RADIATION

SURGERY WENT WELL WITHOUT A LOT OF PAIN INVOLVED.  THREE WEEKS AFTER SURGERY I STARTED DAILY RADIATION ON OCTOBER 31st.  I HAVE NINE MORE RADIATION TREATMENTS TO GO AT THIS POINT & SHOULD BE OFFICIALLY FINISHED AFTER THE DECEMBER 15th TREATMENT.  MY SKIN IS REALLY GETTING FRIED & PAINFUL.  I WISH I HAD THE GUMPTION TO TELL THEM "I QUIT." IT'S GETTING REALLY HARD TO KEEP GOING.  I ALSO AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF SOME EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.  MY HUSBAND IS GREAT ABOUT MANAGING BUSINESS & GETTING ME TO MY FRESNO DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS, BUT DOESN'T DO EMOTION, SO I'M KIND OF ON MY OWN FOR RADIATION AND EVERYTHING ELSE.  MY GOAL AFTER TREATMENT WAS TO VISIT MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS IN TEXAS FOR CHRISTMAS, BUT MY HUSBAND IS NOT SURE WE CAN.  I TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN CHOOSING & BUYING THE RIGHT GIFT FOR MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY TO SHOW THAT I LOVE THEM & KNOW THEM WELL & THAT SOMEONE IN THIS WORLD WANTS TO GIVE THEM THEIR HEART'S DESIRE (WITHIN FINANCIAL REASON OF COURSE.)  I'VE BEEN TOLD I CAN'T BUY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS & IT'S BREAKING MY HEART.  I KNOW MY KIDS KNOW I LOVE THEM WITH OR WITHOUT PRESENTS, BUT I FEEL SO POWERLESS & WANT TO CRY.  HE'S USED ALL THE STATE DISABILITY MONEY TO PAY THE HOUSE PAYMENT & MEDICAL BILLS WHICH ARE IMPORTANT.  HE CASHED IN MY LIFE INSURANCE POLICY, ALLOWED ME TO BUY A NEW BEDSPREAD & BOUGHT A BIG TICKET ITEM FOR HIMSELF, BUT IS HOLDING ONTO THE REST AS BACKUP.   I FEEL KIND OF HELPLESS, AS IF I HAVE NO SAY ABOUT MY LIFE BOTH MEDICALLY, FINANCIALLY, & ON THE HOME FRONT.  STUPID CANCER!