOO. I THINK MY KIDS WILL HAVE A LITTLE PET RETRAINING TO DO. ANYWAY, I WOULDN'T TRADE THE TIME I HAD WITH BOTH MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS, & SON-IN-LAW (ON WEEKENDS), & GRANDDOGGIES FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD IN SPITE OF THE REASONS THEY WERE HERE.
CHEMO-THAT KEEPS GOING ON & ON & ON...
-I WAS ORIGINALLY TOLD I WOULD HAVE 8 CHEMOTHERAPY INFUSIONS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART. THE FIRST 4 WERE A TWO MEDICINE COMBO THAT IS SUPER STRONG, DESIGNED TO STOP THE CANCER IN IT'S TRACKS, BUT HAS A LOT OF HARSH SIDE EFFECTS SUCH AS HAIR LOSS (BALDNESS), MOUTH SORES, REOPENING OF ALL THE CUTS & SORES YOU'VE EVER HAD OVER THE LAST 1-2 YEARS AS IT DESTROYS THE NEWER CELLS THAT COVERED THOSE SPOTS, ANEMIA, WEAKNESS, SUPPRESSED BONE MARROW FUNCTION, LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS REQUIRING SHOTS & TRANSFUSIONS, AND FREQUENT INFECTIONS TO NAME A FEW. I EVEN HAVE A SLIGHTLY FADING BROWN STRIPE AND LONG INDENTATION ON ONE ARM OVER ONE OF THE VEINS THAT GOT VERY IRRITATED & INJURED BY THE CHEMO. FOR THE LAST 4 TREATMENTS, THEY CHANGED TO ANOTHER MEDICINE DESIGNED TO SHRINK THE TUMOR DOWN IN SIZE SO IT'S EASY TO REMOVE DURING SURGERY. THIS MED HAS FEWER SIDE EFFECTS, MOSTLY FATIGUE & BODY ACHES & PAINS, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO CAUSE LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS BUT DID ANYWAY BECAUSE MY IMMUNE SYSTEM WAS ALREADY SUPPRESSED BEFORE CHEMO STARTED FROM THE LIVER TRANSPLANT I HAD 12 YEARS AGO. I HAVE HAD A STRONGER REACTION TO CHEMO ALL ALONG THAN MOST REQUIRING THEM TO DECREASE THE DOSES FREQUENTLY & INCREASE THE RECOVERY TIME BETWEEN TREATMENTS. INSTEAD OF 8 TREATMENTS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART WHICH EQUALS APPROXIMATELY 16 WEEKS TO COMPLETE TREATMENT, IT'S BEEN EXTENDED TO 24 TO 28 WEEKS DEPENDING ON WHETHER I NEED ANY MORE EXTRA BREAKS BETWEEN TREATMENTS TO RECOVER FROM SIDE EFFECTS. THIS HAS HAPPENED SEVERAL TIMES ALREADY AND COULD HAPPEN EASILY AGAIN. THEY FORGOT TO TELL ME ALL THIS, SO WHEN I WENT FOR MY 8th & WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MY LAST TREATMENT, I WAS UNPLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FIND OUT I HAD 9 MORE TREATMENTS TO GO. 8 MORE THAN I THOUGHT PLUS THE ONE SCEDULED FOR THAT DAY THAT WAS POSTPONED ANOTHER WEEK BECAUSE MY WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT WAS TOO LOW (1.8). I WASN'T FINISHED AT ALL. I WASN'T EVEN HALF WAY DONE. THEY HAD FORGOTTEN TO TELL ME THAT WHEN THEY SIGNIFICANTLY DECREASED THE DOSE OF THE LAST MEDICINE AND REQUIRED ME TO COME WEEKLY FOR TREATMENT AT A MUCH SMALLER DOSE WHICH IS USUALLY TOLERATED MUCH BETTER, IT ALSO SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASES THE NUMBER OF DOSES I WOULD NEED. IT WENT FROM 4 DOSES OF THE LAST MED TO 12 DOSES. IF YOU INCLUDE THESE 12 DOSES OF THE LIGHTER MED PLUS THE 4 DOSES IN THE BEGINNING OF THE HARDER MEDS, I WILL HAVE HAD A TOTAL OF 16 ROUNDS OF CHEMO. I GUESS THAT TUMOR WILL HAVE THE TIME TO LAY DOWN & DIE, OR AT LEAST CRY UNCLE FOR AWHILE & GIVE UP. IT HAS SHRUNK CONSIDERABLY SMALLER TO THE POINT THAT IT'S MUCH HARDER TO FIND AND MY HAIR IS JUST BARELY STARTING TO GROW BACK. I HAVE A LOT OF PEACH FUZZ & A FEW GLARINGLY BALD SPOTS STILL. THE COLOR IS A LOT MORE GREY THAN I REMEMBER, THOUGH. GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED. EVEN IF I WANTED TO GET EVERYTHING OVER QUICKLY & PUT IT BEHIND ME, HE DOES WHAT IS BEST FOR MY OVERALL GOOD. MY EMOTIONS HAVE GONE THROUGH MANY UPS & DOWN, THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY THINGS TO ADJUST TO, BUT I TRUST HIM. GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. HE HAS SENT THE FAMILY & FRIENDS & SUPPORT I NEED WHEN I NEEDED IT. MY FREIND LISA, WHO ALSO HAS CANCER, MY AUNT, & MY BROTHER HAVE BEEN GREAT AT CHECKING UP ON ME & ENCOURAGING ME ALONG THE WAY EVEN WHEN THEIR OWN FAMILIES ARE GOING THROUGH CRISIS SUCH AS MY SISTER-IN-LAW, LAURA, GETTING REALLY SICK AND HAVING TO UNEXPECTEDLY BE HOSPITALIZED FOR A WEEK. SHE'S HOME & FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW BUT GOT THE PRIVALEGE OF BEING INTRODUCED TO THE JOYS OF BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS, AN EXTENDED TIME OF NOTHING BY MOUTH, AND A MULTITUDE POKING & PRODDING & ENDLESS TESTS. WELCOME TO THE CLUB. I FIND I GET A LITTLE LONELY THESE DAYS, PART OF THE TIME. I WENT FROM A VERY FULL & BUSY HOUSEHOLD FULL OF KIDS & DOGS & NOISE & LIFE TO JUST ARTIE & I. AND NOW ARTIE IS GONE MORE DURING THE DAY TO TRY & DRUM UP SOME BUSINESS & INCOME AND ESPECIALLY SINCE ALL THE KIDS HAVE MOVED ON( AS THEY SHOULD), IT GETS A LITTLE LONELY. QUIET IS BETTER FOR RESTING AND LONELY HELPS US LISTEN TO GOD'S STILL SMALL VOICE MUCH CLEARER AND TROUBLE HAS A WAY OF MAKING US STRONGER. NO MATTER WHAT, GOD IS HERE. HE COMFORTS ME WHEN I'M SAD & GIVES ME REST WHEN I'M EXHAUSTED, AS LONG AS I COOPERATE WITH HIM & LAY MY HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER. HE'S GIVEN ME A GOOD HUSBAND WHO TRIES TO SUPPORT ME IN EVERY WAY HE CAN EVEN IF THAT'S NOT HIS STRONG SUIT. ARTIE IS LEARNING TOO. GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR BOTH OF US AND I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO HIM.
LOVE,
CHERYL
PS. EXCUSE THE EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF RUN ON SENTENCES & LONGWINDED WORDINESS. I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO WRITE THINGS DOWN IN SHORT HAND. I FIND IT REALLY HELPS ME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH & ADJUST BETTER WHEN I WRITE IT DOWN, SO THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)