ONCE AGAIN, IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED ANYTHING. AT FIRST, I DIDN'T FEEL WELL ENOUGH TO WORK ON IT, THEN, IT HAD BEEN SO LONG SINCE I POSTED, THAT CATCHING UP WAS INTIMIDATING. SO, HERE GOES :
JOBS COME & JOBS GO:
-MY LAST DAY OF WORK WAS MARCH 9th. MY FIRST CHEMO WAS MARCH 10th. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO WORK TUESDAY MARCH 15th, GIVING ME 5 DAYS TO RECOVER BEFORE GOING BACK TO WORK. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, THE WORST OF THE CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS SEEM TO HIT ME ABOUT 4 OR 5 DAYS AFTER TREATMENT. I FELT VERY BAD PHYSICALLY THE DAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK. I WAS DETERMINED I WAS GOING TO DO THIS & FORCED MYSELF TO GET DRESSED FOR WORK ANYWAY. I FELT BAD ENOUGH THAT I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF THE 45 MINUTES TO WORK, SO ARTIE TOOK ME. WE GOT AS FAR AS SELMA, WHICH IS 20 MINUTES AWAY FROM HOME, DECIDED THIS WAS RIDICULOUS TO GO TO WORK WHEN I FELT THIS BAD, SO TURNED AROUND & WENT BACK HOME. THUS STARTED MY MEDICAL LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK. WE JUMPED THROUGH ALL THE HOOPS, SIGNED ALL THE PAPERS, TURNED EVERYTHING IN ON TIME INCLUDING DOCTOR FORMS OR WHATEVER ELSE WAS NEEDED. AND JUST ABOUT THE TIME I FINISHED THE HARD CHEMO & HAD STARTED TO FEEL A TINY BIT BETTER, AND 12 WEEKS TO THE DAY FROM WHEN I STOPPED WORKING, I GOT FIRED JUNE 2nd. I GOT THE DREADED CALL ON JUNE 3rd FROM THE HUMAN RESOURCES LEAVE COORDINATOR, JENNIFER HODGE & MAUREEN INFORMING ME OF THEIR DECISION & STATING, THEY HOPED I WILL FEEL BETTER IN THE FUTURE, BUT BASICALLY:DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU. I WAS OFFICIALLY TERMINATED! I WAS SHOCKED & A LITTLE BIT ANGRY. I KNOW THIS MAY BE COMMON BUSINESS PRACTICE TO CUT YOUR LOSSES WHEN SOMEONE IS TOO SICK TO WORK, BUT IT SEEMS SO WRONG MORALLY. IT REALLY FELT LIKE BEING KICKED WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY DOWN AFTER 8 1/2 YEARS OF FAITHFUL SERVICE . I FOOLISHLY THOUGHT THAT A CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WOULD BE MORE COMPASSIONATE, BUT I GUESS THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE THESE DAYS. I KNOW NOW THAT GOD WAS RELEASING ME FROM A VERY DEMANDING STRESS-FILLED JOB, BUT IT'S TAKEN A LITTLE WHILE TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION. I WAS TOLD I COULD REAPPLY FOR A POSITION IF & WHEN I GOT BETTER, BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DO THAT WHEN THEY WOULDN'T STAND BY ME WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST. I HAD BEEN FEELING GOD WAS POSSIBLY GOING TO REMOVE MY JOB & INCOME FOR A WHILE EVEN BEFORE THE CANCER DIAGNOSIS, BUT I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE WAY IT HAPPENED. ANOTHER RESULT OF BEING FIRED IS THAT I LOST MY PRIMARY HEALTH INSURANCE, VISION & DENTAL CARE. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT OTHERS WOULD DO IF PLACED IN THE SAME POSITION. WHAT IF THEY WERE THE ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME FOR THEIR FAMILY, OR HAD NO FAMILY SUPPORT, OR NO BACK UP INSURANCE. HOW DEVASTATING WOULD THAT BE? THANKFULLY, MY HUSBAND HAD THE FORESIGHT TO ADD ME TO HIS INSURANCE ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED & BEFORE HE RETIRED, SO I HAD BACK UP INSURANCE. IT DOESN'T INCLUDE VISION & DENTAL CARE, BUT SHOULD COVER 80 % OF MY UPCOMING SURGERY & TREATMENT. WE WERE TOLD WE COULD CONTINUE THE PRIMARY INSURANCE I HAD BEFORE THROUGH CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WITH COBRA, BUT THE COSTS WERE PROHIBITIVE. WE COULDN'T AFFORD THE $700 A MONTH IT WOULD COST TO KEEP THINGS THE WAY THEY WERE IN OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES.
