OPTIONS

-WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2011:
WE SAW THE PLASTIC SURGEON FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY.  HE COMES HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BY SEVERAL OTHER DOCTORS I KNOW. HE WILL BE HANDLING THE RECONSTRUCTION PROCESS THAT BEGINS THE DAY OF SURGERY WHEN I HAVE A  LUMPECTOMY OR MASTECTOMY, DEPENDING ON THE OUTCOME OF MY MRI. MY BREAST SURGEON, DR HADCOCK, WILL REMOVE WHAT NEEDS TO BE REMOVED & MY PLASTIC SURGEON, DR ASKREN, WILL STEP IN IMMEDIATELY AFTER, TO START THE RECONSTRUCTION OR REBUILDING & EVENING OUT PROCESS.  HE SPENT A GREAT DEAL OF TIME WITH US  (OVER AN HOUR & A HALF) & EXPLAINED THE MANY DIFFERENT OPTIONS AVAILABLE & GAVE ME A BOOK TO READ BEFORE MY NEXT VISIT. THEY ALSO TOOK 'BEFORE' PICTURES FOR MY FILE, WHICH I HAD BEEN DREADING, BUT IT WAS HANDLED BY A FEMALE MEMBER OF HIS STAFF, DIDN'T TAKE LONG, & WASN'T AS BAD AS I HAD IMAGINED. THE RECONSTRUCTION PROCESS IS A PROCESS.  IT REQUIRES A BIT OF TIME AND PROBABLY SEVERAL DIFFERENT SURGERIES TO COMPLETE. WE HAD A GOOD VISIT WITH THE PLASTIC SURGEON, BUT WALKED AWAY MORE CONFUSED THAN BEFORE. THERE WERE SO MANY OPTIONS & IT'S HARD TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO FACE BUT HAVE TO. WITH MASTECTOMY OR REMOVAL OF THE WHOLE BREAST, THERE'S A SMALL CHANCE RADIATION MAY BE SKIPPED IF IT HASN'T SPREAD ANYWHERE ELSE & IS NOT IN YOUR LYMPH NODE SYSTEM. WITH LUMPECTOMY OR REMOVING JUST THE TUMOR AREA & SOME OF THE SURROUNDING TISSUE AROUND IT, IT'S SLIGHTLY LESS INVASIVE, BUT REQUIRES RADIATION TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE KILLED ALL OF THE CANCER CELLS, IN CASE ANY ARE MISSED IN SURGERY. IT'S FOLLOWED BY RADIATION WHICH REQUIRES DAILY TREATMENT FOR 40+ DAYS AIMED AT A SPECIFIC MARKED SPOT EACH TIME. IT USUALLY BURNS THE SKIN & CHANGES THE TEXTURE  OF THE UNDERLYING TISSUE HINDERING RECOVERY & REPAIR. WE LEARNED FROM THE PLASTIC SURGEON THAT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT RADIATION MESSES UP ANYTHING THAT HE DOES & THE OUTCOMES ARE USUALLY NOT AS GOOD. THAT KIND OF LEFT ME IN A QUANDRY NOT KNOWING WHAT THEY WILL DO OR WHAT I SHOULD DO.  YOU KNOW, SO MANY CHOICES, SO LITTLE TIME.

-THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 15, 2011:
I REMAINED IN A STATE OF TURMOIL, NOT KNOWING WHICH WAY TO TURN OR WHICH SURGERY I WAS GOING TO HAVE, AND KNOWING THE DOCTORS WEREN'T ALL ON THE SAME PAGE & HADN'T DECIDED MY EXACT OPTIONS EITHER. I WENT TO LADIES BIBLE STUDY STILL UNSETTLED & UPSET, AND WONDER OF ALL WONDERS, GOD MINISTERED TO MY HEART.  HE MADE ME REALIZE, THAT ALTHOUGH MY FINAL OUTCOME WITH CANCER & SURGERY & RADIATION IS UNKNOWN TO ME, & POSSIBLY UNDECIDED YET BY MY DOCTORS, GOD KNOWS THE OUTCOME.  HE KNOWS WHAT I NEED, HE KNOWS WHAT I CAN HANDLE, AND HE LOVES ME & HAS MY BEST INTEREST IN MIND. HE WILL DIRECT THE DECISIONS THAT WILL BE MADE FOR MY CARE WHETHER THAT MEANS FOLLOWING THE NORMAL COURSE OF TREATMENT OR HAVING EXCEPTIONS MADE THAT I SPECIFICALLY NEED. I TRUST HIM & HE LOVES ME. I WILL NOT BE AFRAID & CONFUSED. SOMEONE I TRUST IS IN CONTROL. WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO BE! I'M IN GOD'S HANDS & DON'T HAVE TO BEAR THE WEIGHT OF ALL OF THIS MYSELF. THANKS LORD! I KNOW YOUR  SHOULDERS ARE A LOT BIGGER THAN MINE & YOU CAN HANDLE THIS & A LOT MORE.