UPDATE ON THE KIDS:
-JUNE 24th: MY DAUGHTER & HER SWEET LITTLE BOYS LEFT HANFORD TO JOIN HER HUSBAND IN COSTA MESA, PACK ALL THEIR BELONGINGS, SAY GOODBYE TO THEIR FRIENDS, & START A NEW LIFE IN TEXAS. MY SON-IN-LAW, JON, WILL BE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TO GET A DEGREE AT TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY, WHICH SHOULD TAKE ABOUT 5 YEARS TO DO. FROM THERE, WHO KNOWS WHERE? THEY LEFT ME WITH AN ORGANIZED HOUSE, CLOSER FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, AND A NEWLY REDECORATED LIVING ROOM WITH FRESHLY SEWN PILLOWS & CURTAINS & NEWLY PAINTED COFFEE TABLE, END TABLES, BOOKCASE, & ROCKER THAT WE PICKED UP AT SECOND HAND STORES INEXPENSIVELY. IT REALLY PERKED THINGS UP & LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. I ENJOYED OUR TALKS TOGETHER, ENJOYED SNUGGLING WITH A 4 (NOW 5) YEAR OLD, AND CRAFTING PROJECTS WITH CALEB & BEN BOTH. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN IN SPITE OF HOW I FELT. DAVID BROUGHT THEM A LOT OF DO IT YOURSELF BUILD & GROW KITS FROM LOWE'S DESIGNED FOR KIDS TO BUILD INTO BIRD FEEDERS, GAMES, ETC WHICH CALEB BUILT & BEN ENJOYED. I CAN NEVER REPAY THE SACRIFICES THEY MADE THAT ALLOWED THEM TO BE HERE FOR ME FOR THE LAST 4 MONTHS. THE HOUSE STAYS MUCH NEATER NOW AND IS VERY QUIET, BUT I THINK I PREFER NOISY & FULL. IT'LL TAKE SOME GETTING USED TO. I'M KIND OF BOOKED FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS WITH FINISHING UP CHEMO, THEN ON TO SURGERY & RADIATION. IT'S STILL A LITTLE BIT OVERWHELMING AT TIMES, WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, BUT I'VE COME TO REALIZE, IN HAVING EVERYONE HERE UNDER ONE ROOF, THAT I LOVED BEING CLOSE TO MY GRANDKIDS & DON'T WANT TO MISS OUT ON THE NEXT 5 YEARS OF THEIR LIVES IN TEXAS. WE'LL SEE WHAT GOD HAS IN MIND FOR THEM, FOR US, & FOR THIS DESIRE HE'S PLACED IN MY HEART.
-JULY 28th: ESCROW CLOSED & MY SON, DAVID, AND HIS LITTLE DOG, DAISY, WERE ABLE TO MOVE INTO THEIR OWN HOUSE AFTER 2 YEARS OF LIVING WITH MOM & DAD. HIS HOUSE IS A SMALL VICTORIAN STYLE BUILT IN 1902 WITH A BIG FRONT PORCH. IT'S IN DECENT SHAPE, CONSIDERING HOW OLD IT IS WITH 3 BEDROOMS, 2 BATHS, A FENCED IN YARD, AND NEW GARAGE IN THE REAR. IT'S REALLY CUTE & WILL KEEP HIM BUSY WITH MR FIX-IT JOBS FOR QUITE SOME TIME. SINCE HE IS STARTING FROM SCRATCH, AS FAR AS HOUSEHOLD GOODS ARE CONCERNED, HIS SISTER WAS ABLE TO HELP HIM ACQUIRE HIS OWN SET OF USED ITEMS FROM SECOND HAND STORES BEFORE SHE LEFT. HE DID A GREAT JOB OF FIXING THEM UP & EVERYTHING SEEMS TO GO TOGETHER NICELY. SHE ALSO MADE HIM SOME MATCHING PILLOWS TOO, FOR THE USED COUCHES FROM EXTRA MATERIAL THAT CAME WITH THEM. I'M VERY IMPRESSED WITH ALL OF THEIR SELF TAUGHT SKILLS & AM VERY PROUD OF DAVID, REBECCA, AND JON. I HAVE GREAT KIDS. I'M SURE DAVID WAS MORE THAN READY TO BE ON HIS OWN AGAIN, BUT I MISS THEM A LOT. ESPECIALLY THOSE PUPPY KISSES FROM DAISY. SHE & REBECCA'S DOG XENA, GOT PRETTY SPOILED WHILE THEY WERE HERE WITH ME. GRANDMA'S DON'T JUST SPOIL GRANDKIDS, THEY'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SPOIL GRANDDOGGIES TOO. I THINK MY KIDS WILL HAVE A LITTLE PET RETRAINING TO DO. ANYWAY, I WOULDN'T TRADE THE TIME I HAD WITH BOTH MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS, & SON-IN-LAW (ON WEEKENDS), & GRANDDOGGIES FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD IN SPITE OF THE REASONS THEY WERE HERE.
CHEMO-THAT KEEPS GOING ON & ON & ON...
-I WAS ORIGINALLY TOLD I WOULD HAVE 8 CHEMOTHERAPY INFUSIONS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART. THE FIRST 4 WERE A TWO MEDICINE COMBO THAT IS SUPER STRONG, DESIGNED TO STOP THE CANCER IN IT'S TRACKS, BUT HAS A LOT OF HARSH SIDE EFFECTS SUCH AS HAIR LOSS (BALDNESS), MOUTH SORES, REOPENING OF ALL THE CUTS & SORES YOU'VE EVER HAD OVER THE LAST 1-2 YEARS AS IT DESTROYS THE NEWER CELLS THAT COVERED THOSE SPOTS, ANEMIA, WEAKNESS, SUPPRESSED BONE MARROW FUNCTION, LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS REQUIRING SHOTS & TRANSFUSIONS, AND FREQUENT INFECTIONS TO NAME A FEW. I EVEN HAVE A SLIGHTLY FADING BROWN STRIPE AND LONG INDENTATION ON ONE ARM OVER ONE OF THE VEINS THAT GOT VERY IRRITATED & INJURED BY THE CHEMO. FOR THE LAST 4 TREATMENTS, THEY CHANGED TO ANOTHER MEDICINE DESIGNED TO SHRINK THE TUMOR DOWN IN SIZE SO IT'S EASY TO REMOVE DURING SURGERY. THIS MED HAS FEWER SIDE EFFECTS, MOSTLY FATIGUE & BODY ACHES & PAINS, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO CAUSE LOW BLOOD CELL COUNTS BUT DID ANYWAY BECAUSE MY IMMUNE SYSTEM WAS ALREADY SUPPRESSED BEFORE CHEMO STARTED FROM THE LIVER TRANSPLANT I HAD 12 YEARS AGO. I HAVE HAD A STRONGER REACTION TO CHEMO ALL ALONG THAN MOST REQUIRING THEM TO DECREASE THE DOSES FREQUENTLY & INCREASE THE RECOVERY TIME BETWEEN TREATMENTS. INSTEAD OF 8 TREATMENTS SPACED 2 WEEKS APART WHICH EQUALS APPROXIMATELY 16 WEEKS TO COMPLETE TREATMENT, IT'S BEEN EXTENDED TO 24 TO 28 WEEKS DEPENDING ON WHETHER I NEED ANY MORE EXTRA BREAKS BETWEEN TREATMENTS TO RECOVER FROM SIDE EFFECTS. THIS HAS HAPPENED SEVERAL TIMES ALREADY AND COULD HAPPEN EASILY AGAIN. THEY FORGOT TO TELL ME ALL THIS, SO WHEN I WENT FOR MY 8th & WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MY LAST TREATMENT, I WAS UNPLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FIND OUT I HAD 9 MORE TREATMENTS TO GO. 8 MORE THAN I THOUGHT PLUS THE ONE SCEDULED FOR THAT DAY THAT WAS POSTPONED ANOTHER WEEK BECAUSE MY WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT WAS TOO LOW (1.8). I WASN'T FINISHED AT ALL. I WASN'T EVEN HALF WAY DONE. THEY HAD FORGOTTEN TO TELL ME THAT WHEN THEY SIGNIFICANTLY DECREASED THE DOSE OF THE LAST MEDICINE AND REQUIRED ME TO COME WEEKLY FOR TREATMENT AT A MUCH SMALLER DOSE WHICH IS USUALLY TOLERATED MUCH BETTER, IT ALSO SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASES THE NUMBER OF DOSES I WOULD NEED. IT WENT FROM 4 DOSES OF THE LAST MED TO 12 DOSES. IF YOU INCLUDE THESE 12 DOSES OF THE LIGHTER MED PLUS THE 4 DOSES IN THE BEGINNING OF THE HARDER MEDS, I WILL HAVE HAD A TOTAL OF 16 ROUNDS OF CHEMO. I GUESS THAT TUMOR WILL HAVE THE