BESIDES GIVING ME PEACE ABOUT MY UPCOMING TREATMENT, TODAY IS A SPECIAL DAY FOR ANOTHER REASON.  IT'S MY GRANDSON CALEB'S 10th BIRTHDAY. I WISH I COULD BE THERE TO GREET HIM IN PERSON & GIVE HIM A BIG OLE HUG. MY DAUGHTER & SON-IN-LAW TOOK THE KIDS INTO TOWN FOR A BIRTHDAY ICE CREAM TREAT & TO CALL GRANDPARENTS TO SAY THANK YOU FOR CARDS & PRESENTS. CALEB WOKE UP FEELING SICK & DIDN'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO A LOT. HE WAS ALSO FEELING A LITTLE SAD & DIDN'T WANT A BIRTHDAY PARTY BECAUSE HE WAS MISSING HIS FRIENDS BACK IN CALIFORNIA THAT HE USUALLY CELEBRATED WITH. HE WAS FASCINATED BY THE ROBOT CARD I MADE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE HAS HELPED ME MAKE A LOT OF THINGS WITH MY CRICUT MACHINE WHEN THEY WERE HERE, SO HE UNDERSTANDS HOW MUCH IS INVOLVED IN CHOOSING COLORS, CUTTING & GLUING A LOT OF TINY PIECES TOGETHER, & CREATING AN INDIVIDUALYIZED CARD OR GIFT MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE. MY DAUGHTER STOOD THERE WITH THE CAMERA READY TO CAPTURE HIS REACTION WHEN HE OPENED HIS PRESENTS/CARDS, BUT HE JUST KEPT STARING AT MY CARD FOR THE LONGEST TIME. HE GOT REAL EXCITED WHEN HE FINALLY REALIZED HE COULD NOW AFFORD THE LEGO MIND STORM KIT HE'S BEEN SAVING FOR 2 YEARS FOR WHICH WILL ALLOW HIM TO BUILD & PROGRAM HIS OWN LITTLE ROBOT. DID I MENTION HE IS ONE SMART & TALENTED COOKIE? THEY WENT TO TOYS R US TO GET THE MIND STORM KIT THAT THEY HAD SEEN THERE THE WEEK BEFORE, BUT FOUND IT WAS SOLD OUT. HE WAS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED BUT KEPT A GOOD ATTITUDE.  THEY ENDED UP ORDERING IT ON LINE WHICH SAVED THEM $30 PLUS NO SHIPPING & NO TAX. THAT IS BETTER IN THE LONG RUN ANYWAY.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALEB. I LOVE YOU!

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 19th, 2011:
WE WENT TO THE ONCOLOGISTS OFFICE TODAY, NOT TO SEE THE ONCOLOGIST FOR A CHANGE, BUT TO SEE A THERAPIST TO WORK ON MY LEFT ARM TO TRY & REPAIR SOME DAMAGE TO MY VEINS FROM THE CHEMO. I HAVE A BROWN STRIPE & TWO INDENTATION LINES FOLLOWING THE COURSE OF A COUPLE OF VEINS UP MY ARM THAT I'M TOLD IS SCAR TISSUE IN THE VEINS. SHE MASSAGED THE AREA IN A SPECIFIC MANNER TO TRY & BREAK UP THE SCAR TISSUE & STRETCH THE VEINS. I'VE HAD THESE INJURIES FOR 2 OR 3 MONTHS, BUT DIDN'T GET REFERRED FOR TREATMENT UNTIL NEAR THE END OF CHEMO. I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THE CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS WERE REVERSIBLE. NICE TO KNOW. SHE SHOWED ARTIE A LITTLE BIT OF HOW TO DO THE MASSAGE AT HOME ON A DAILY BASIS & MADE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT TO SEE US IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

-TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 20th, 2011:
WELL, TODAY WAS THE INFAMOUS "REPEAT MRI DAY" TO CHECK FOR TUMOR SHRINKAGE SINCE COMPLETING CHEMO. IT WILL PROBABLY DETERMINE HOW THEY WILL APPROACH MY SURGERY IN OCTOBER. THE 1st MRI WAS DONE BACK IN FEBRUARY, BEFORE I STARTED CHEMO & THE NOISE IT MADE WHILE I WAS INSIDE IT THEN WAS BONE JARRING & UNSETTLING. I WASN'T REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO REPEATING THIS. LAST TIME IT SEEMED LIKE THERE WERE 5 GUYS IN THERE WITH ME WITH THEIR JACK HAMMERS GOING FULL BLAST. IT ALSO SEEMED LIKE EACH OF THEM HAD A PET WOODPECKER WITH THEM, PECKING AWAY & MAKING AS MUCH RACKET AS THEY COULD POSSIBLY MAKE. I WAS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FIND THAT THIS TIME WAS NOT AS BAD AS THE FIRST. THE 1st 5 MINUTES SOUNDED LIKE THE EMERGENCY BROADCASTING TONE YOU HEAR ON THE RADIO OR TV TO GET YOUR ATTENTION & WARN YOU OF POTENTIAL DISASTERS. THE SECOND 5 MINUTES SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE HIT THE SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON IN A TV SHOW AND THE CONSTANT LOUD GONG WAS GOING OFF SO YOU COULD CLEAR OUT OF THE LAB (OR MRI ROOM) FAST BEFORE IT BLEW UP. THE 3rd 5 MINUTES SOUNDED LIKE A HIGH FREQUENCY MARTIAN DEATH RAY WAS AIMED AT EARTH AND WAS WREAKING HAVOC  & DESTRUCTION. DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE A GOOD IMAGINATION?  THE LAST 5 MINUTES WAS LIKE A COMBINATION OF ALL 3 PREVIOUS SOUNDS AT THE SAME TIME. IT WAS LOUD & IT WAS DEAFENING, BUT THEY TOLD ME THERE WAS ONLY 5 MINUTES LEFT SO I WAS OK WITH THAT. I COULDN'T EAT FOR 4 HOURS OR USE ANY DEODORANT, POWDER, OR CREAMS LIKE BEFORE, BUT I ARMED MYSELF WITH A GOOD PAIR OF EAR PLUGS IN ADDITION TO THE MUSIC HEAD PHONES THEY USUALLY OFFER. BETWEEN THE TWO, IT HELPED DECREASE THE NOISE LEVEL ENOUGH THAT IT WAS MUCH EASIER TO HANDLE. ALSO GOING THROUGH THIS TEST BEFORE & KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT, & KNOWING I ONLY HAD TO HANDLE IT FOR 20 MINUTES HELPED ME TOO. THEY ASKED ME BOTH TIMES WHAT MUSIC STATION I PREFER, BUT DIDN'T TURN IT TO THAT STATION EITHER TIME. THE 1st TIME IT WAS TURNED TO A WHINEY COUNTRY MUSIC STATION THAT I DON'T LIKE AND WHICH ADDED TO THE IRRITATION FACTOR, AND THIS TIME IT WAS TURNED TO AN OLDIES STATION THAT WASN'T TOO BAD. IT PROBABLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT STATION THEY ACTUALLY TURN IT TO IN THE LONG RUN AS THE MRI NOISE IS SO LOUD THAT IT DROWNS OUT THE MUSIC ANYWAY. AT LEAST WITH THE ADDITION OF THE EAR PLUGS THIS TIME, IT DIDN'T RATTLE ME AS BADLY AS BEFORE. I GUESS MARTIAN DEATH RAYS ARE NOT AS DISTURBING AS A ROOM FULL OF JACK HAMMERS. I'M VERY THANKFUL FOR LITTLE BLESSINGS. I'LL FIND OUT THE RESULTS ON THE 27th WHEN I SEE THE BREAST SURGEON, DR  MARGARET HADCOCK, AS WELL AS, RECEIVING MY SURGERY DATE & TYPE OF SURGERY THEY'VE DECIDED ON. BIG CHANGES AHEAD. GOOD THING I SERVE A BIG GOD! I SAW THE CHIROPRACTOR AFTER THE MRI FOR MY WEEKLY ADJUSTMENT. IT REALLY HELPS. AFTER DISCUSSING WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON WITH THE MRI & PLASTIC SURGEON,  HE ASKED ME TO CONSIDER WHAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME AFTER SURGERY. 1) HOW I LOOKED AT HOME IN THE MIRROR, OR 2) HOW I LOOKED OUT IN PUBLIC. HE SUGGESTED I CONSIDER SKIPPING RECONSTRUCTION & WEAR A CUSTOM MADE PROSTHESIS SEWN INTO MY BRAS & MADE TO MATCH THE OTHER SIDE IF MY PUBLIC APPEARANCE WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY PRIVATE APPEARANCE. MORE OPTIONS TO CONSIDER.

-SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 25th, 2011:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NEPHEW MATT NORDIN WHO TURNS 27 TODAY. I MADE A CARD BUT DIDN'T GET IT OFF IN THE MAIL YET. OOPS. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. LOVE YOU MATT.

-MONDAY SEPTEMBER 26th, 2011:
TALKED TO MY BROTHER TODAY. HE SOUNDED GOOD & MATT'S BIRTHDAY WENT VERY WELL. MATT EVEN GOT THE WEEKEND OFF WHICH IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL FOR A GUY WHO WORKS MORE THAN ONE JOB. LAURA IS BACK FROM HER TRIP TO MISSOURI & BACK TO WORK FOR THE SECOND DAY AFTER RECOVERY FROM HER ILLNESS.  SHE HASN'T HEARD BACK IF THERE'S A MISSOURI JOB OFFER ON THE TABLE OR NOT. JIM WOULD PREFER NO JOB OFFER & NO MOVING & IS TRYING TO MAKE REPAIRS ON THEIR UPSTAIRS APARTMENT SO THEY CAN GET IT RENTED OUT.  IT'S TOUGH LIFTING BIG SECTIONS OF DRYWALL BY YOURSELF. CHRIS & HIS GIRLFRIEND ARE THERE TO HELP FOR A LITTLE WHILE JUST LIKE OUR SON DAVID WAS OVER THIS MORNING TO TRY & HELP HIS DAD TAR THE ROOF AGAIN TO STOP A LEAK. LAST TIME FIXED THE MAJORITY OF THE LEAK SO IT DOESN'T POUR WATER INTO THE FRONT BEDROOM WHEN WATER IS SPRAYED ON THE ROOF, BUT THERE'S STILL A SMALL ELUSIVE LEAK THAT NEEDS TO BE PINPOINTED & REPAIRED BEFORE THE CEILING DRYWALL CAN BE REPLACED IN THE FRONT BEDROOM (MY CRAFTING & CARDMAKING AREA).  IT'S HARD FOR US OVER 50 TYPES TO PATIENTLY WAIT FOR HELP FROM OUR VERY BUSY 20 SOMETHING ADULT KIDS.  I'M GLAD THEY ARE WILLING THOUGH.  WE ALL HAVE GREAT KIDS.

-FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 23rd, 2011:
WENT TO THE ALLERGY DOC'S OFFICE FOR MY REGULAR WEEKLY ALLERGY SHOT. BOY WAS IT PACKED. I THINK EVERYBODY IN HANFORD COMES ON FRIDAY AFTERNOONS TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE COVERED FOR THE WEEKEND. THEY ARE ALWAYS REALLY NICE TO ME THERE, BUT MORE PEOPLE MEANS A LONGER WAIT TIME BEORE YOU GET YOUR SHOTS (1 IN EACH ARM). YOU ALSO HAVE TO STAY IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR 1/2 HOUR AFTERWARDS TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HAVE A BAD REACTION. GOOD THING I ALWAYS BRING A WORD PUZZLE BOOK IN MY PURSE TO WORK ON. IT'S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR SINCE I STARTED ALLERGY SHOTS WHICH HAVE HELPED MY ALLERGIES & BREATHING SOME. THEY LET ME KNOW IT'S TIME TO REORDER THE SPECIFIC ALLERGEN OR COMBINATION OF THINGS I'M HIGHLY ALLERGIC TO SO THE SHOTS CAN DESENSITIZE ME TO THOSE ITEMS. WE'LL HAVE TO COME UP WITH OUR COPAY OF $173 DOLLARS TO PAY OUR 20% OF THE INSURANCE COSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 6th TO CONTINUE TREATMENTS. I'D HATE TO STOP NOW, AFTER A YEAR, AND HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN AT A LATER DATE, BUT THE BANK ACCOUNT IS GETTING KIND OF LOW. WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.  AGAIN, GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED & ALWAYS PROVIDES IN THE NICK OF TIME.  HE'S FAMOUS FOR IT!