TIME TO LAY DOWN & DIE, OR AT LEAST CRY UNCLE FOR AWHILE & GIVE UP. IT HAS SHRUNK CONSIDERABLY SMALLER TO THE POINT THAT IT'S MUCH HARDER TO FIND AND MY HAIR IS JUST BARELY STARTING TO GROW BACK. I HAVE A LOT OF PEACH FUZZ & A FEW GLARINGLY BALD SPOTS STILL. THE COLOR IS A LOT MORE GREY THAN I REMEMBER, THOUGH. GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED. EVEN IF I WANTED TO GET EVERYTHING OVER QUICKLY & PUT IT BEHIND ME, HE DOES WHAT IS BEST FOR MY OVERALL GOOD. MY EMOTIONS HAVE GONE THROUGH MANY UPS & DOWN, THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY THINGS TO ADJUST TO, BUT I TRUST HIM. GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. HE HAS SENT THE FAMILY & FRIENDS & SUPPORT I NEED WHEN I NEEDED IT. MY FREIND LISA, WHO ALSO HAS CANCER, MY AUNT, & MY BROTHER HAVE BEEN GREAT AT CHECKING UP ON ME & ENCOURAGING ME ALONG THE WAY EVEN WHEN THEIR OWN FAMILIES ARE GOING THROUGH CRISIS SUCH AS MY SISTER-IN-LAW, LAURA, GETTING REALLY SICK AND HAVING TO UNEXPECTEDLY BE HOSPITALIZED FOR A WEEK. SHE'S HOME & FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW BUT GOT THE PRIVALEGE OF BEING INTRODUCED TO THE JOYS OF BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS, AN EXTENDED TIME OF NOTHING BY MOUTH, AND A MULTITUDE POKING & PRODDING & ENDLESS TESTS. WELCOME TO THE CLUB. I FIND I GET A LITTLE LONELY THESE DAYS, PART OF THE TIME. I WENT FROM A VERY FULL & BUSY HOUSEHOLD FULL OF KIDS & DOGS & NOISE & LIFE TO JUST ARTIE & I. AND NOW ARTIE IS GONE MORE DURING THE DAY TO TRY & DRUM UP SOME BUSINESS & INCOME AND ESPECIALLY SINCE ALL THE KIDS HAVE MOVED ON( AS THEY SHOULD), IT GETS A LITTLE LONELY. QUIET IS BETTER FOR RESTING AND LONELY HELPS US LISTEN TO GOD'S STILL SMALL VOICE MUCH CLEARER AND TROUBLE HAS A WAY OF MAKING US STRONGER. NO MATTER WHAT, GOD IS HERE. HE COMFORTS ME WHEN I'M SAD & GIVES ME REST WHEN I'M EXHAUSTED, AS LONG AS I COOPERATE WITH HIM & LAY MY HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER. HE'S GIVEN ME A GOOD HUSBAND WHO TRIES TO SUPPORT ME IN EVERY WAY HE CAN EVEN IF THAT'S NOT HIS STRONG SUIT. ARTIE IS LEARNING TOO. GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR BOTH OF US AND I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO HIM.
LOVE,
CHERYL
PS. EXCUSE THE EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF RUN ON SENTENCES & LONGWINDED WORDINESS. I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO WRITE THINGS DOWN IN SHORT HAND. I FIND IT REALLY HELPS ME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH & ADJUST BETTER WHEN I WRITE IT DOWN, SO THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE.
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